@Mno @Scorpn @BLOODSHOTJOKER
I’ve been sober since April 2004 and did my 4th step in June that year.
Over the last few weeks I’ve been doing a lot of walking, averaging 20k steps a day. During these walks I’ve been listening to J&C BB study in particular step 4.
Something has been nagging at me for a long time now, but, hasn’t driven me to drink, yet, it’s an event that that took place in February 2006.
I know all alcoholics say this, but, I did not do anything wrong, and it didn’t affect my career or my wallet ,but it did effect the way my subordinates viewed me.
I was cleared of any wrong doing and the officer who brought the charges was reprimanded, but, by then the damage was already done.
This happened 16 years ago, I’m no longer in the military. I need to let it go it is just memory and can’t hurt me other than mentally.
I need to do another step 4 & 5.
The only problem is my sponsor died 6 months ago (sober, pancreatic cancer) and finding a new who has the sobriety I have and want hasn’t happened yet.
At the moment I feel I’m being an AA paracite living of my sponsees, getting them to work the steps, but, negelcting myself.
It’s working at the moment, but, for how long.
I tagged you 3 in because in the last few months you have been very supportive and fun, it’s just a shame your all so far away.
Any advice from anyone in Recovery would be welcome 
For me a singular resentment can always be cleared up by reading page 552 and following the suggestions. Maybe it will help?
I’ve just read “AA taught him to handle sobriety". Thank you, it isn’t a complete solution the just reading never is!
Can’t work out how I never read this before, perhaps the first 164 aren’t the whole program, there’s always more 
Working a program is a commitment, you have to be willing to be programmed basically. Thats what the twelve steps are essentially, a conditioning to belong to the AA club. IMHO. Anything I’ve ever quit that stuck, I quit cold turkey. Anything I tried to program myself to not do, with AA, NA, or treatment failed. But hey everyone has a different path. Try that higher power, it works for me. Stay well my friend.
Thank you Branden
Thanks Derek
Just checking in. I’m at work, but i will write a proper response when i get home. Hope your day goes well 
Wow! This is quite an accomplishment! I am proud of you!
The best way that I’ve dealt with things like this are working through it. I used to go to therapy. And while I didn’t accept therapy while i was doing it (because it was mandatory) going back to understand the series of events from as many perspectives as I can, has helped. That’s what we did in therapy…
This is something that does happen at times and unfortunately, I’m not sure what can be done about it. Are you still in contact with any of the subordinates that you think view you differently? Maybe telling them your side of the story could be beneficial?
This is something I also struggle with. If you find a solution, please share.
I’m sorry to hear s/he passed away. I know that must have been difficult. To grieve a friend and mentor.
Finding a new sponsor I hear can be hard for someone with a lot of time and who is working towards what you want also. I don’t have experience in AA so I don’t know how to offer advice.
Sometimes just being able to help another person along the path can be helpful though. So don’t be so hard on yourself for focusing on your sponsees. Don’t neglect yourself or your needs though in the process. If you feel like you need to take a step back and focus more on yourself, I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. It might actually benefit everyone involved. You can be a better sponsor if you are also taking care of you. Remember you can’t pour from an empty cup.
I’m glad we’ve been able to be supportive and bring some fun and silliness into our shared journey. Sometimes I don’t feel that I am contributing things like this, so thank you for letting it be known that our banter has been helpful 
And I agree it sucks we’re all so far apart, but the beauty in it is we have been able to come together here even with all the miles apart!
Hope this reply helps you. And I hope you’re having a good day.
By the way, is the new smoking cessation product helping with less side effects? I hope so. Don’t want you getting sick while trying to get better
i Tell my guys sometimes that bag your carrying on your back will get lighter and if you have any resentments left in it just pray for them and they will fade over time .wish you well
So similar to what Ray mentioned on praying for the other person, I liked how Stutz framed that in Jonah Hill’s documentary on him. That’s a good watch. Lots of AA in his Tools. I’m doing a book study on Breathing Under Water that might be interesting that’s based on 12-Steps.
I’m sorry to hear about your sponsor. That is so sad.
Doing another step 4 and 5 sounds good. My new sponsor and I just did an ‘annual’, just looking back at the last year. It was good. Not the same weight lifted as my first step 4 and 5, but definitely cathartic. I am reading thru the book Drop the Rock, which is about letting go of character defects. I am also hanging on for dear life to resentments years old and want to drop them. I know the other person either no longer remembers, or cares, but they continue to bother me. I find that they are more in the forefront of my mind the emptier my life is. If you have sponsees that must be helping to keep you fulfilled.
Last night I exercised my keen alcoholic mind, well I actually made a more conscious effort to connect with my HP and asked for guidance.
The upshot is that when I woke up this morning an answer came to me, I shouldn’t be looking for what I want in a Sponsor, but, what I need; so the search begins a new.
Thanks for all the help and support I now realise that I’ve been neglecting the spiritual side of my recovery, which is not a good move, so aim to put that at the front of my daily to do list.
I need to read Drop The Rock. I’ve heard such wonderful things.
I’ve just bought Drop the Rock and The Ripple Effect, for kindle, so it looks like I’ve got some serious reading and learning to do. It’ll keep me out of trouble 
I have read it once, there were definitely some good parts, some parts were a bit too religious for me, and some parts I didn’t quite get. I am glad to not be reading it alone this time.
I’ve just read the introduction and found out that I’ve got version 2 which has been expanded to cover more stuff. Unless you got the book prior to 2004 you’ve probably got version 2 as well. It’ll be good to singing of the same song sheet.
Might create a topic for just Drop the Rock, unless ones already in existence
@Scorpn, I have found a way that works for me. I’ve been reading ‘Drop the Rock’, and in one if the paragraphs was given this bit of advice, "pray to your Higher Power that person ‘x’ gets what they deserve and then pray again that they then get what they need.
Putting it in that context has allowed me to feel better, and Karma is a wonderful thing, I’m not a religious guy, but, I’m certainly spiritual.
I said I’d get back to you if I found an answer, it’s working for me, but, it’s not an instant fix 
but it’s not playing on my mind ½ as much as it was before, try it it may work for you, you’ve got nothing to loose 
&
I have one of these. It’s a challenge. My main way of currently dealing with it is just to pretend the person doesn’t exist, it’s the only way I can cope.
I don’t ever see myself being about to forgive them, but I can see myself potentially maybe having understanding that their actions were because of personality disorder and not entirely under their control and therefore their karma is their every day life, so there is definitely some justice in that.
To cut a long story short, when by best friend of over 20 years (like a brother to me) was on his death bed… (He was diagnosed with aggressive cancer and only lived a couple of weeks from his diagnosis) he had this crazy girlfriend whom he’d only been seeing for a couple of months and I’m pretty certain she has Histrionic Personality Disorder. She would not leave the hospital ward and screamed and shouted at my friend whilst he was very ill… Especially if people came to visit and she didn’t want them to (he didn’t even see his own father before he died) she especially didn’t like me (some kind of nuts female jealousy because I am also a woman) and she screamed her head off at him because I visited. She told other close friends and his family that he was recovering when in actuality he had two weeks to live. She got a solicitor to write a Will with her as “partner” got her family in to witness it. And after his death took a large portion of his money. When he was told he had hours left, he asked her to leave he just wanted his sisters there… This killed me not to be by his side at that time but I did it for him, I respected his wishes like any decent human would, he was too ill to speak after that… On the other hand she only left for a few mins and when he was took back to his home (as he requested) she forced her way in and wailed uncontrollably, whilst playing Stevie Wonder (wtf! He didn’t even like Stevie Wonder! It’s so odd!!!) Which made it even harder for his family during that time. She couldn’t even follow the wishes of a dying person!!! Instead just thinking of herself… He was way too ill to do anything about it.
I made a decision at the time he was in hospital that things just needed to be as calm and easy as possible for him, because he was just so ill, why add to the drama, I spoke to his sisters, I saw him when I was “allowed” by the crazy £#@&! It took everything in my soul not to take her on. His sisters and I spoke to the nurses, we dealt with her as best we could. We just wanted precious last moments with him. He just wanted peace, and one of the last times I spoke to him he said it would be harder to get her to go. And he knew she was crazy but it was just too much effort to deal with the crazy. I had to respect his wishes. It was hard.
Once he was dead she stole things from his house including paperwork which made the whole process of sorting his estate so much harder.
That crazy £&£#@ is not someone I see myself ever forgiving. At least I can’t see it now. Aside from just thinking she’s crazy and good luck to her. If she died a rotten death, I would dance on her grave.
Wow that’s long.
And maybe not even particularly helpful.
I guess I want to say that you’re not alone. You aren’t. Life is tricky to navigate sometimes. Just do your best with it.
Thank you for sharing this 
It sounds like it also could work for me as I’m heavily struggling with resentments these days.