Hello all. I am 47 days sober and am having a difficult time letting go of a huge resentment involving an ex girlfriend and her new boyfriend. I have done a lot to walk away from this situation but as soon as I think I’ve put it down her new boyfriend finds a way to contact me and use my past against me. I have made many horrible decisions in my active addiction but I can’t change the past. I’m only trying to change myself today and not repeat those old behaviors. I am finding myself obsessing on this situation and it only makes me angry and want to say and do hurtful things. I don’t want to live this way and if it continues I am sure to eventually drink over it. That would be the worst mistake I could make. I just needed to put it out there and hear myself saying all this. Take care of yourselves and know that non of us are alone in our sobriety.
This excerpt from the Big Book has been helping me in dealing with the resentments I occasionally have against my ex-wife her boyfriend.
Simple directions, but very hard to follow, at times…
AA / Fourth Edition / Page 35
We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too.
We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend.
When a person offended we said to ourselves,
“This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.”
I can only control my actions. I will never be able to control another’s. I will never be able to change the past. I can only influence this moment in time. For me, living my best sober life I can…right now is all I can do. As you move on in your sober journey, this becomes easier.
A recovery program like AA or SMART will help. For me, it took time to get thru the steps. While for some just working the steps made everything better…it took me time.
So, for me…I started with not picking up a drink every day. I then started on a path of recovery.
It gets better, Stay sober!
Read page 552 of the big book and follow the suggestions. Check back in 2 weeks and I bet you have a whole new mindset!
Page 552. Absolute truth. I have read it many time and thank you for the reminder. When I get caught up in the moment it becomes hard for me to remember this advise. I want to stop beating myself up for things I can’t change and be free of this. These people do not matter to my sobriety and I must remember that. Thank you all for the advise.
Thank you for sharing! I send you good vibes and take all the suggestions here for myself too. Thanks all 
Congratulations on your 47 days that’s great!
Resentments suck. And the thing is it only hurts you or the person holding on to that resentment. What is it they say? It’s like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
I’ve always had trouble with resentment or letting go of it. I resented one of my kids for being an addict and all the shit my kid put me through. I’ve come a long way since. Anyway. I ran an Alanon meeting and I got to pick the topic. “Resentment” that help. And I also wrote an angry letter to my child telling them exactly how I felt. I didn’t hold back a thing. And I kept that letter. Never gave that letter to my kid. I really let out all my feelings in that letter. It really helped. I don’t still have that letter. I don’t need it anymore.
@Inneed I hear you. On step 4 at the moment, and it just means I have a big list of so many resentments. Some years old, but damn they rankle. On a logical level I understand “resentment is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die” and “do u want to be right, or do u want to be happy” but man, they are hard to let go of
@CapriciousCapricorn it is hard for me because I am not even spiritual. My hp is time/the connections between people. “Let go, let God” doesn’t quite fit, somehow.
Do you have to talk to her new bf??? Nooo way I could do that!!!
My thoughts exactly, if you don’t engage he cant get into your head! If you are able block his number, set your socials to private and block him . Its very freeing letting go of his ability to make you react and once he sees that you don’t respond to his drama hd will move on. Good luck with it 
Even better, just change your phone number and delete all your socials, you literally dont need them. Your future self will thank you.
I don’t know the logistics, if their is children involved etc.
But if you don’t need to bother with them then don’t, we all fucked up in the past, it’s there we have to live with it. Such is life.
If anything if he truly cares for her and is happy with his relationship with her, then he should be grateful you guys broke it off,
I’m in my 30s most women I meet have ex’s it’s reality, but if I hold a grudge against their ex in their past, we can’t move forward.
If you are such a huge part of their relationship, then that’s a problem with them not you.
No, thnk goodness but he text me some very nasty things. I became very angry and it reminded me of my old self. I felt disgusting after it was over. I prayed about it and this morning sent her a final text apologizing for my part in the whole situation. I can’t afford to keep this inside of me nor do I want that. I thank God for AA and th er steps.
Apologized to her??? Thats your ex!!! I mean if people have kids thats one thing. And i dunno the situation. But exs are exs… Like byyyyeeee forever lol. I never talk to them again period. Like someone else said get a new phone number. Close that door lock it whats the point its done.
I agree with the ladies above. Why oh why put yourself through that? DON’T answer the phone if it’s them. Don’t even open texts or emails. Ignore everything that’s coming from over there. She’s moved on for goodness sake! And obviously, you have too and in the right direction 
Gaurd your sobriety! How dare ANYONE try to have power over you to make you drink. You got this!
Thank you so much for your words.