I’m having some real bad issues with self blame. Especially when it comes to my kids. I have 3kids, 2 with one woman and 1 with another.
My 2 youngest are 7 am 8. I haven’t seen them outside their mothers in years. I’m allowed a couple hours whenever she says it’s ok. Usually a every other month. It kills me.
I understand I made mistakes, I’m an alcoholic, mistakes come with it as we all know. I was with their mom for 2 years. We had my 8 year old and her dad wanted to rush us into marraige, me to become Catholic and get baptised, and go meet a priest. All was overwhelming. I drank ALL the time.
I’m not proud of my actions. I regret all.
About 6 months ago, when I was at their house, I sat down with her and her fiance. I apologized, i said that I was wrong, and that I truly regret my drinking and everything that happened. Their response, was literally them laughing in my face. What else can I do? I’ve tried proven myself. I’ve tried apologizing. It’s so about money with her. I call them every big and no I answers or return my voicemails. Court won’t do anything because I owe child support. I send payments when I can, I’m currently out of work with seizure disorder and other health issues. Any idea how to help cope would be amazing
The story with my 14 year old is, she never wants to see me. Her mother and I have repaired our relationship to the point of being civil and talking and communications.
I feel I missed so many years of my daughters life that it’s too late to build the father daughter connection. I feel I did too much damage and wasn’t s father for years.
Should sit down and try to talk about me with my 14 year old? Or is she still to young?
I do not know what to do. I’m on the edge. Trying to take it one day at a time…its getting difficult.