Am I the only one feeling this way?
When I am nervous because of the unknown, I run to escape reality.
Is it worth it for me to act on my addiction? Obviously not! But when I am nervous about the unknown, then I feel that I have to escape reality and go into my attic mode.
I will be acting in a video shoot today, no it is not the first time, and it won’t be the last time. But in the past, every time I had a day that I have to act, I am nervous how it will workout and I act on my addiction because it is easier to escape reality then to live with the unknown.
I don’t know how the video shoot will work out, and it is very hard for me to accept the fact that I don’t have to know how it will work out. So I run to acting out on my addiction.
I do have a desire to stay sober today, I really don’t want to relapse.
Does anyone have any good tips for me to be able to accept reality without needing to run away from my feelings.
I feel the same way. My addiction helped me cope and handle any and every situation out there. Me and my addiction use to fight wars together and now I stand alone. My addiction sits on the sideline though like a nagging cheerleader watching me and ready to jump in the second I feel weakness. 17 days I have left my addiction on the sideline but damn she yells at me pretty loud sometimes!
I feel that way sometimes. Not worth it 2 act out. Why do you keep getting video shoot oppurtunities??
maybe ameeting might help not for everyone but there will be people there who understand what your going through wish you well
This is the kinda where acceptance and living in the moment come into play for me. As an alcoholic I would “Try” to influence every aspect of my life. Usually it would never go quite as planned and I had a better reason in my own mind to drink. But I do believe that I don’t control shit! Control is/was an illusion. Now I’ve found peace in whatever the day brings for me. Not that all my days all full of rainbows and butterflies but I don’t have to have perfect anymore to be happy. Find the moment and stay there. I could go a bit deeper on this but it gets into my program AA and my Higher Power. So If you want more I’ll gladly share
If I remember correctly you are a writer. For me, a great way that I cope (sometimes) is to escape into the story I am currently working on. Maybe this could work for you? Granted, my genre is fantasy, which makes it much more of an escape in some ways, but the story I’m developing right now takes the real life struggles I’ve been dealing with for the last however many years and puts them into a world of my own creation. A huge part of that is addiction and recovery. Haha, don’t know if it will actually make for a great story because I’m so close to it, but it really helps for right now. The other things that helps is constantly reminding myself that I will never be able to write anything I love when in active addiction!
As someone who has been to war (a real one, with bullets, bombs, and badguys) I know what fear is. It wasn’t fear of dying. It was fear of screwing up, causing someone else to be hurt or die. It was fear of appearing afraid.
Here’s the thing: Everyone fears the unknown, at some level. If they say they don’t, they are lying. Bravery is moving forward, in spite of our fear, not in the absence of fear.
I remember my first “at bat”, playing real little-league baseball. I felt as if I would throw up. I wasn’t worried that I wouldn’t hit the ball, I was worried about being hit by the pitch. Guess what happened? My first at bat, I got beaned by a wild pitch. I realized that I didn’t die. Blood wasn’t leaking out of my ears. I had a red mark on my upper arm. That was it. I took my base. Next time up, I wasn’t afraid. I got a hit. Some dribbly thing that barely made it out of the infield, but I made it to first base. From there, my confidence built, until the point where if I got a good piece of it, I could murder that ball. Never deep to the fence. Always head-cutting line-drives. I found my strength, and played to it.
Confidence comes from facing an unknown, and overcoming it. It sounds as if this isn’t the first time you’ve faced this sort of thing. Find your style. Hit high and deep, or low and fast. But you have to step into the box, and take your chops.
Sup Mo. I’m glad you reached out man. Going off of what @Chad_R said and trusting your Higher power is behind the wheel. It brought to mind the story of the Actor trying to run the whole show. in the Big Book. Page 60 I believe. Give it a read.
I of course have had fleeting moments of doubt like this. My wife is 28 weeks pregnant. Sometimes I’m just like How the fuck did I think we can do this again. Then I reflect on everything God did to make this possible for us. This baby was in Gods plan for us. But we didn’t love each other anymore. A lot of things that hurt a lot had to happen to both of us in order for us to come back together. And I have no doubt in my mind that all that happened exactly like it was supposed to to get us to where we are now.
My point is, trust in your HP. Trust that there are no coincidences or mistakes in things like this. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. There’s also a great piece on Acceptance in the BB. Page 416.
Dust off the old Big book man. I think they these pages will help:)
I get fearful of the unknown all of the time. But you know what? 99% of what my mind conjures up doesn’t even happen. I walk through it because I know God runs the show. He puts me in situations and gives me opportunities to learn and grow. When I ran the show and numbed out reality, I made a mess of things. Sobriety makes everything possible.
Thank you for your reply and courage
Thank you for reaching out and to share your thoughts.
Mentioning pregnancy, me and my wife have four children, and I can never imagine going through that pregnancy and giving birth again. It is so stressful and emotionally painful.
By our second child, I was sure that we are going to lose the newborn when it is born because the cord was wrapped around her neck three times. I was really scared and I was blanking out. Thank God the doctor had a lot of experience and patience and she made it work out. Thank God all four of our children are healthy. But I can never see myself having my wife go through another pregnancy