So I’ve been sober from weed for almost three months but my drinking got out of hand again. It reached a point that affected me so bad mentally I got terminated from an esthetician program that meant the world to me. I’ll spare the details because it hurts too bad to even explain. I’m a full time single mom to an autistic child and I was banking on this to open my own business which I had already had a name and logo and Instagram for that I was proudly posting my work on. I had just posted about being proud of the woman I was becoming. But the truth was, I wasn’t mentally okay. Pretty common for us humans to do…but especially when you have mental illnesses. You truly believe you’re okay until something knocks you back into reality. It’s embarrassing that I just won’t be able to even post on it anymore. Or graduate…and all the reasons. I’m heartbroken that this could hurt my chances of even trying to go to another beauty school. There is another beauty college here starting in a month but I doubt I can get financial aid again after being terminated. I have savings for tuition but if they ask for transcripts from previous college in enrollment they could deny me for being terminated too. Although on the application it only asks for high school transcript so I’m not sure they will especially since it is for beauty school? Plus…I still have to pay off part of my loan and I heard a school won’t give you your transcript until you do. So basically I have a shit ton going against me and I (drinking) ruined my life. At least that’s how i feel. I’m trying to be positive and not give up. I’ve been severely depressed the past few days. Even if I get in the new school at least I will have some time to get my mental health together and start recovering again. I’m planning on filtering my pain into the gym again like I used to. don’t worry about giving me tough love, I’ve been hard enough on myself and am taking responsibility. I just really need some compassion, support and motivation that this isn’t life ending. It’s a shitty reality check but at least I’ll start getting healthy again. Maybe a bigger door will open for me as I put in the work to better myself and for not giving up. Also I can appeal their decision but I don’t even want to go back with how misunderstood they made me feel for not hearing me out, nor do I want to wait that long to go back because it would take awhile. (Although if I can find out I won’t be let into the new school in time for me to appeal I may, but there’s probably high chance they won’t accept it) I hope I can get into this other school. I’d get more days off (which is good for my mental health) and I’d still graduate around the same time. I don’t even mind starting over. As for the public humiliation at least I could just say it was a better suited program for me because the only person who I really need to be honest about it with is myself and ofc those closest to me so they understand what I’m going through. I know I don’t need to explain myself to anyone. Just needing time for my mental health shouldn’t be shameful either…I just worked so hard to get here. I begged them to give me a chance and she said she’d give me suspension instead and we can meet tomorrow for the final decision but I already know the outcome because she told me it was highly likely. Please pray for me and lift me up with love. Also does anyone know how to edit my sober time so that I can keep the current for weed and add a new drinking sobriety date?
I am so sorry love! Addiction is a bitch and even when we know the harms caused by it we find ourselves back in its clutches. I am sorry for the shitty reality check. Grateful that you are back fighting for your sobriety. I know you can be stronger than this addiction. Keep putting in the effort and energy into a better healthier sober life and who knows what doors will open up for you.
PS - on your main page of the app where you see the sober time - click on the three lines on top left. Go to the “manage” link and then you should see a plus sign on bottom right to add another addiction timer.
Sending you love my friend - grateful to see you back 
Thank you so much my sweet friend 
really means the world to me 
I’m so sorry to hear of your struggles. Remember, recovery (and a career for that matter) is a journey. Right now is a bump for sure, but it isn’t a dead end if you don’t want it to be.
Sending love and courage. 
keep focus on this and the many other encouraging statements you made. the sting of pain from this outcome will resolve the sooner you devote yourself to the life you’re building now, from here on out. we don’t need to make ourselves feel worse for our mistakes & drag out the misery by allowing fear and shame to consume us. yes, we must face these raw feelings and accept them as part of the path we walk, truly so we can let them go and keep moving forward into each new present moment. let’s stay focused on our highly righteous goals, our amazing abilities, our capacity for compassion, humility, courage and change - and what we’re building from right here with what we have. you’ve got this!!
Thank you so much. I’m having a hard time moving past the fact that I felt I was building the life I finally reached being able to even start, but I have to breathe, and remember I can still do that again. Only healthier and wiser. The path may be longer and harder now, but I can reach the top of that mountain and it could be an even better view. If I sink into the sadness and give up I’ll never even get the chance to make it.
you are an amazing warrior woman!!
truly, so much strength courage and wisdom in what you’re sharing here. i am so proud of you 
Laine…when i came here i was absolute rock bottom so please know that i completely understand where your at…i can honestly tell you now that as awful as it was at the time i look back on that rock bottom now as a blessing because had it not been for that i would have probably never looked at myself so closely and do the work on myself to get where i am now, compassion is what pulled me out of the deep hole i was in in the first instance so im sending you some heartfelt love and hugs and the second thing was the support of this community so stay here with us and allow us to support you through this…you can do this…i am with you
Hello Laine.
Keep moving forwards and making steps. That’s all you can do some days… Just respect yourself and be mindful of your needs and keep talking.
Good luck, keep checking in.