Anyone have experience dating someone that drinks when you don’t?
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Hi @Reese
If you type ‘dating someone who drinks’ in the search bar at the top, you’ll find over 50 existing threads. You might find some useful info 
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Not personally, but I do have several acquaintances who have blamed their partners drinking for relapses
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My wife drinks. I don’t. No problems.
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My husband drinks daily (beer, which is not my drink of choice). But he encourages me to drink sometimes, my last drink was 57 days ago, and we were camping and he brought me the drinks. Challenging, but it was my choice to pick it up. Lesson learned. I have to either learn to live with it, or leave, as he won’t change. So I’m staying put for now as I am not willing to share my child at this point. So it’s challenging, but it’s my reality at present.
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Just a question, but isn’t it a temptation for you to also drink when your wife does? Idk what your drug of choice is but I just can’t have a partner who smokes weed.
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My advice to you @Reese : Don’t date a person who drinks! Ofcourse it’s you’re own decision and Idk how strong you are right now to say no to it, but I wouldn’t do it. Just stay away from it and make the chances as much as small for yourself to relapse. My DOC is weed and I definitely can’t date someone who’s on pot. Anyways, good luck and make the right decision for YOURSELF! 
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Now that being said, in addition to my post, I’m giving perspective of my marriage. If I was dating, would be a different situation and I’d likely avoid heavy or daily drinkers
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My wife had a couple glasses of wine last night. I bought it for her. Opened it and poured her a glass.
All while she was cooking us a nice dinner.
She’s not an alcoholic you see. She can take it or leave it. She can have a glass or two and that’s it. She doesn’t wake up in the morning and continue drinking. She doesn’t drive drunk with the kids in the car. She doesn’t isolate to drink alone so nobody will see how she really drinks. She doesn’t yell at the kids and me while drunk. She doesn’t destroy every relationship she has because of her drinking.
I do these things. I am the alcoholic. That’s why I don’t drink. The fact that she does is irrelevant to me and my problem. And that’s cool with me.
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Omg @Gabe.G how did you get that mindset? I really can’t imagine how to think and act like you are doing even tho your wife isn’t an alcoholic… I really think you’re strong!!
Practice and training. And I would say that it’s acceptance. Complete acceptance of my problem. and the reasons I don’t drink.
And time of course. I have been sober a bit. And people around me gave me some suggesestions. And I followed them.
You’ll get there pal. We all can. There’s nothing special about me 
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No because I don’t drink!
It helped that she went dry for Christmas last year with me. But since then she drinks when we go out. But I don’t drink. So I’m not bothered no.
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I love this @Gabe.G!
I have made the final decision to quit drinking myself. My husband is also quitting with me for awhile. I don’t think he quite believes its for good for me since i have “quit drinking for good” 3 times now.
He has a pull towards it but he’s like your wife. He can have a pint and be good. He can sip on it and enjoy it. When we drink together I always end up finishing his last beer most of the time.
I know that when the time comes that he wants to have a drink I will be ok with it and not be tempted because I am quitting for myself. It’ll be weird and strange cause we’ve partied together since we were 19. Partners in crime in everything…but life in our mid 30s is different now and I am different now and that is ok. I would be concerned about myself if I wasn’t different than 23 year old me.
But i think the biggest thing is I am choosing not to drink for myself first. He can enjoy his and I can enjoy him while he is enjoying his. 
GRANTED this will be the FIRST time I try this because I am not drinking when he does next and I think that’s probably only happened maybe 4 times in our entire life together.
With all of that randomness said, if I was in a dating scene I have no idea how I would feel. I would imagine I would feel the same way but who knows man. But keeping with I am quitting for myself would make dating someone who drinks easier I think?
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Hello @Reese… I started a thread with a similar topic about 2 weeks ago because I am changing my habits by avoiding alcohol yet my husband continues to drink regularly and around me. It is getting easier for me after I have talked to people on here and also used whatever online inspirational videos that I can get my hands on. Today is 25 days for me and I am going to a bar with my husband to watch football. He will drink (a lot most likely). I will not drink alcohol. I am actually fine with it now. I wasn’t at first, trust me! I am not trying to guide him anymore. I am looking out for my own health. He is a big boy making big boy choices. Just because my thoughts on it no longer align with his, it is not my job to interfere with his path. If I don’t like what I experience with him in those moments, I elect to separate myself from him. Deep down he gets it. I would draw the line at drunken verbal abuse which has happened in the past yet I also had a role in that because I was also drunk and confrontational. Our relationship is really getting better because of my change. I am a better partner and he is returning the energy. After everything I have read and learned about brain chemistry on and after alcohol, I can’t help but have some empathy for him. I have to allow him to make a personal choice regarding his relationship with alcohol. I can only make my choice on the energy I am willing to accept into my life.
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Well, my husband still drinks. In fact yesterday we celebrated an early U.S. Thanksgiving as my daughter, grandson and niece are all here in town and the adults, except me, all enjoyed a drink or two after dinner. Nobody got sloppy weird drunk like I likely would have, they all just had one or two cocktails or in my Mom and Dad’s case, they had a half drink, leaving most of it. That’s how normal people drink…they take it or leave it.
For the OP, it really depends on how much the person drinks. Do they have a problem with alcohol? Do they drink frequently? Use it to ‘unwind’? All good things to discuss. If it was me and I was single, If I was still in early sobriety, I would probably steer clear of drinkers…slippery slope. But if they have a cocktail when out to dinner or a glass of wine, no big deal.
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Love this!!! You gained the same insights I did here way back when and they helped me so much!! Glad to see the same wisdom helping you. Great job!!!
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Yup, yup. The same with my hubby. He doesn’t like drinking much anyways and when he does he only has one or two. He’s super supportive of my sobriety so he doesn’t drink in my presence😊
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