Im glad your here. Your going through a lot. Im glad you came here and shared.
There is nothing to be ashamed of. I admire your strength.
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Hey 
Didn’t even know you had a thread. Til tonight. I checked out the beginning real quick. Then scrolled down to this ending one. Wow. This really sucks. I’m so sorry you are going through this horrible period in your life. I cannot imagine your pain. Grief counseling sounds like a good plan. I hope you can find someone soon and someone really good. Don’t leave us. We may not be irl friends. But there is a connection here that is powerful in its own way.
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I’m not going anywhere, unless I don’t get off the crazy train. I really don’t want this stumble to more what it was. you are absolutely there a connection here, you being one of those connections, my friend and you as well @JasonFisher. And others.
Here in way I’m more open and honest about what’s going on in my head as I’m not afraid being judged or worse removed from people lives. It is my safe place.
I’m very private and guarded with my emotions with family. Mom always said “getting me to talk was like pulling teeth.” I miss her she was that person I ran to when life kicking me. When she wasn’t the one doing the kicking, RIP.
I’m disappointed that I lost my stacked up days in row. But what done is done. I feel I did gain something from it though. And Not that I didn’t know that no answers doesn’t lay at the bottom of bottle. But it bought zero numbing or drowning out to the noises in my head.
Instead it did quite the opposite. I will keep that close as yep now get back through these first few days again.
Thank you for being and supporting me, when needed a hug and someone talk to even if it is virtual (there still a real person there giving the hug) And should done it before playing with the Demon.
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Please don’t be ashamed. I relapsed many times before I could get sober. I felt very weak as well and unable to strings weeks together, or days. I too would turn to my DsOC when feeling a lot of emotions. By the end it only made me feel worse and I needed to remember that, but somehow often could not.
I am so sorry you are going through the final transition with your husband, and that you feel you need to be the strong one for your family. Is there any support system at the hospital or in town for you? Or maybe AA? Idk if you do that, but it may be a way to let off some of that built up grief and fear vs using. Having a setting to share feelings is important…and if it is here, that is good too. You are not alone, even tho we are not there to give you a physical hug.
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Im glad you feel safe here.
You learned something very valuable from this. That alcohol doesn’t work anymore.
When I had my final slip. I had to learn what I learned from that.
No shame in that.
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Hugs to you, my friend. I can’t even imagine the pain you’re going through. Just wanted to say you’re in my thoughts. Hang in there!
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Sending the biggest hug to you, my lovely friend. I know, God I know, that in person is different, but you’ll always have us behind you. My inbox is always open to you if you need an ear.
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I just stumbled on this thread and I’m so sorry for what you are going through. Keep talking and I’ll keep reading. Sending massive hugs.
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Life is coming at you HARD right now. I am so sorry about your husband. Relief must seem so far away but you are strong. I know this because you REFUSE to give up on kicking the mother fucking demon that is alcohol. I can’t believe it’s a legal substance when it wreaks such havoc in many people’s lives. It’s good you will be able to get grief counseling. Remember that all the sober days you have had until now have helped you even though it may not seem like it because of the relapse. May you find some amount of peace soon. 
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Hey friend - I am so very sorry that the demon got in. I know all that you have been juggling and I’m sorry that you felt the need to numb or dull the stresses with alcohol. I am grateful that the demon did not deliver. Grateful that you did come right back here to seek support and work on your sobriety. Grateful that you know all those stacked up days are not lost. You earned each one of those and will get there again.
You are dealing with a lot in real life and not having anyone to share it with can become overwhelming and exhausting. I do think its a great idea to seek grief counselling. I was also going to suggest a grief support group. WE will be here for you. You do not have to go through this alone.
I do understand why you don’t lean on your kids but you know what - they are adults and it is time that you shared mutual support. You all can be there for each other. No one person has to burden it alone. You do not always have to be the strong one (I know that is hard to change after years of always being the anchor). You are allowed to breakdown. You are allowed to ask for support.
Much love to you friend. Please note that there is no shame here in your reset. You should be proud that you are not letting this stumble define you and you are working on day 1 again. Fighting for yourself and hopefully now looking into coping mechanisms to help you when the demon comes calling.
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Thank you! @JazzyS @PinkFirefly @MrMoustache @Madds @SassyRocks @JazzyS @JasonFisher @Dazercat
Thank you! 
Yesterday was very, very long day! The cancer institute was extremely busy. The vibe in the building was chaos there was so many people waiting just like us. We got there at 8am and left around 5. One of the last people to leave, at this point the vibe in room felt like it had sense of relief. Oh wait, maybe that was me.
Made it home finally around 7. The fur babies happy to see us. Of course they had made messes. I cleaned up the messes. And, I fall straight into bed with sober head.
I will do the same today.
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That sounds like a very long and exhausting day. Glad you came home to loving furbabies eager to see you home
Hope you are doing well today 
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Thanks for checking on me. I’m doing ok this evening. Lazy day at home. Made some soup, snuggled with puppies and watching movies.
Will make it to bed sober tonight
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Enjoy those movies. Congratulations on day 3 
. Sweet dreams 
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Awesome! 
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I’m on Day 3
Medicines helps me to stay stable, getting better day to day. I do not want to look back again this time !
I don’t know how many resets I made in this app, sometimes I think why this don’t work for Me, My thinking changes in seconds.
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I feel you there! I have many resets over the last two years. But it least we keep trying. We sober twins now.
The last time I dance with my Demon. I really found, that I did not get anything I wanted from it.
I wanted to shut out the noise of this world. It did not work.
I want to be happy for a few hours. It only intensified my sadness.
I found nothing at the bottom of the bottle but more pain and sadness.
I’m holding this last drunk feeling tight to me. I want to be sober. I don’t want to go through another day one , two or three.
I will end this day sober and have my day 4 when go to sleep tonight.
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Yes, I can relate to you. I’m in the same situation. I end up with a zero bank balance, and then I have to find work to pay my EMIs and cover other expenses.
I also need to silence this addiction voice in my brain. Let’s do this together. I’m about to complete Day 3, and today I’m going to bed sober. 
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Sweet dreams! I’m just starting my day here in the PNW. I will stay sober with you, while you sleep. We got this!
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