Went to one of my regular in-person meetings tonight. First time in 10 months I walked out before the end. Im one who tends to cry at every meeting. I find its actually a good release so i dont get emotional in the outside world. Tonight it came time for me to share and a guy says “wheres the tissues?” The whole room erupted in snickers and whispers, giving me high school flashbacks. I feel my safe space has been shattered. How can I get through this?
17 Likes
Pretty insensitive how they acted towards you… Maybe find a different meeting?
13 Likes
That’s so irritating. I can’t believe someone would do that. I hope whoever chaired the meeting, or any considerate person, mentioned that it was wrong to behave that way. And I hope there’s other meetings you’re able to attend for now. Some people are just jerks, sober or not.
17 Likes
To be honest, if that were me in your situation, i know i would be PISSED off. BUT, you say you’ve been actively going to the same group for 10 months?? Do you think its a possibility that the guy whom said that didn’t mean it in a hurtful way? Or a joking manner? Maybe your stories that you share touch him and others, and he didn’t mean any harm by the statement, maybe he meant it causes for him to be emotional as well and he hates that… And maybe all the people did the snickering because they feel the same. Im not saying this is this case by any means, I’m just simply wondering is there a possiblity that you could have misinterpreted what he said and took to heart when he didn’t mean to sound rude. 
?? I just couldn’t imagine someone pooring out there emotions like you do so you can feel better all for someone and others to make fun of you. If it were me, maybe give it one more shot and see what happens. I would say since you left early, he should DEFINATELY know he upset you, along with everyone else for that matter. Maybe he might be feeling horrible and wanting to appologize after seeing you walk out hurt. Again , im not certain. Im just thinking maybe to give it one more shot being that you’ve gone for some time.
Lastly, to be quite honest, the holder of the meeting in my opinion definately owes you an appology regardless of how any of this goes. They have to know you were hurt by what was said and how it was said!
9 Likes
Stare him dead in the eye and ask “Why?.. is your ass leaking again?”
Guy sounds like a grade-A knob.
It shows a lack of empathy, compassion and emotional intelligence.
Belittling attitudes like his are immature, damaging, and in the end will probably hold him back in his sober journey - please don’t let it hold you back in yours.
Also, he probably has a leaky anus and has skidmarks in all his undies.
21 Likes
this is awesome
6 Likes
I agree with @AyBee sounds like a poop kid for sure. I would come back every single time and weep during the whole thing just to be petty. Over share so it makes a meeting go way longer… all of it.
For real though I hope you have another place to go because icky how immature! So sorry this happened 
6 Likes
Sorry this happened- if I was there I’d have called him out on his behaviour, surprised nobody did 
2 Likes
I think remember that this is just one person…i know its horrible but dont let one bad apple spoil the whole lot…
4 Likes
That is a terrible thing to happen. I am sorry. My first thought was, I would change the place I go to, however that is running away and for me it would fester in me. I would go back and face them and tell them how much it hurt you and this was your safe haven and see the reactions. I think the person who said it will feel bad and the others also. They will think about it, and learn.
1 Like
I’ve had to call out racism before at a meeting when nobody else did
I was quite new around and was shocked 
I probably dealt with it the wrong way as threatened him in front of the meeting but was just showing off as was new
4 Likes
AA is just a room full of alcoholics in varying stages of healed. Some people healed, some are not. There are certain meetings I try to avoid based on my personal preference. Luckily for me I have hundreds of meetings to pick from. I hope you do too. And if you don’t you can always try online.
6 Likes
That’s awful, I’m so sorry. Bullies will be bullies regardless of their sober status. That guy made himself feel like he’s somehow superior in a room full of damaged people. Are there any other nearby meetings you can try?
3 Likes
Try another meeting ,as we get more into our sobriety we become stronger and for me id just laugh it off , wish you well if any more problems tell him the Glasgow boys will be paying him a visit .
1 Like
Thank you all for you replies. The chairperson reached out to me after and apologized that he should have spoke up. He is new to chairing meetings. I hold no anger to him. The guy who commented is one to put his foot in his mouth often and he too I dont really hold anger towards. I dont like his personality but can appreciate how far he has come in the program. Tomorrow is his one year birthday.It was morethe meeting as a whole that triggered high school bullying PTSD with their snickers and whispers. I’ve done a mini step 4 about it prayed and released it now. Im away next Monday so will be taking at least a one week break from there. There is an another meeting at the same time near by. I guess I’ll decide in 2 weeks which one I’ll go to on Monday’s.
16 Likes
In meetings there is no room for snickering and laughing. As mentioned before, this is recovery of addiction not a frat party.
I’m not sure what to tell you or not tell you.
Here’s my attempt
The chair being new to sobriety can apologize all he wants but if he’s not equipped to chair, then he was set up to fail
In 12 step meetings, we are all there for a reason. Laughing at someone is a sign of personal trauma. I could tell you don’t take it personal, or get over it but those reasons are why many of us are into our addictions
This addiction problems, be it internal or external, they abuse us or others thru actions and inaction especially in a meeting.
I don’t have the right word for you, so here goes.
Tell them you don’t and didn’t appreciate the mistreating behavior. That’s high school garbage.
And the chair, well, he isn’t prepared to chair. Too early in his program to try to manage others in a meeting
Maybe I’m delusional, i have considerable amount in sobriety, even then, many times i do not feel prepared to chair meetings. But, i have and will interrupt a meeting to cut the crap.
Don’t let that behavior derail your sobriety. You cannot control them no matter how much you try
Good luck to you
3 Likes
Ugh, that totally sucks and I am sorry you had that experience. I can totally understand how that would bring up old stuff. You are deserving of care and respect. 
1 Like