I relapsed today while in the shower. I cant really pinpoint why I did it I just wanted to feel better but now I just feel worse. I wish I could’ve controlled myself.
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I’m sorry to hear about your relapse. The voice of addiction sneaks into our mind and whispers “go ahead, just do it”. It’s lying but when we’re still in addiction something about it calls to us.
I used to relapse in the shower too. For years. The shower seems like a “hidden” place - for me anyway it always seemed like a place where I had time and space.
For me what frustrated me most about relapsing was how I knew, intellectually, what I didn’t want to be doing. I didn’t want to be relapsing. It took time for me to really make a change that would change my routine though. I had to do some sobriety work, sharing, learning, groups, counselling, etc. - a combination of these things were what helped me to turn things around.
I’m so sorry again. It is hard I know. Don’t give up though. Reach out and try again. Read around on Talking Sober (search “self harm” and you’ll find loads of threads w people sharing their experiences). It isn’t an easy journey and many people are trying, really trying, to escape the chains. But it is a worthwhile journey and if you stick with it, you’ll make it.
Take care and don’t give up 
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Thank you matt for sharing your experience to make me feel better because it did. The shower is a hidden place which makes so much sense on why I do it there. I think I’m definitely going to attend a group. Thank you for the support
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I am sorry to hear that. It is not about control or being weak, there were feelings that triggered the want, and you need to learn to understand and deal with those feelings in a different way. That takes time 
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