It Started just to have fun, next thing you know a year and a half has went by and you can’t really remember 3 events that’s happened. You realize everything you were as a father as a man is gone inside and out. You believe you’ve been ok until one day it slaps you in the face that you don’t reqonize your own family you’re changed withdrawn trapped in your own mind lost to a fake dark fuzzy reality that your the only one believes is real. You get label scitsofrenic manic delusional everyone around you family friends strangers make you feel shun alone and lost even more. You realize you haven’t been a father a husband you’ve developed something that won’t let you even leave the house to get groceries because a switch has literally flipped in your mind and what you see isn’t what the World sees. Family getting ready to walk out because the reality of what you’ve put them threw was hell and they had nobody for support they lost that man they once knew watched him slowly slip away and lose himself because he wanted to have fun one night 
. Now he don’t know who he is he don’t know what to do with his life because the things that happened during this course were real to him anyway the pain humiliation torture of his reality consumes him still, and how do you tell him that everything he’s been saying doing feelings beliving is wrong it’s all made up his head then actually get him the belive that and move forward. This is my story the shortest version I can explain. Im lost going threw the hardest time of my life lost everything physically mentally spiritually emotionally. I do realize now after that so called slap in the face that it’s to late to fix the damage I’ve done to myself my family, my whole mind frame body soul needs to heal.My way of seeing these things in the world now that ive been calling reality some of it extereme something you would see in a movie, some not so extereme but they are very real to me they have chaged me literally down to the core of who i am and be willing to lose everything ive known because thats how real it is to me. Im standing in the same room as everyone else but just differnt color wallpaper they say one color i think its another so to say. Today will be day one probably the easiest of the days i need to heal but that’s hard to do right because there’s 2 ways to do that and I don’t wanna miss another 2 years of life numbing everything living so fast time seems to stop if that makes since.
2 Likes
Yes, you make a lot of sense. Day one, just don’t drink or use today. That’s all you have to worry about. Today, right now.
Welcome to Talking Sober. There are some great people here today can help you along the way. Let us do that.
1 Like