Seconds from disaster…isnt everything a disaster. Have you reached the point where there are only scars. When your eyes the windows to your soul are painted black. You try to look out but all you see is pain. You run from the light, the joy, the day, you repel it. The light within you has burned out. You try to be free. You know what to do, how to solve it, you have the answers. But the path to the wrong direction is the one you continue to take. On one hand it is easier to take the right path because you have been down these roads so many times. But you dont want to because there is no point. Nothing is worth it.
I am worthless. I am trapt. I cant breath. I am crawling in my skin. I am worthless.
The voices of regret play over and over. I cant sit in silence. I am haunted but nomatter the noise I surround myself with it wont be silenced. The only way to stop it is to give into it. But I know that choice only makes things worst. Only brings me further from the light.
I already feel that my life is over I wish it would just end. But it never does. Only more seconds drift away in the hour glass of the sands of time in my endless pathetic life. Eventually these seconds will run out.
Will I continue to waste them?
@Lost_wanderer8888 Regret to me is not a bad thing. To me it is a teachable moment for myself. Tells me that I don’t want to be back there ever again. All things pass no matter if it’s good or bad. This is the beautiful thing about life just remember that today is uncharted territory and it’s your choice to make that left or right. Just remember it’s a process and your doing a great job. Thank you for opening up and not keeping it in. If you ever need to talk I’m all ears.
@Lost_wanderer8888 you’re holding on to something, desperately, like holding on to an anchor. Why are you clinging to the anchor? Because you’ve been clinging to that anchor for years now. It is chaos and disorder and darkness and loss. But it’s all you’ve known for years.
You’re sinking - you feel like you’re sinking - because you’re holding on to the anchor.
You need to let go. There’s nothing but darkness and pain there. If you let the anchor of addiction sink away from you, your natural buoyancy will float you up to light.
You need to communicate - keep it up here; access meetings online if you need it; call a sober companion - you need to reach out. You deserve a life of light and sight and sobriety. It is in your power. It is yours.
You are naturally buoyant. Let the anchor go. The nervousness about not being able to pick yourself up is normal. But accept it. Don’t fight it. Don’t cling to the anchor just because it’s familiar. You’ll sink. You don’t have to do that.
I love how you describe it as an anchor it really does feel like that. i always loved anchors lol and thought of them as keeping me safe and grounded but you are right they also can keep you stuck.
You already know.
Sobriety is the answer. No, its not easy. But it is always worth it. You are worth it, I promise. Keep trying. One foot in front of the other.
The more sobriety you get under your belt the more those feelings of worthlessness begin to subside. Keep fighting. Your life is waiting for you!!
