Hi. This is my first post.
I am a 24yr old male in recovery.
I’m very emotional in nature.
I recently got involved with a gal that had a sexual relationship with a tech at a treatment center we went to, before we were together. I had heard rumors that this tech had hooked up with clients. I discarded that noise and proceeded to enjoy the company of the gal who would end up meaning a lot to me. This tech was in recovery, so was she. She has more time than me. Not that time is everything, however I am a newcomer they would say. We recently had to part ways, as she was from another state, and had to return home to appear in court. She decided to stay there before she left to head back. Got a one way ticket and all. I drove her to the airport, said goodbye. I felt immensely better for some reason afterwards. As if there was a weight lifted off of me. I was lacking in the self care department of my recovery. My stream of life was neglected as I had put a lot of my time into getting intimate with this gal as much as possible. Which may have been a mistake, however I believe that everything happens for a reason. I was doing really well. Seeing my therapist, calling my sponsor, hanging out with my sober support, going to fellowship with other addicts/alcoholics after the meetings.
Today was hard for me though. I asked the question I didn’t want to here the answer to. I was given details of how this tech that had sexual relations with the girl I had gotten involved with, had sexually assaulted other clients at the treatment center. I was given details of how the girl I was with had slept in the same bed that the tech and his wife shared. How she joked about having sex with him on her period and he had to change the sheets before the wife came home.
All of this had me sick to my stomach. Very resentment filled and sad. It was eating my lunch for me. I didn’t talk about it to much, for fear it would keep those mental images burned into the forefront of my mind. I don’t want to envision that, for I have a very vivid imagination, and sometimes it gets the best of me. After all, who else could get the best of me?
I am writing this for emotional support. Even if this gets no replies. I need to get this off my chest and release it. I wrote inventory on it. I prayed for this girl, and I prayed that this tech get the help he deserves. They say some are sicker than others. I witnessed myself get wrapped up in a sick relationship with a sick person.
I pray that i be shown how to handle such situations that make my heart sink into the pit of my stomach. I pray that I may be of service to others, and that I learn how I can help the next alcoholic because of this experience. I pray that I be shown the solution to my thinking problem. I pray that I hear what I need to hear. I pray to let go of what I think I know.
God, I need you. I need help. I don’t got this.
God I am relieved to know that I am nothing without your love.
From my perspective, you do got this-- you let go and let your Higher Power take the weight and worry.
Resentments as you know do nothing but let our character defects rise to the surface. So we talk out our feelings and then we don’t act them out. And us addicts and alcoholics act them out in lots of real shitty ways…
Hi @Andrewsrecovery this is a sticky mess, I’m sorry it ended so unpleasantly for you. They say, if a drunk horsethief sobers up, you still have a horsethief. I guess if you don’t work your recovery but just stop consuming your doc, you’ll still be an ass. Some ppl are.
You said you believe everything happens for a reason. I personally believe that these reasons are in ourselves, not pre-destined. That we can attempt to understand ourselves by what “happens” to us or rather: what we do. You got involved with someone pretty questionable at a time in your life where you should have been fundamentlly learning how to practice self-care, work on seeing the reasons why you’re an addict, build a foundation for a sober life. Instead, you invested yourself in a whirlwind romance. You need to ask yourself, why was one more alluring than the other? What did it do for you, what nourishment did it give you at the time to be with this chick? You say you are a very emotional person whose emotions run you at times (excellent description of me before sobriety btw) - so it sounds this kinda stuff happens to you maybe somewhat regularly? what sense do you make of that?
Check out SLAA for love addiction if you’re so inclined. You might get some answers and might need to add to your existing recovery program.
I wish you all the best in your recovery journey! It’s great you’re here! Post a lot and interact, you’ll find a well of information and inspiration, I know I have!
I read your post last night and wanted to take some time to think about it. I want to share my thoughts in 3 parts, one for each party involved: you, her, the tech.
You
Not much to say here - you know you asked a question that you didn’t want the answer to when you got the explicit details of what went on between her and the tech. Like it or not, every partner you have in life will likely have a sexual history before you, and after you if you part ways. You need to listen to yourself here and not ask for specifics! It’ll only get into your head like it has this time.
Early on in recovery, our brains will search for anything to make us feel good…a relationship, a different drug, food, etc. But this is the time to focus on yourself!
Her
This is personal opinion, but the fact that she is knowingly involved in an affair, and furthermore is apparently gleeful about it, says a lot about her. At least to me it does. I would ask yourself if this is the type of person you actually want to be with.
Tech
I’d be of the mind to report him. Not for the sake of “vengeance” or whatever. But because what he’s doing is fucking predatory. Working in a rehab and sleeping with the patients? Scummy, slimy shit – and he should not only know better, but I reckon it’s against the terms of his employment.
That’s all I got. From one emotional dude to another - good luck to you, sir.
