For anyone thinking about drinking or going back to their drug of choice, remember the shame that comes after! It can last days or longer, sometimes life depending on what you did. I am on my fourth day sober and new to the journey of admitting that I have a problem. I never want to go back and thought my horrible feelings might help someone else abstain. Shame, anxiety, and so, so tired.
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Welcome and congrats on your 4 days. I am new to this too and am almost at 40 days. I am down today but I know it will pass. I could fill pages up with the shame I have for different events and/or actions. I just keep trying to look forward and knowing that I have my first grand baby coming soon helps. It is amazing not to have a hangover or regrets when I wake up. There is so much love here.
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The shame is the worstâŚthis too shall pass. Congrats on 4 days! Weâre on the same milestone 
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It gets better in time if you stick it outâŚi thought id never get through my first few days but i didâŚyou are an addict struggling with addiction not some monsterâŚtry and pepper your feelings of shame with being kind to yourselfâŚthe shame is what the disease wants so that it can keep you downâŚdont let it. You are a human being struggling with addiction give yourself some compassion and care right now because you are deserving of recovery and a better life 
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Welcome Amanda!
Congrats on 4 days 
Playing that tape all the way through to the end still helps me after 4+ years of being in recovery. Itâs easy for me to remember the fun times drinking. My addictive brain likes to block the bad memories and thatâs when I must play that tape to the end.
Wishing you the best on your journey
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Welcome to the community 
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Thanks so much yâall!!! I think our nervous systems and subconscious are looking for something from our DOC. Like relief from stress, courage in social situations, or to forget other negative emotions - so our brains try to convince us that our DOC is a good idea. Like a child trying to convince a parent that ice cream is good for dinner. No means no brain!
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Oh my gosh! The anxiety. I went back to bed (thinking only for a few) and just woke up past the time I usually start working from home. Mind you, I can make my own hours as long as itâs a minimum of 30 per week. Iâm having coffee and trying to train myself to stop stressing things I donât need do! Because even if this wasnât only day 4, I would still be stressed. I think my high stress attitude is part of why I drink. Not enough natural flexibility. And all we have is a lil 100 year life and then move on. Why stress, logically? As long as Iâm trying, shouldnât that be enough? Never seems to have been for me! I prob need counseling but that would also require insurance. So I will stick to my fellow fighters who seem to give great advice so far!
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It is a self perpetuating and exhausting cycle. When I would start to think âoh, just 1 wonât hurtâ, it helped me a ton to read over my list of why I quit and what drinking had brought to my life. Remembering why I quit and the reality of drinking and drugs is super important to me.
Congrats on day 4!! It gets way better, keep going!!
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The shame is hard because I am the one left with the aftermath of my addiction. I am still learning to forgive myself.
Hang in there I promise it gets better.
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Ultimately, this is what keeps me sober. I canât count the amount of times Iâve woken up miserable and full of regrets, telling myself âThatâs it! Iâm done! I canât keep doing this.â Only for those feelings to disappear by the end of the day and be right back at it. After so many years of trial and error, it was obvious to me what happens when I drink. Absolutely nothing good. I had to break this painful cycle.
Rather than dwelling and feeling shame over these regrets, I took a step back and learned to accept them. All of those things have already happened. Nothing I do now can change that. Itâs completely out of my control. The only thing I can control is saying NO to the only drink that matters. The first one. To this day, when Iâm faced with that decision, it isnât hard to say no knowing what will happen if I donât.
Coming here everyday and reading posts like this is what continually refreshes and strengthens my conviction. Welcome 
and thank you for sharing. Weâre stronger together 
Keep coming back!
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Thatâs it! Iâm done! I canât keep doing this.â Only for those feelings to disappear by the end of the day and be right back at it.
It still amazes me how many times I woke up feeling like death and how quickly I was willing to put myself through it again 
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Yes I have just reached 30 days like a few minutes ago and sooo happy. I have not been able to stay that strong. It has not been easy at times. I work my way through it barely at my witching hour around 5 oâclock Just playing out really what happens after the first drink. Feeling so much disappointment in myself when I wake up from it all. ashamed that alcohol beat me again. I work it day by day. It was really nice to hear someone who does not know my struggles or what I am doing say wow what have you done? Your face looks like it is glowing and rested! A woman always wants to hear something like this! :)))
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