Just wondering if any one learned (or knew) what the root cause of their porn, or more specifically, their porn/masturbation/orgasm addiction stemmed from? I’m currently seeing a psychologist to determine mine. I’m under the belief that my life has been perfect with no trauma. 
Hi Lime,
From the outside looking in on my life you could say that I haven’t really suffered any major trauma either. But there was plenty in my life to escape from. Any sort of feelings that I didn’t want to be feeling at that moment.
Boredom, loneliness, sadness, anger, fear…you name it. I even used to reward myself for a job well done by acting out. Just like an alcoholic with a drink.
I don’t really see it as though we were broken by some trauma and then we were forever flawed. I was exposed to pornogrpahic magazines around the age of 6. The older neighbor kid showed me that his brother was hiding them. It did really tear back the veil for me and the obsession started young. I recall fantasizing often and even m’ing before puberty. I think I was wired to have this addiction/obsession since birth and that there was this event that set me down a path. I thought life revolved around sex.
When my parents were going through their ups and downs in marriage my home felt very chaotic and those things weren’t ever talked about. We got an internet connection at that time and I was off to the races. So much so that I avoided seeking out relationships through highschool and college. I told myself I didn’t want to end up like my parents and porn was always there to offer escape and validation without any commitments. I dug myself a deep hole and really didn’t capitalize on opportunities to grow emotionally intelligent like one shoukd in their teens and twenties.
But I wouldn’t change any of it. It did tear me apart but it forced me to get in touch with my HP, to work the steps, and to get better at facing life on life’s terms without seeking escape. If I’m not living in the moment, I might miss out on more opportunities to grow.
I hope its okay to comment even tho I dont experience the same addiction as urself (mine was drugs and alcohol). But when I think of the root of my addiction, i think of wanting to escape how I felt. I know that for me anyway, i felt like there was an inner void. Like something was missing in my life.
I like what @Mtrav0040 had to say as well. And in talking about family, it made me think… I grew up thinking that there was not much trauma in my life as a child but then by the age of 15 I was using drugs. Over the course of my 22 years of addiction, I absolutely faced traumatic experiences that fed my addiction but it wasnt until I entered recovery, that I realized that i did in fact experience trauma as a child. My home was very chaotic. There was instability as my mom suffered from mental health issues that were not treated. My dad was unemotionally available and our relationship was strained. As a child, we rely on a loving, stable environment, and when that need isnt met, or when we as children are not shown how to handle intense emotion, I feel like we turn to other things to cope. I think all of us as humans, have this need to feel okay in our own skin. For me, coping with my environment at that age, was with food early on, and then drugs at 15. Trauma is different for everyone. What someone may think isnt traumatic to them, may be traumatic to someone else. Im not saying u experienced trauma or anything of that nature (as I dont know ur story), but I guess what Im trying to say is that, as children, we may have underwent something that was traumatic to us then, which could have inflienced our addictions. I know that was true for me. For me, i used my addictions to escape how I felt and the environment that I was in.
@Butterflymoonwoman well said. I think escapism is the goal for anyone with an addiction. For me, blackouts, nods, and numbness or complete apathy was what I strived for. Anything to get outside of myself and not deal with the feelings I felt.
A big root problem for my PMO is toxic shame. As described by Robert Glover in
No More Mr. Nice Guy.
And John Bradshaw in
Healing the Shame that Binds You
Another root problem for me was my lack of adequate connection. Needing men in my life that know me and are looking out for my personal and spiritual growth.
Also, Brainwashing, as described in Allen Carr’s EasyWay methods. There is a hack book for porn addiction here.
Poor boundaries, broken relationship with God, and a faulty paradigm were also root problems of mine that needed to be identified and addressed.
My sex addiction of PMO started with masterbation at early middle school and pornography added in high school. I’d say mine started with being sexually abused by a baby sitter at 4 years old. Then became a way to deal with other traumas and life situation and the addiction progressed.