I’ve noticed that I get really had anxiety right before I have an urge to relapse. Does this happen to anyone else? The anxiety isn’t about the urge or anything it’s just all of the sudden, usually makes me remember some mistake I made in the past and feel bad about it, but then I realize once I have the urge I’m not anxious about what I thought I was at all. CONFUSING I know lol.
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It’s all just the addiction playing games with your head.
You can beat by just ignoring it.
Any thoughts or emotions or feelings are not real.
What is real is your reaction to them.
You don’t have to act on them.
You can say no.
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Thank you! You’re right. It’s crazy how strong feelings do feel, even when they are just empty anxiety. 
If it’s any help maybe see a doc about meds. I’m on a low dose SSRI just to help keep the anxiety away.
Hhhmn.
If my anxiety is a slow burn type, I tend to wallow and then tiptoe down the depression road (occasionally I’ll take a loooong nap on the road).
If it’s a quick and urgent flight or fight, crazy, unable to breathe attack, then I really think of drinking, to unconsciousness. Luckily, my therapist has given me some techniques.
When I’m in the latter state, I can’t just brush the thoughts away. They come back at me harder and louder. I have to force myself to acknowledge the thought, like a monty python-style conversation with myself.
ME: OK alcoholic voice (who shall be named Derek from this point on), come in, lets chat, don’t close the door. I can spare a minute. What’s up?
DEREK: You need a drink! NOW.
ME: Why?
DEREK: You need a drink NOW!!
ME: This isn’t a chat, seriously, why do you think I need a drink?
DEREK: Coz you’re scared.
ME: So how would drinking help?
DEREK: It would stop you feeling anything.
ME: I now realize I’m scared, and I have things in my sobriety toolkit that will help me through this phase. Thank you so much for helping me understand.
DEREK: Uhhhmmn… you’re welcome.
He leaves.
The end. But stay ready for the sequel. 
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Happens to me all the time. Now that I’ve been sober for longer stretches I’m more conscious of what it is: I feel an impulse to numb or self-soothe with something - it used to be my addiction; now I find it’s more with Netflix (bingeing) or sweets - but whatever it is it’s some reflex urge to numb my feelings or silence my mind.
Now that I’m more aware of it as it’s happening, now that I’ve got more sober awareness, I work to interrupt it. I journal sometimes about it. Sometimes I interrupt it by vocalizing it to my wife, we talk it out, I use emotion labelling language. I do an “I feel” inventory then an “I need” inventory:
https://www.cnvc.org/training/resource/feelings-inventory
https://www.cnvc.org/training/resource/needs-inventory
That helps me unpack what’s behind my worry.
(I often find my anxiety is related to some cognitive distortion - some habitual thought about what I need to do or be. “I should’ve done all these things today.” But why? Like what would that list of things have accomplished?)
Take some time to unpack the circumstances surrounding your emotions, in the moment they happen, when they’re fresh. You’ll notice patterns.
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