Self blame

Emotional Support
1

I’m having some real bad issues with self blame. Especially when it comes to my kids. I have 3kids, 2 with one woman and 1 with another.
My 2 youngest are 7 am 8. I haven’t seen them outside their mothers in years. I’m allowed a couple hours whenever she says it’s ok. Usually a every other month. It kills me.
I understand I made mistakes, I’m an alcoholic, mistakes come with it as we all know. I was with their mom for 2 years. We had my 8 year old and her dad wanted to rush us into marraige, me to become Catholic and get baptised, and go meet a priest. All was overwhelming. I drank ALL the time.
I’m not proud of my actions. I regret all.
About 6 months ago, when I was at their house, I sat down with her and her fiance. I apologized, i said that I was wrong, and that I truly regret my drinking and everything that happened. Their response, was literally them laughing in my face. What else can I do? I’ve tried proven myself. I’ve tried apologizing. It’s so about money with her. I call them every big and no I answers or return my voicemails. Court won’t do anything because I owe child support. I send payments when I can, I’m currently out of work with seizure disorder and other health issues. Any idea how to help cope would be amazing

The story with my 14 year old is, she never wants to see me. Her mother and I have repaired our relationship to the point of being civil and talking and communications.
I feel I missed so many years of my daughters life that it’s too late to build the father daughter connection. I feel I did too much damage and wasn’t s father for years.
Should sit down and try to talk about me with my 14 year old? Or is she still to young?
I do not know what to do. I’m on the edge. Trying to take it one day at a time…its getting difficult.

2

Sorry to hear it’s a rough post recovery phase.

I don’t think your kids are ever to young to hear you love them, and you made a lot of mistakes. 14 y/o girls are very emotional no offense women, but they are. It might take a few years for her to really accept anything you have to say. I would make every attempt to make amends with her. She may not be receptive right now, but someday she may understand. I would send birthday cards and try to attend every major event in her life even if your not welcomed there, just see the main event and leave. You can only prove yourself by your future actions.

As for your younger ones, same thing applies. Fatherhood goes a lot further than just being biological. Kids need stuff, lots of stuff. I haven’t seen any of my kids besides FaceTime and pictures in almost two years. I do send 66% of my pay to them. I live a modest life, but I don’t want them to suffer in poverty like I did as a kid.

My only advice would be to only apologize for the past once and move on. Don’t try to explain it, don’t try and make excuses. There is no excuse in many people’s minds that have written us off.

This probably didn’t help a whole lot, but many people find themselves in this position once they take control of their addiction. You by no means are the only one. I even ask my self sometimes, Are they better if I stay away? I do come to the conclusion they need a father. I will keep the communication open, and be there in any way I can if they ever need me.

Best of luck! You can only do what you can. If their not willing to at least hear you out, there is nothing you can do. Just give it time and try.

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