I’m really sad today. Sad because on Christmas evening I got to drunk and when I got upset about something I wasn’t able to regulate my emotions. I caused distress on my gf, her mom, and our roommate. It wasn’t until this year that I started to have moments like this. Where I don’t give my gf space when I’m in that state. Now everything feels hard. It’s happened a couple months ago. A few times this year. Now I don’t want to drink anymore. I don’t understand why I get that way. I don’t want to lose her. All I can do is give everything time. I’m so sad because I just got my engagement ring I wanted to propose to her. We have this beautiful home together. We were family planning and about to buy sperm. I feel so sad. So very sad and disappointed in myself. She wants space now. Idk if our roommate will stay. Her mom is upset with me and idk if I’ll ever fix that. My gf hit something and fractured her hand. It wasn’t even worth it. It was just a lot of shots at once, something small that upset me, and the liquid encouragement to be a fussy bitch. This is the worst. I don’t know what to do other than to give it space and see what happens, but I had everything going for me… I pushed it all away.
My disease creeped up on me. Everything was fine, or so I thought, until it wasn’t. You recognize it’s making you act, feel, be different…
Sounds like a good time to live life differently! We don’t have or need to drink ever again.
Find a program that works, AA works for me but there’s lots of help available. None of us do this alone, or we would’ve. My 2 pennies.
Booze will get you like that. It gets harder to regulate and control as you get older and as tolerance increases.
After fucking up countless relationships i let it go, i like to think if i let it go sooner i would still have many of those relationships.
Good luck.
Yeah…I was always a happy drunk…until I wasn’t.
While I am glad that my previous relationship was finished (we absolutely should not have stayed together) I regret the role that I let alcohol have in its demise. For me though, it was necessary to see the destructive effects that alcohol had on my life and relationships.
Once I got sober, I had to figure out who I was again, how I was in relationships, and all the bullshit and baggage that I brought into them. It has been amazingly helpful to finally see my life clearly.
While you can’t be sure what will happen with this relationship, your gf has every right to decide what she is willing to deal with, you do have an opportunity to decide if you’re going to let alcohol continue to ruin your life.
I saw your last post was a year ago. What was happening then? Usually we don’t come on a sobriety forum because everything is going perfectly.
It took me a long time to realize that the cause of my inability to make meaningful change and good choices in life was alcohol…I loved to blame it on eeeevrything else. When I took the alcohol away however, I was finally able to see life clearly!
And started taking steps everyday towards a better life.
You CAN do this. But it takes a willingness on your part to acknowledge what alcohol is doing to your life! Sending you love today 
I think sometimes a few triggers and unpleasant, upsetting experiences can be good in the long run. Gives you a good indicator when tempted to pick up the bottle.
You’ve recognised what’s happened and owned up to it so please take some positivity from that.
This is exactly how it has been for me this year. I was able to hide it for so long and just be a bubbly, happy, drunk. I think it all caught up this year though. I’ve been in more fights with my boyfriend, explosive, nasty ones then I’ve ever had with anyone in my life. And I love him so much. This is also part of what made me know I need the change.
Let her know how much of a problem you’ve had with it and start actively showing her changes. It won’t be easy, but honestly and transparency means everything. My boyfriend was so excited when I told him yesterday I went to my first meeting. If you guys have that much foundation already, she obviously loves you too. Just give her your all and know that the people around us is what makes life good, not the bottle. I’m very early in my recovery, but I feel this so much. I turned into someone I didn’t recognize this year, but every day is a new one. You’ve got this.
Thank you, I’m this helped me feel relatable and not alone. It’s so similar to how I feel right now.
The thought of losing my marriage was actually a driving force in my sobriety decision 358 days ago. I went to work on a normal day right after the holidays. Everything was slow and we had nothing much to do by lunchtime so I grabbed my work buddy and said let’s go to the regular lunch bar spot. We sat there for oh I don’t know 7 or 8 hours I really can’t recall. I eventually got back to my truck at the office and drove home, I can’t recall to this day how I didn’t kill myself or someone else on the road. I ran in the house and up to the shower to hide my shame from my wife like the hot water was really gonna burn the booze out of me. I went right to bed and my wife hadn’t seen me all day and now I come home and hide from her…great look that was. I woke up with a hangover straight from hell and I looked at my wife and realized I was on the brink of losing her and our family. I told her “never again.” I came down with COVID for the next two weeks after that so I laid in bed thinking about everything in my life and interacting here on TS. Before I knew it I had two weeks under my belt.
Everyday for almost the last year any time I considered having a drink I immediately thought about all it could cost me. It wasn’t easy at first on the relationship front, I know my wife was hesitant to trust me. But, each day was a victory for both of us. For me it was another day of sobriety for her it was another day she gained confidence and trust in me. When you choose sobriety you really begin to realize something you’ve known your whole life….it really can only be lived one day at a time. You learn that what has been done can never be undone but what will be is all in your hands. Wishing you the best, one day at a time.