Ugh here we go again… Drank again today! I just don’t know why I can’t seem to cut out booze. I was doing so well and then BOOM drinking again and again… I’m so tired of failing. I know I’m stronger than this! Back for support. Not giving up! 
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Don’t give up! It shows courage and determination that you came here and posted. Do you attend AA?
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I’ve really considered it but I’m not really a social person and having a hard time talking infront of others. Here helps me confront my demons in the privacy of home.
I have here basically. I think I’m going to reconsider this doing it all myself at home thing. I think I need outside help too. 
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Might be time to give it a shot. Doesn’t seem to be working the greatest though. Sobriety is a team sport, share the ball. Together we can win much more easily than carry the entire load ourselves
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That’s great that you’re here. Lots of supportive people. You also do need more. Also a sponsor to help you and be there whenever you need help. There are online meetings as well.
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That is true! I’m just afraid to share this side of me publicly. On here I feel safe. It’s weird I know.
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I would love to hear more about that program for sure.
How do I go about finding a sponsor? Sorry I’m completely clueless to all this.
Thank you so much love.
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Gahh the feels! You guys are an amazing bunch. Thank you for being so awesome. Missed you all so SO much. I promise I wont be a stranger again. So happy to be back. Thank you so much hun! 
Hi, how much did you drink Today?
Hey hun sorry that is a touchy and private thing for me to discuss but let’s just say it was a fair amount of hard liqour… Not proud but when I drink I can consume quite a bit. I’m what some call a binge weekend drinker typically. I usually drink once to twice a week. Sometimes I don’t drink for weeks though it really depends if something triggered me.
I know how you feel. I really cared a lot about how I was viewed/percieved by others. It’s just a roadblock in the way to internal happiness, we can look happy on the outside and be roiling torment on the inside. I live for me a lot more now, some things that come up are unsavory and embarrassing but they’re all part of the story, part of my last chapter.
We were in Walgreen’s yesterday and my kids were making casual conversation with the check out gal. They mentioned that they were visiting, they were in foster care and that mom and dad used to fight. I could’ve been mortified and chastised them outside but that doesn’t do any good. We had a constructive talk, and they’re allowed to share whatever they want because they were apart of the story too.
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Keep going and don’t give up. If it is weekends only it is not too bad… i was drinking everyday for 12 years. Dont be embarassed it is a horrible disease we are all fighting with here. I decided to stop again Today. First few days are the worst. Sweating, anxiety etc. It will get better soon. I really hope that I will make it as my liver is damaged and I want to live. Good luck.
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No problem we are all new once at everything. Go to an AA mtg. Let then know it’s your very first one. They should have a first step mtg with you (preferably just the women). That just means they tell you about themselves and how the program worked for them. They will then give you their phone numbers. At that point you can ask one of them to be a temporary sponsor to get you going. If you want 2 click then she is your real sponsor if not then you can find someone your more comfortable with.
I was scared as hell when I went to my first one. After I realized there is nothing in the program that will harm you it will only help you succeed. I’ve met some awesome people and love it when I see them at meetings.
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Don’t you have to pray at those AA meetings? I am glad it did help you but I think that the alcohol counsellor would be more practical rather than praying. When i stopped drinking once for a week i started playing basketball and jogging everyday. It helped me a lot as when i stopped drinking I needed to find some passion to dont think about a drink. Unfortunately i was jogging to much and i started having very bad knee pains. I could barely walk and that caused me to relapse.
Truly you’re an inspiration! What amazing parenting. I would of been mortified too but the fact you have accepted what’s done is done and no use hiding it is incredible. I hope to be that strong one day.
Not hiding in fear and to be able to opening discuss with others the struggles of my past. I battle ptsd, anxiety and depression. Flash backs, stress etc can be huge triggers for me. My whole life I’ve hidden. I’ve been afraid. I don’t want to be scared no more.
It’s taken me a long time to get to where I am today, mentally I’ve improved. I used to be on medication all my life to help me cope. Took me a long time but I haven’t had to take medication in years now. I still have bad days every now and again but I’m proud of myself.
I’ve always drank. Since I was 12 in fact… Not proud of it but I started then after I was sexually assaulted and my brother died. My parents were not the nicest to me and I often felt unwanted. I was bullied at school and then would come home to worse.
I dropped out in grade 10 because I couldn’t handle the abuse there and at home so I figured cutting out one would help. I eventually ran away from home at 15 but the abuse and hardship didn’t stop there. I won’t say much more… Not quite ready yet but Alcohol I’ve always sort of been dependant on.
It’s been my escape. I’m now in a lot better place but the alcohol consumption has gotten worse and worse. Addiction runs in my family especially with booze. Yes it’s not everyday but it has the potiential to be if I don’t stop. I don’t want to use alcohol to numb the pain anymore.
I need to stop revisiting horrific memories. There’s a lot I don’t even remember but I know it’s there if that makes sense. It’s like my brain put up a wall as a defense mechanism. I’ve contiplated hypnosis to see if walls could be torn down but I’m terrified to hear what they might find.
I’ve tried therapy and it didn’t work well for me but I think I may revisit this option. I just need to find that motivation again and really stick with it. I need to be more open about what happened to me. I’m one hell of a fighter and I know I can do this. Some days I think about writing a book about my life. Sharing that dark past I’ve kept hidden.
I need to let go to set me free. Sorry for my blabbing on and on lol.
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You definitely don’t have to pray at an AA meeting if you don’t want to. Knee pain didn’t cause you to relapse. It gave you an excuse. No matter what we will always find an excuse to drink. AA teaches us to live without the need to drink, so next time you hurt your knee you won’t have to drink.
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Yes there are prayers but it’s voluntary.
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