So I’d say that I’ve been a functioning alcoholic since 14. I’m now 32 and have been reliant on alcohol more than half my life now. I have held down a job for the past 14 years, exercise daily, draw and paint, never been homeless, pay child support, my bills are always paid on time but everything I do I drink to get me motivated. The problem is I tend to isolate myself. I have no friends or family other than my 2 daughters and I can’t keep any kind of relationship longer that 3 months. I’m embarassed to let people get close to me because of how much I drink, I don’t like talking to people because they will smell the alcohol on my breath and I shower 3 times a day sometimes to try and hide the smell of alcohol. I feel like I’m wasting away by myself inside my home and even worse inside my mind. It’s hard to quit because I’m so dependant on it. I have tried to keep it to a minimum and control it and i do ok till I’m back at drinking an entire bottle of liquor in one sitting before I even realize it. I know that i need to change because it’s a lonely blurry life I’m living.
My timeline for drinking is exactly the same as yours. I also used alcohol to get me motivated to do things a lot of the time. I’ve got a month sober now and things have gotten better. Every day is a little different, and some days I really just dont want to do anything, but they pass and tomorrow is another day. And usually better. You say you workout. I’ve been getting back into that too. Maybe set some goals in that respect to keep you motivated. It helps keep my mood elevated. Your life seems pretty in control otherwise so now’s probably the best time to quit bc things can spiral downwards very quickly. Do it for your daughters. Mine is a huge influence in my sobriety. Focus on yourself first and other relationships will blossom with time and clarity.
People say you drink because of some inner turmoil, I followed the same path as you albeit for much longer. I still have not discovered the underlying reason for my drinking other than I enjoyed it and being drunk.
Nothings really changed since I stopped I just feel physically and mentally better. I am still a bit of a lurker and I have realized that’s what I like, quite happy being with myself and close family
You’ve come to the right place mate. If you’re anything like me, having even one or two drinks will soon turn into 20 drinks. I might be okay for a few days but then I’m straight back into old habits. It’s good that you recognise that what you’re doing isn’t healthy and from what I’ve read, can tell you want to change. Maybe try sitting in on a few AA meetings?
Like a lot of people on here, the only option for me was to stop drinking completely. It’s changed my life.
Good luck and keep checking in here, as the people have the best advice.
Your story sounds a little similar to mine. I’ve also been a functioning alcoholic since I was 14. I’m now 27. On the outside, I’ve always seemed generally okay in life. I’ve always had a job, I’ve never been truly homeless, I’ve always paid bills on time. I’ve always kept an okayish exercise routine. When I’m drunk or on drugs I’m always nice, friendly and people always enjoyed partying with me.
But what people for a long time didn’t realise, was the 6 pints I’d drank by myself on my own before I even showed up, the bottles I would drink afterwards, phoning sketchy people up once the party was over and doing drugs god knows where all night, then drinking for a further 2 days non stop. The fact that I couldn’t function without drink. That it was affecting my mental health so bad that I’d wanna kill myself on Monday. I stopped getting hangovers - I was too used to drinking to feel sick after. After a bender I’d just feel such crippling anxiety I could barely move, so depressed I couldn’t even experience joy. Then I’d be back on drinking as soon as I felt a little better, or I’d just drink to push those feelings to a day further away.
Trouble is people started seeing more and more of what was really going on. People got tired of me always drinking. Sure, I’ve never been mean while intoxicated, but I can be loud and overwhelming in situations where it’s just not appropriate, through the cracks people started seeing the true emotions and shit that was going on, and it freaks people out. I was trying to outrun something I just couldn’t outrun. Daily exercise became forcing myself to run on the 2/3 days a week I wouldn’t be wasted. All the time it’s catching up on me. Drinking no longer is fun, it’s needed to live life. I try to stop, but realise I just can’t seem to be able to do that. That’s when I find out I really have a problem, I can’t run from it then, so I try denial. That only works for a bit. So after a really bad week, I tried to stop again, no bullshit, just really gritting my teeth through it. I’m almost on day 12. Already, it’s kinda crazy how my mind and body are waking up. It’s not LIKE I’ve been sedating my entire system for years, I HAVE been. So it’s pretty amazing, and hard, and all kinds of things, and it’s only just beginning, which is really good, because being sobriety could only go to amazing places, if I manage to keep it.
It sounds like you sure could do with giving it your absolute best shot, and following everyone’s advice on here - cause it’s great, and it’s already done me a world of good. It sounds like you absolutely really don’t wanna be drinking. If you’ve realised that, it’s a HUGE step. Stay strong man. It’s definitely beatable.
Maybe try a meeting they work if you have the desire to stop , if you keep doing the same then the same will happen maybe time for a different approach ,meeting worked for me i was over 1 years sober when you were born wish you well
your story sounds very familiar to mine, sans the kids. i’ve had wonderful stints of sobriety before it finally stuck. it feels incredible to no longer be isolating myself. even if it takes a hundred times for it to stick, shoot for a month. then 2 and 3… your life will greatly improve. i promise. 
First off congrats on a month sober. I try using my kids as motivation but that’s usually temporary motivation. I struggle to find a way to keep doing it for myself. Think i just got a lot morr soul searching to do to find that motivation for me.
Thats exacty how it starts. Il drink like 1 or 2 beers at first to just relax the nerves then within a week or 2 its to where im back at a bottle of liquor a day. I’ve tried AA but the problem is my town is small and there is only 1 meeting and there’s really only people that are on probation or from halfway houses who are forced to go. I didn’t feel comfortable opening up to people who are only there to put in their time.
Congrats on 12 days that great! Our stories do seem similar. I know what that feeling of depression is like after a binge. I’m usually so disappointed in myself that I stop a few days and when I’m happy again I’m right back at it from the beginning again. It’s a vicious cycle. I’ve talked to a few people about it and they say I’m being to hard on myself but like you they don’t see the whole picture. So many things I hide because I do what I need to to take care of my responsibilities. They just see my life from the outside that seems in control when on the inside and in my mind I’m losing it.
I’ve tried once a year ago for an ex and lasted about 4 months. It was the longest 3 months but as soon as that relationship went south I was back to my old ways. I’m very good at depending on someone else for motivation but when it comes down to doing it for me I just cant. I just need to do like you say and keep trying after every failure
Hey ray…I think a lot of people can relate to your story-I know I sure can. From the isolation to the showering to the not having many friends…it is a lonely life but you’re here and you’re on this forum knowing you need to make a change which is a huge step and I applaud you on that. You still have your whole life to live and your relationship with alcohol is ruining that future for you. I can tell you this: once you have decided and have let go of the chains alcohol has on you you will begin to feel like a new person again. The journey is not easy but the journey is so worth it. I am nine months sober and am loving the new life I am creating for myself. Stick around, you deserve a sober life!
I’m so glad to hear you are 9 months sober. It’s so motivating knowing people can relate. For so long it feels like I’m the only one. I live in a small town where I feel so alone which makes it even harder. I’m glad I found this app. Think it’s what I’ve been needing
That was my case too. I found it didnt work. Like you said it was always temporary. It shouldnt be, right? Last year i managed to feel i had to do for myself and my health and thats when it worked. Thats when i reached 307 days clean. No kids, no wife no family, just doing for myself. But then something happened and i relapsed. Anyway i think we should try to focus and find a reason to do for ourselves.