Sobriety brings clarity and I am not liking what I see. Having trouble with this. I am seeing lots of reasons why i shouldnt drink. I am NOT seeing reasons to live. Seriously all this around me is becoming painfully crystal clear. Talk about being a worthless drunk, now I am just worthless. No reason to be here. But its ok I will keep drudging on so i can see the part someday where everyo e says it gets better. Thanks for listening.
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278 days by the way. Thanks.
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What is it you see, that you dont like? And Hey, you are NOT worthless!
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You are not worthless that is your disease talking trying to get you back into its grips. Yeah when we sober up life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies that’s why it’s suggested to work a program. Maybe try going to a meeting and getting a sponsor and working the steps? I don’t know why you necessarily feel worthless but could it possibly be because of the destruction your alcoholism has caused? That is your alcoholism that did that, not you.
Keep on pushing ODAAT. Of course you should be here, you certainly are not worthless. Have you considered volunteering? It’s a wonderful way to contribute and it feels good. Congrats on 278.
Hey there,
I’ll join the choir: you are not worthless! It’s not based on what you have or haven’t done, achievement or your failures. You’re a human and every human is valuable!
I’m not a professional but it sounds like you have suicidal ideation. It means your brain and thinking are out of whack. I needed therapy, meds, time and process to get out of my pit. I’d urge you to find professional help and to make a plan. Drinking won’t help you. You have a good sober streek. Maybe now would be a good time to address underlying issues?
Please hang in there. There are reasons to live even if things look meaningless now.
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I am still here 602 days sober. I dont want to discourage others but, while some things about life have gotten undeniably better…health, etc., I still cant control racing thoughts in my mind and periodically just dont want to live anymore. I am 61 and have wasted my whole life. I cant do anything right and am good at nothing. Oh well I can hold down a job, thats about it. Its hard to accept that this is it…this is all there is. Ive been lied to my whole life. I just want it all to stop. My chest is constantly heavy…it never lets up. Do something about it they tell me. I am trying but, as usual, can’t.
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I have thought about helping others to give me some purpose. I am in no shape to do it. I have to navigate this first. My daily functions are mentally so hard. Its all I can do to maintain and keep my job. Friends abd family tell me how great I am doing. They have no idea how hard this is for me. And it shouldnt be. I should be better by now. I dont even want to drink to fix it. I know that wont work. I just want it all to stop. The racing thoughts, the weaknesses, the failures, the reality. I just will keep trying but the desire to stop is strong. The current environment in our country isnt helping.
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I’m sorry to read your struggling so bad, despite your sobriety (congratulations on that, by the way! Way to go!)
Seems to me you are going through a serious depression, have you tried getting professional help? Sometimes we can’t do it alone, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
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I have found that the best way to feel better about myself is to help someone else. Maybe look to volunteer somewhere. If you aren’t into people, animal shelters are always needing help.
Regardless, no one is worthless. You might have a hard time seeing it, stuck inside your own head, but you matter to someone. There’s a big beautiful world out there and it’s only missing one thing: you.
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That actually is the same as drinking in a lot of ways.
“I want it to stop” = “I want to not feel, not be here”: both of those things are about not being in life; they’re both about running away.
Running away, avoiding = addiction. The mentality’s the same, whether it’s about running away into booze or running away into something else.
It sounds to me like you may have gotten dry but you haven’t gotten your feet on the ground yet. There’s underlying challenges that you haven’t dug into; you haven’t unpacked the reasons behind your addict mind, and you haven’t taken steps to replace that mind with a more constructive one (which is 100% doable, it takes recovery coaching and effort day by day but it is doable, for everyone, no matter what).
Just brainstorming here, but these are a few that come to my mind:
- Depression? I have that. (might be time to visit a doctor and get a referral to a psychiatrist for an assessment)
- ADHD? I have that too. The way it spins your mind upside down and the brain is like a room full of cats is difficult and often discouraging. I myself have felt like I’ve wasted decades. At the same time though, I am learning what I am learning now, and I am doing the work I need to do, which is having an impact for me and others; I wouldn’t be where I am now, with the insights I have, if I hadn’t been on this journey.
- other mental conditions - there are dozens - and visiting a doctor / psychiatrist / psychologist will help
- revisit your recovery program; even something as simple as making coffee is a meaningful service
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. You have the power to get what you need and rediscover your purposes for being here. They’re veiled right now behind the curtain of your unresolved issues, but they are still there, and when you address those issues you will see them.
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Have you seen a doctor for depression?
You’re not worthless. I understand depression sucks. I find self improvement to help me stay sober and have a better outlook. Can recommend some great books to help if you would like. Also very brave being able to share how you are feeling here that doesn’t sound worthless to me that sounds strong and brave!