Resentment and Untrustworthy

Okay… So I’m not good at talking about my problems and such. Ive always kept this subject bottled up… Like 11 years bottled up. So… My husband and I have been together for all most 12 years… We both have drug addictions, although they are different. He prefers cocaine and meth while I preferred heroin and pain medicine… But… He also has a sexual problem with porn. Where he would call lines, look at porn alot, go on dating sites and search on local sites and phone lines… Our relationship is all most beyond repairable… I feel as if he betrayed me for the simple fact that… He would do this even though I was willing and able… Every time he used, which would be every week or multiple times a week, he would do all of the above or maybe just call or watch other women. This happened so much, even though he would hide it… I knew when he would do it and where… He probably owes thousands of dollars to the phone bills and credit cards… He lied to me so much that even though now we are in recovery… I don’t believe or trust him… We have 5 children together and I want us to work out but I have no idea how to get passed this… I resent him and feel like i cannot ever trust him again… Im always angry and upset because of the hell he put me through all those years… I don’t know if anyone has gone through this same thing but if you have or know of some advice that could might help… Please let me know… Im physically and emotionally exhausted from the heartache it has done to me and I’m at a stand still with our relationship. Also, I have NEVER cheated on him or spoke to other men. I’ve honored our love as much as I can but… The pain is all most unbearable. My mind feels corrupted because i can’t control the hurtful memories that play in my mind every single day and night… Thank you for your time and any advice given…


I’m sorry you’re having a cruddy time. I don’t have much advice, but I figured I’d send some positive vibes your way. All the support you can get helps. I hope your day gets better. Stay strong :muscle: and rock on. :rainbow:

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I can honestly relate to how you feel or so I believe. Only i ised meth with my spouse. We met doing so and have tried to sober up 3x. This is our last try. We have both agreed on that. My dedication love and devotion is 100 but for some reason i cant get over certian things that my other half has done and / or put me through. The lies, broken promises, heartache, attention being elsewhere, prior cheating in which he admitted to…im fucked up but I still love him and dont want to give up on us. We put so much into our relationship already and its like if we both are still in love and willing then why throw it all away. One day at a time and actions will speak louder than any word ever spoken. Let go as much as you can on the heavy stress he has caused you because at the end of the day you are making yourself sick. I know i am doing so to myself.