Resets suck

So I went 9 days sober for the first time in YEARS since ive even went more than 2 days with out a drink .

I am not totally sure i want to go completely dry . I had drinks last weekend and sunday I began another goal 14 days . So far so good . The first week was extremely hard . I was nervous i would feel all that again but i dont . I am ok with out alcohol. I hope it stays this way … if i continue to not have the extremely strong cravings i think i could go with out alcohol completely. Does this make sense ? Am i just kidding myself ? I just dont want to drink every day and now im not i broke the cycle . Thats what i ultimately wanted . If i keep resetting with different goals is that ok ?


Hi K. Good to see you here and well done on your initial 9 days of sobriety and for getting back on it this week.
Now to be the bearer of bad news (sorry) In my opinion, yes - you are deceiving yourself. You are here because you drank almost every day, you (like so many of us here, including me) have an addiction to alcohol. Whilst you have now done a stretch without, I’d bet you were thinking about alcohol daily or even counting down days for a drink?
I tried for eight months to moderate as you have described. Sometimes I’d manage 10 days, other times I was back to drinking daily after one day off. And start over… It was exhausting and ultimately made me miserable.
When I finally accepted that I couldn’t moderate, I felt free.
Perhaps your experience will be different. As I say, this is only my experience.
Please keep checking in, would be great to see you around :heart: X


Welcome, I know I had the same thought process before fully committing to staying sober and the same sort of bargaining ideas… just on weekends… only at weddings… maybe a few on holidays… I know realise that I am all or nothing, the lines always moved and even if I could manage for a little while with these “rules” I would always come unstuck.

I just had a read through your previous posts and you mention…

Personality change
Out of control
Sick and tired
I wish I was a social drinker or not at all
I drank to get drunk

This doesn’t sound like fun to me anymore and I hope it gives you some clarity to understand why you came onto an app called totally sober :pray:


I would echo what has been said before and add -

  1. if you’re concerned enough about your drinking to join and contribute to a sobriety forum, you probably have a problem with alcohol

  2. if you enjoy drinking to excess you probably have a problem with alcohol

  3. if you have to count the days you’re not drinking… you probably have a problem with alcohol.

And why not? Everything about the stuff is designed to give you a problem!


Hey pal, I think a lot of us have felt this way, I know I have.

After being sober for a week or two, I convinced myself that I didn’t have a problem, because quitting was fairly easy. I mean, if it’s easy to quit, surely there’s no problem, right?

As a drinker, a problem drinker or an alcoholic, we all have our list of Yet’s that are keep tally of.

Basically, it is:

I have yet to experience XXX consequence from my drinking, so I will continue until I do.

The problem with the Yet’s is, it keeps us sick and it makes us eligible to fulfill them. Another problem is, we’ve actually checked a lot of Yet’s off but probably didn’t acknowledge it. We’re playing the game but no one is keeping score.

Another reason I had a hard time wanting long term sobriety was because I had a hard time letting it go. It was a part of me, almost like it was my brand. Without it, who am I? I somehow convinced myself that despite all the Yet’s that I already crossed off, despite all the negative things that alcohol directly caused, I still felt it had value; and that value was worth more than the price I was actually paying.

After some time sober, and in the beginning, I wasn’t sure if I was going to be sober longer than a day (and that’s OK), but after some time I came to this conclusion:

I want to moderate my drinking because that would give me permission to get drunk occasionally, and that is what I really want, because I am an alcoholic, and that is what alcoholics do.

I get it, it’s hard to see passed ourselves on to what’s possible; One day at a time and you will get there.


I read the whole post but this really is all you need to re-read to answer your own question.

You couldn’t go 2 days without a drink for 9 years. That sounds problematic to me.


Not 9 years . 3 years ( lost a daughter to SIDS ) but still absolutely right in your response friend . Im fighting giving it all up definitely

I know the answer . Im fighting having an alcohol problem. I have been sober all week thus far . I am still sober today . Tomorrow is a new day to keep going :muscle:


Keep going @KVR289

Hi and welcome, to me moderation is the last step to abstaining.
I say this as like others have said it doesnt work and going through that makes us realise and come to terms with our problem.
I think if anyone has to question if they have a problem with alcohol deep down they no the answer but we have to prove to ourselves we do.


I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter, I can’t imagine how devastating that is. Sending you love & strength :people_hugging::heart: X

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Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us @KVR289. I think all of us here can relate to what you are trying to do. I know I can. I wanted to be an occasional drinker for almost a decade. As others mentioned here for me it was: only on weekends, only on bad days, only on good days, every other night, only with people around, only to celebrate something (and there sure always is something to celebrate), only on weekdays and recover during the weekend, only beer, only one kind of wine, only small bottles, and on and on and on…
You get the picture. The moment I quit for good I was sick and tired of constantly thinking about the next drink. It was occupying such a huge part of my mind and I felt stuck in a truly miserable loop. It was bloody exhausting.
Peace of mind and room to tackle more important issues in my life started the moment I decided to let go of drinking all together. Now the only drink I ever have to think about is the very first one. Knowing what it entails it’s not a difficult choice to make. And to be honest, most of the days I don’t even have to think about the first drink anymore. I really wouldn’t trade that peace of mind anymore. That’s what you might gain from it. :orange_heart:


Hi there,
In my opinion its much better to drink once every ten days than drinking every day but the problem is when you believe this is ok to drink once in a few days, then the red line of drinking become thiner and thiner and slowly the days become fewer and fewer till you drink almost everyday again,
Sorry for bad English


Well I am worried about not being able to enjoy anything or I won’t find a happy sober life enjoying normal things people like to enjoy, I dunno I have yet to give it a try honestly tho


Welcome to our community Kaitlyn. The opposite was actually true for me. The time spent has a lot more quality and depth now. Alcohol really isn’t needed to have fun. We didn’t need it when we were kids, right? I still go partying and meet friends. It still fun and I get to remember the full evening, wake up shame free and with a clear mind. Plus, I got to discover who I am and what I want for the first time in years. You’ll know when you are ready. Much love :orange_heart:


I brought my kids to a Christmas festival with another friend with kids. She kept asking me what’s wrong ? You look sad . " i legit was just sitting on her couch . with all the kids playing . while she ran around cleaning up her house . I said several times im good. I asked her why do you keep asking if im ok. She responded with the most motivating reason to keep sober. She said because im not as hyper , i was being calm . I said im sober ! Im being me . Im not sad or anything. Im just not 3 sheets to the wind like you obviously seem like thats the “normal” me .

Im sober . Not being a loud mouth clown or the butt of everyones jokes .and shes worried about me ?

I literally have no female friends with kids to have my boys play with .


I love this! This is so true, everybody that has tried moderation ultimately will have to admit that it’s not the path to a happy life…


Yep unfortunately learnt from experience, but again i think in most cases its a stage we have to go through to belive it.

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