Hi my name is Juan. I’ve had the privilege to talk to some of y’all but I never mentioned anything about my addiction. Well here goes nothing.
I’m a recovering sex addict, my inner circle behaviors are getting on dating sites, and having sex outside of my marriage. I found out about this addiction about 4 years ago and have had many set backs since then. I’ve hurt many people along the way including my kids and family. I’ve used this addiction as a way to cope with life. In high school I lost my father and to deal with that pain and to block those feelings I had many one night stands, and fooled around with many. Had my oldest son my senior year and showed up to him being born with a hickey on my neck. Joined the Marines right out of high school and that boosted my ego even more. Met up with random women out in town, even paid for sex out in town, massage parlors, and went to Tijuana to meet girls at the clubs which was the first time I was with an older woman. Got married at 21 had three kids and cheated on her pretty much the entire time.
Fast forward to my current marriage. We’ve been together for 8 years now and I had many set backs due to this addiction. 4 years ago I met my therapist and found out all my actions and behaviors were caused by me being a sex addict. Started going to meeting, have a group of guys I text and talk to often to stay accountable for my actions, and see my therapist every week. I’ve gone a year of not acting out but my addiction got the best of me and now I’m 4 months being sober. I have connected with my higher power and got in touch with my feelings and feeling good. I have my urges and triggers but with the support of a lot of people I’m learning to get a handle on the addict in me who wants me to act out and go back to my old ways.
Sorry for the long ass post but I been procrastinating on posting this. Look forward to hearing from many of y’all and plan to be more active on here. Thanks for letting me share.
Glad you got that out there Juan.
There’s plenty of people around that you will be able to connect with on here. Great job on your 4 months. Keep up the great work. Have a good trip to Houston.
Appreciate the kind words and it was something I knew I needed to do. But it’s always good to get things off your chest. And thanks the trip won’t be until the first week of June but gotta plan all that out ahead of time.
Welcome Juan. There are many of us here. You are not alone.
Sex addiction - like every addiction - is about escape, it’s about running away (emotionally, psychologically, socially) instead of living life on life’s terms.
When we recover, we learn to live life naturally, within healthy boundaries, which is the way it works (ultimately when we’re in addiction we ignore boundaries, which is what creates all the problems).
We are fortunate today to have lots of research into recovery from sex addiction. Search Patrick Carnes and you will find good interviews and resources; there are also the resources here:
Have you considered joining a group? Are you in a recovery group?
Thanks Matt and I’ve been in a local group for awhile now. Have a group of guys I chat with and do zoom meetings every week. I have quite a few book from Patrick Carnes and I even listen to one of his podcasts to help better understand this addiction. I’ve been learning more and more about for the last 4 years.
Awesome! Yes I’ve been doing books by Patrick Carnes as well: Facing the Shadow, and Recovery Zone. I’ve learned a lot about myself and my life in the process - and I’ve been working on understanding my history, and creating a healthier life for myself. It takes time, but it feels good. When I look back on all the time I wasted acting out, I am just amazed. I’m glad that’s not me any more.
How are things going for you recently? The last year has been unusually difficult for a lot of people; did it affect you? What are some of the things you’re working on now?
Yeah this pandemic did some bad for me minus gaining weight, but I started playing mobile games and ended up chatting with some females and went back to my old ways of turning things sexual, swapping numbers, and pics. But on the positive side it also helped me gain a better relationship with my higher power
