So im here yet again…having to reset i guess? I was sober for 2 and a half years and these past couple of months since august i think… I started drinking again maybe it started in july though now that im thinking about it,… it started off with a couple shots here and there not really paying any mind to it… thought i had control in the beginning because i wasnt getting black out drunk as i did before i got sober…and as the months went on, i would go off and drink for a week then stop “recover” from the hangover which lasts longer now and go back to drinking again… with each time getting worse than before pretty soon i was drinking as much as i used to before i got sober… My craving felt like it instensified, even my family noticed they told me “what youre drinking again? so you just dont care about anything anymore” in that point in time i guess i didnt care because i really wasnt taking care of myself and i wasnt home the majority of the time…it got to the point to where i was almost kicked out of my home but i still went off and drank…i knew what i was doing and still didnt like it, its just everything in my life at the time was overwhelming and i got frustrated, i forgot that i could deal with things healthly but my first resort was to drink because thats what i did in the past…these past four months a lot has happened and i felt out of control because it felt like no one could stop me and even i wouldn’t listen to myself…and this last recent time was the pivital moment for me because something could’ve seriously happened to me… i drank with the wrong people and i put myself in a situation that i definitely did not want to be in and it made me realize that i need to cut it out again and this time really hold myself accountable because no one is going to do that for me except me. I fell down a dark spiral and now im trying to get myself out of it while i still have people that are there for me and care about me. i need to do better…for the people that love me and most importantly for myself…because who knows there might not be a next time So im writing this to let someone out there who might see this know that its okay to mess up as long as you know you messed up and are trying to do better now… We’re all only human. this is me finally realizing that im not perfect and its okay to startover…
That’s just the way this works. Initial control may appear to be easy, but very soon the thinking that 1 didn’t hurt how about 2 returns. Thanks for letting me know that it doesn’t get better or easier. I will stay sober today and check my motives because of your share.
Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey again.
Thank you. I think its always good to check-in with yourself every now and then and reevaluate your motives because we’re changing everyday and change is good. Thank you for being sober.
I’m trying to see your point, i just cant wrap my head around it,
Thank you though… I’m sure I’ll understand it better later on in my recovery but for now. thank you.
maybe another way of saying what @mx_elle is trying to say, is that we need to rightly judge the act of using the drug as bad. that’s important so we can do everything we can to avoid using it ever again.
but - we are not judging ourselves as bad. we are okay, we are human, it’s okay to make mistakes yes - AND, it’s not okay to not learn from the mistakes when they are so extremely dangerous.
does reframing this make sense? @mx_elle did i get what u we’re trying to say here?
p.s. proud of you for your awareness and catching yourself slipping. it will be so useful as you move forward into your sobriety this time, so you never get too confident again. it’s also helpful for me and others to read what can happen when you think u can moderate after a long enough leg of sobriety. so thank you for sharing and i’m proud of you & i’m rooting for you!
I am so with you!! I first started really trying to get sober two years ago after drinking since I was a teenager. I was so committed and then I just completely gave up after I made it a few months a couple times. I’ve definitely struggled with the whole no one there to stop me as a full time single stay at home mom…I’ve had to beg myself not to drink some days but I usually would. I liked someone’s suggestion to not think of how long you’ll make it but just committing to getting through each day even each hour. I’m so much more productive already although withdrawal the first week I’ve been alcohol free so far has made me feel like 
especially because I had a cold. I was actually nervous my cold is the reason I’ve been able to stay away from it, but I’m committing to bettering myself as I enter this new chapter of my life. I’m about to move into a tiny home for my son and I finally our first place of our own and start an esthetician program at the beauty college. And I want to be healthy for my autistic son he needs me for as long as possible. Here’s to seeing and admitting our problem and wanting better for ourselves. We deserve it 🫶🏻
Thank you for this response. I appreciate it
You’re doing great with your progress and I am so happy with how far you’ve come. Thank you for saying everything that you said, we all truly do deserve better. One day/hour/minute at a time. 
Well i think thats what happens as we look in the mirror and we finally dont like what we see. At least you are trying there is something i ask myself all the time now and it covers a very broad aspect of my life. I ask myself how am i living its a very easy answer your heart will tell you good or bad. Stay strong 
Good you are back. Everything you learned is still there. It’s just a reset in time. Be proud you are dealing with it and taking care of yourself. There are always valuable lessons to learn from a relapse. You can’t change the past so do your best and look ahead.
Its all a learning curve…i think the key is fully accepting that you can never be a “normal” drinker that youl never be able to moderate, it sounds like you didnt quite have that down before so if the relapse has brought you to accepting that then its all good