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Morning, I did not give in to the :imp: :brain:, and I’m VERY happy this morning I did not. Last night was hard, every poke was fight back with thought of it was so hard to get here! You can’t give in. If you pick up, you will be back there again, struggling to get those first days under you. And you will wind up right back to days, months, years of drink and soon you will be in a :coffin:.
Still I was struggling, I came to here, read my journey, posted and read around here. Then got up took a shower then started a fire in our fireplace drink some hot chocolate. It was still poking at me but I was repeatedly telling myself “no” in my head, “it was so hard to get here” and went to bed. Head to pillow sober!

But it makes me wonder more about my triggers. Why yesterday was so very hard? And what more can I do to avoid them. Sure do not want to many nights like last night, it sucked, I won, but it definitely sucked battling most of the day.

Or maybe I should be asking myself why I was drinking all the time? Yea, not ready for that one, just yet.

Thanks for being there. And this morning I’m happy that can say today is 41 days sober and I really do love it. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:. Keeping it simple, one craving at a time ( hopefully not as many, yesterday) and get the head to the pillow sober at the end of the day

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Good morning, Von, and congratulations on making it to day 42! My first 30 days sober, I used disulfiram (Antabuse in the US), a drug which will induce nausea, high blood pressure, and other severe hangover conditions in the presence of alcohol - if you drink on it, you will get immediately and severely sick. I had used the medicine before and it gave me confidence to get to bed sober.

To be completely transparent, the first 5 months of my sobriety were while I was waiting to go to trial for another drunk driving charge. I was allowed freedom while waiting for trial, with conditions including that I had to give a breath sample every day, 7 days a week, between the hours of 6 AM and 8 AM. If I was late or missed a day or blew above .000 % blood alcohol level, I would forfeit my conditions and be held in jail until trial. There was one day when I was 15 minutes late - they called the district attorney to ask whether to arrest me or not. It was my first and only exception, so they let me stay free, to my good fortune.

After 30 days on Antabuse, I started to experience side effects that made me stop taking it. At that time, I was panicked that I would drink (and see the above discussion about going to jail if I drank!). I decided that the only time I had ever felt comfortable not drinking was in the 9 months following an inpatient rehab stay, when I was going to Alcoholics Anonymous and working their program of recovery, so I returned to AA.

It took about 3 months for me to reach the day when I realized that I had not thought about booze at all the previous day. That was such a happy day! Using the AA program, and individual counseling, I was able to stop fighting the booze, and accept my alcoholism as a treatable condition. I still identify today as an alcoholic, though I introduce myself in AA meetings as a “recovered alcoholic”. The grace that I experienced in growing my sobriety allowed me to understand that my disease is treatable, that being an alcoholic was not an inevitable predictor that I was doomed to drink again despite any efforts on my part. And even after that first day of real freedom, the cravings would still come and go. Less and less over time, until today they happen rarely, and are usually a sign of my anxiety over some other issue.

These things take time. The secret about time is that the only time we have to concern ourselves with is right now. And in this precise moment, I am safe, I am warm, I am comfortable in my skin. Staying in each precise moment is a skill that AA and other programs (notably yoga) helped me to practice.

Everything is gonna be alright. Blessings on your house :pray: as you continue on your sober road.

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51 days ago I was laying in this very same bed super hangover and desperately wanting to stop the crazy train I was on! And With a lot of determination and help from my TS community! I can happily say I have 50days today!

There were lots of struggles especially the first few days/weeks. But I fought my :smiling_imp: alcohol brain, one battle at a time and won those battles. And now I know I can win every time it pokes at me.

I don’t want to go back to that part of my life.

Drinking my life away, Sick, feeling like (knowing) I was dying, hangover, fighting with the hubby, morning of regrets or wondering what happened the night. And oh yea, how the hell did I get in bed last night.

I don’t miss that shit at all!!! I don’t miss sitting around all night just pouring drinks down my pie hole until I was passed out drunk.

Now, I’m back to living my life.

I remember what I did that day, how and when I got to bed, even if it’s super early :crazy_face:. I get out and walk everyday. And do other things. Which is a lot better then laying in bed all morning thinking I was dying (because I was) then turn around in the afternoon and just to start drinking again

That was not a life at all!! Alcohol is lying demon :smiling_imp:.

My body continues to heal its self. Drink is not option for me!!! And I will continue my goal of getting my head to my pillow sober at the end of the day.

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Happy sober 50+ days @Von100 :blush::sparkles::sunflower:

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Thank you @Sticky for very kind words! Hope that you stay right on my heels from here on! It really is just one day at time, and doing whatever it takes to get the head on the pillow sober at the end of the day.

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Wow, sixty day!! :microphone::tada::heart_eyes::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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It’s tough but nothing in life comes easy, you can do it I hope your future is bright and alot happier than you feel at the moment, I hope you have a lucky and clean sober life :pray:.

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Been a tough day. That demon of mine has been poking at me all day. But I did not let win it! Going to bed early and starting the work week with no regrets. Not all days are easy! Tomorrow will 70days of freedom!

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Good night friend. Sorry that today was so rough. A huge congrats on making it through sober :muscle:t4:. Sleep tight :zzz::sleeping:… look forward to celebrating your 70 days with you tomorrow :confetti_ball:

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Thank you for the support! I had to let it out last night! I couldn’t share it with the hubby, just in case he was feeling the same. I Knew better than to open that old box! And i would probably be hanging my head in shame this morning!

But I’m not doing the morning shame walk. I made to bed sober last night!

It feels so good not to be waking up hungover! I did go to bed super early last night. But that is ok, I could use the extra rest. My body is still healing from all the abuse I put it through.

Yesterday, I had to keep reminding myself of all the reasons not to pick up that first drink. Using all the tools, in my toolbox . And remembering just how hard it was to go day one without drinking! How much it took to get here! And how much I do not want to lose my days that I have stacked up!

I have come so far from the girl lying in bed hungover and begging to live.

This is the longest, I have been sober in a decade! Wow, a decade! A decade of a wasted life.

No more!!

I love being sober. I love being in the moment, completely aware of what going on! I even don’t mind being bored, sometimes. I love waking up remembering how and when I went to bed! I love waking up with no regrets of my drunken stupidity the night before! I love not wondering what the hell happened!!

I will not go back to that life!
It really was not much of a life at all!
I will not let this demon :smiling_imp: win And take my life from me!

I’m proud of myself! I’m just getting started on this next chapter of my life. Which already is better than the last! And my alcohol :smiling_imp: and it’s shenanigan’s, doesn’t get to have a part!

So, here I’m again, today. I will put my head, on my pillow, tonight sober. And keep writing a better chapter in this life of mine!

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Good morning to you! Glad you were able to come here and unload some of your burden with us :pray:t4:

Love this … keep it going strong :muscle:t4::heavy_heart_exclamation:

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Hi @Von100 I just caught up on your story, and went on the roller coaster ride of feelings in early sobriety! :tired_face: You’re doing it, girl! Every milestone I saw, my heart jumped a little with excitement! I’m getting a bit teary, because I know how hard it really is. I don’t even know you, but I’m still proud of you! Keep sharing your story, it has helped me to remember those early days. I’m pulling for you! 🫶🏾 Just for today.

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