The start of our relationship was unexpected and not the greatest. She had lied to me really early on about giving sone guy a bj and i intuitively had to squeeze the info out a couple months later, and it brought up deep unhealed wounds from the past when i went through a similar experience. We could have gotten through it if ivwas sober though. I would think i was getting through it and then blackout and say/text terrible things to her. She loved me so much and i was so different when sober that she stayed or came back and it ended up becoming a cycle. I even broke up with her because i knew it would never work out if i was drinking. But we stayed close, and now that she has finally really moved on, found a new boyfriend, and we dont talk… it has fully hit me, what ive lost, how much pain i was putting her through, and how muchi have hurt myself. The messed up part is i know shes still really loves me but i may never see her or talk to her again. We had a really deep connection, and alcohol took that away. I have finally been driven to the point of working 12 steps, really diving in more than ever. I wish i could have done it before, but it takes what it takes. Its so hard to know shes moved on and how my blackout verbal vomit destroyed us, but its a very real motivation to change. I wish us all recovery, and i wish healing for those weve hurt.
life goes on Liam split with my first wife which i didnt want but i found the 12 steps recovery didnt get her back but met a lovely girl got married two sons still sober married 31 years now i can go on and on about the changes to my life wish you well
Welcome to the community here @Liam111 .
We’ve all said and done things we regret to the ones we love while blackout or even just while in active addiction. Sometimes we can make it up them and sometimes we can’t. Unfortunately we can’t change what happened in our pasts. All you can do is keep working on you and your recovery and have faith by doing so that things will work out for the best for you in the long run. Just keep living life ODAAT.
Just focus on today man, and someday maybe you’ll be able to make amends and heal up.
Regret guilt and shame are only going to lead you back to drinking so focus on getting your recovery strengthened and take it one day, one step, one relationship at a time and look forward to the future not the past
Thank you for being so honest, and it’s clear you’ve reached a turning point—a place where the pain is real, but so is the desire to change. That kind of clarity can hurt deeply, but it can also be the start of true healing.
You’re right: it does take what it takes. We don’t always get to repair what we’ve broken, but we can become someone who doesn’t break things the same way again. The fact that you’re doing the steps now, really leaning into recovery, means you’re no longer running from the truth—you’re walking through it. That takes real strength.
It’s okay to grieve. To miss her. To wish things had gone differently. But this pain doesn’t have to be the end of your story. Let it be the beginning of something new. The version of you she loved—the one who showed up, who was present, who wasn’t drinking—that version is still in you. He just needs time, truth, and grace to grow.
Keep going. Let this be the chapter where you become someone you’re proud of, whether or not she ever sees it. Healing is possible. Peace is possible. And you’re already on the path.
That’s very true. For me I realized I was also fundamentally hurting myself. Every time I did my addiction, I was damaging myself physically and emotionally, locking myself away in a harmful addiction prison. I am learning to find freedom now, and I love it.
Welcome to Talking Sober!