Hi Tasha! I’m sorry you’re having a tough time, we’ve all been there to some degree and can definitely relate to the hopelessness and fear. I feel like I’m hearing “I can’t stop and nothing will work,” which is both not true and not a helpful mindset for success. But like I said, I’ve been there and felt that, so I’m hear to remind you that you can stop and something will work. It will probably take time and a lot of hard work, but it can be done. Everyone is different, every addiction is different, and each person’s situational challenges are different so it can take a while to find what works for you. I’m encouraged by the success people here have found, and comforted by the knowledge that they understand and I don’t have to be perfect, I just have to do my best. I wish you the best and I think maybe if you read around here or hit up some meetings online or in person you can be encouraged by other’s success as well and maybe it can give you the grain of hope you need to begin the foundation of your sobriety.
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Im trying everything i can.
Im engaging with an alcohol service.
Im going to try different meetings.
I just want my babies back.
But im struggling to find the fight. Which is awful.
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Natasha, go to a meeting today.
Do not drink today.
This hour and then the next hour. Then the next. These hours will not be easy, these first days will not be easy, but it will get easier with time. You need to put in the work, though.
Focus on these two as the first step. This community can give support and resources, but you need to take each step yourself. Don’t delay it any longer. Just start now 
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Have you gone to rehab? That would be my advice and come out of rebab with a solid recovery program in place.
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