New to talking sober and first time I’m really talking about my journey and relationship with alcohol. As I write I’m not sure where to begin. I’ve always been a bridge drinker. From 17 to 30, most of my weekends consisted of black outs, trying to figure out the steps of the night before, and feeling sick on my days off. “But, I’m young!” I’d tell myself, “Thats what weekends and my youth are for!” trying to convince myself I dont have a problem. However, for the last year I’ve been drinking more than usual, weekdays included. Drinking never really effected work, but the day after last memorial day I woke up 3 am after a holiday full of mixing drinks and went to work so hung over I thought I’d either fall over from dehydration or that someone would smell the day before all over my breath and the smell of alcohol that I felt was seeping from my skin. I can also recall a night I came home from work, hubby on nightshift and I started talking shots of liquor, for no obvious reason, thinking I’ll just get to bed and go to work tomorrow with no effects. After no sleep at all I convinced myself and my husband that I just couldn’t sleep and called out of work. I felt pathetic and started slowly realizing that this could be a problem. Yet I continued to do my usual drinking. I also found myself at an indoor water park with family, drinking as usual and got so ridiculously drunk that all I can remember is my husband getting me in the shower in the evening, him trying to hold my crying, flaccid body from the shower to the toilet to dress me and to the bed. Think that would spark another thought of a problem? No. Fast forward to now, I decided to do dry January. And it worked fabulously until day 24. I thought I am not an alcoholic, I can do this. If I do this I cant be an alcoholic. Those 24 days were great. I slept better, felt better, exercised, but everyday I thought of alcohol. Its like an annoying fruit fly that wont get out of your face. Problem is my birthday is in January and I thought eh, 24 days is good enough and sipped a glass of wine that turned into a bottle, not surprising. Again, I felt the guilt and felt crappy and didnt sleep, a revolving door that wont stop. My problem now… I feel silly even typing it, but I have a girls night planned in a week, a family party in 2, a wedding in a month and all I can think is how will I have fun without a drink? Maybe if I just have one drink I’ll be okay, but it never is just one. Can I stop for the sake of my health, mental and physical? Hopefully here I can seek some help and guidance.
Hey there, I’m a fellow binge drinker. All I can do is tell you what worked for me, like you I tried doing sober on my own and failed so many times along the way, I had to throw myself into alcohol recovery services, CBT, smart meetings and AA, I had to make changes to my lifestyle and routines alot had to change before my habits change.
Possibility is seeking the help, even starting with a doctor they can normally point you in the right direction, be as honest with them as you have been here. Keep reaching out and take the help
I will ask a counter question, how will you have fun with a drink? If you know it’s never just one, then you know how it ends up. You have written about how horrible drinking makes you feel. And the way it makes you behave. That is not fun!
Re upcoming social events… For your girls night, speak to your girls. Tell them you need to be sober right now and ask if you could do something different, maybe hit a spa in the day time. If they just want to hit bars it’s ok to take a raincheck!
It’s ok not to go to family parties and weddings too if you want to be sober and you think going will risk that. Or you can just leave early. It will get easier to be around these things in time but you don’t have to make it harder for yourself than it needs to be.
I’m 30 and I’ve been sober nearly 9 months. My social life has changed but I’m good with that. I am fitter, healthier, and finally starting to work on some of my mental health issues I always used to try and drink away.
There’s a book called This Naked Mind (also and audiobook and a podcast) which I would recommend. Also read here, lots, use the search bar and reach out when you need to.
This thread is a really good place to start, if you haven’t found it yet:
Your story sounds so familiar. My stop date is 21.2.18 I was also going to do dry Jan 2018 but had things events, mini break, shit day to drink for. I realised I liked to drink for events, good times bad times, well he’ll I just wanted to drink. I read 'The unexpected joy of being sober 'Downloaded this app and 3 others. Joined club soda on Facebook, it was a game changer and I haven’t touched a drop since. My life is drastically better. My relationships are better. I changed jobs after 17 years, my skin is better, my depression has gone. I could keep going… I hope you find the tools to help you stop as it’s not easy but it is worth it.
There were a few events I had when I got sober that I couldn’t imagine not drinking for. It’s a change but you can do it! Each time you do, you build stronger sober muscles. I literally practiced saying no. On a really bad day, I reached out here to my sober network and that helped a lot. Now, I can’t imagine ever drinking at the type of events I used to worry about! I’m present, I’m always able to handle any situation thrown at me because I’m not drinking, I never have to worry about what happened the night before because I drank too much and don’t remember, no wasted time on hangovers. I mean, it’s actually way more awesome now than I had expected because in the beginning I felt much how you do. But I did it and I love it now!
Talk to your people now, start building your sobriety plan. When I quit drinking, I decided for myself that alcohol had no place at all in my life anymore and I meant it when that’s what I told people. I could literally not think of ONE good reason to pick up that drink when I was REALLY being honest with myself. It killed my dad and aunt, but somehow I still managed to lose control of it so I had to make a decision. Follow in their footsteps or really LIVE my life sober and be present. I chose being present and 10 months later, I can’t thank myself enough! 
Glad you are here!
Thank you for your responses. It really is refreshing to read about people who understand what your going through. You find some people who support you and who dont and I choose to be around and confide in those who will support me. Doing it by myself isnt hasnt been successful either. I have just purchased and began reading the Unexpected joy of being sober and I can not put it down (thank you for the recommendation!). It’s so relatable and fun to read how good life can be without alcohol. Siand, you brought up a great point, I do know how its going to end up, so what the hell am i doing having that drink anyway. What’s the point… my sobriety plan is in the works. I’m going to take it day by day. Thank you all again for your encouragement.
Love that your thinking ahead and making plans. I could not go go to any gatherings that served alcohol for quite a few months. Even restaurants. But when i decided I was ready to go i had an exit plan, phone numbers from the ladies in AA, and a sober buddy. That first one was the hardest. But it felt amazing to wake up with no hangover. Keep adding up days it gets easier.