I’m going on two weeks AF. In the past I’ve used weight loss challenges to stop drinking for a set period of time…21 day challenge…4 week challenge etc.
I didn’t necessarily do that this time but I did couple my abstaining with committing to exercise 4-5 times a week with the 12/3/30 (treadmill 12 incline, 3 speed, 30 mins) program and drinking a gallon of water a day. Of course eating clean and healthy as well. I started feeling great last week and this weekend did indulge in some movie popcorn and my husband’s great cooking yesterday which was carb loaded but for the most part was on track all week.
Like many things I obsess over my weight and tie it to my self esteem and self worth. It’s been a prove problem for years. I’ve been working with my amazing therapist for over a year and recently the last few months have finally put the scale up in the closet so I’m not checking it first thing every morning and obsessing about it.
Well after last week I was curious and brought out the damn scale and it hasn’t moved since the last time I weighed in several weeks ago. (I pull it out time to time but definitely not daily) and now I just find myself so discouraged. I’m thinking, was it the cheat meals? Did I not work out enough? Not enough sleep? Getting older? I usually will drop a couple couple pounds at least just implementing the gallon of water back into my routine, but NOTHING.
I’ve been able through healthy eating and exercise to lose 35 lbs in the past and maintained for 3 years until my accountability group dismantled. It’s hard for me to self motivate. I gained back a good 20 lbs and can knock 10 off with a rigorous plan like starting with a juice cleanse or something like that but it takes a toll on me emotionally and with work and family right note I just can’t do that. So I’be been trying subtle changes like the water and light cardio for 30 minutes so I don’t feel like it’s too much and I just quit. But now I’m super frustrated and a little discouraged that if I don’t do something more rigorous I’ll never move the needle. I don’t like being overweight, it really bothers me.
After this escapade this morning that little Devil on my shoulder is saying, “ well see, a glass of wine at your work dinner tonight won’t make a difference” and all these counter productive thoughts. Which is why I’m sitting my ass down and taking the time to type this out and at least get it out so I can process the fact that alcohol won’t help a damn thing and only make it worse.
I’m working on loving myself as is but it’s extremely hard. I have great days and bad days and today I am starting off in that low place and going to work on turning that around.
Thanks for listening.
LuLu
