I have hit so many rock bottoms, will stop drinking for a month or 2 then it starts back up with 1 beer, 1 glass of wine. I tell myself it’s not hard liquor, so I’ll be ok. I can moderate it. Then 2 weeks later I’m drunk on a Monday night texting nasty to a friend, family member…whoever is in my path. I’ve ruined so many friendships/relationships. I truly hate myself. I hate who I am. Night time & weekends are hardest. I’m so alone and can’t stand to be in my own thoughts. I’m getting nothing done, my chores, tasks, I’ve been in my new home for 3 months and still haven’t finished unpacking. Why can’t I be normal? I’m so insecure, I don’t trust anyone due to childhood trauma. Every guy who is nice to me ends up thinking I’m a psycho. I get drunk and tell them to F off. It’s like I feel I don’t deserve love. I know I need therapy. I’m finally feeling like this is it. I want sobriety. I want to be present for my mom & my animals. For myself. I miss doing my crafts and being outdoors. I’m tired of hating myself. Grateful for this app. Sorry for the rant.
I just joined i have 2 days i feel the rant.
Welcome to Talking Sober Kitty! And thanks for the rant, this is a safe and a great place for it. Your story sounds familiar, I started therapy for childhood trauma and its consequences after I got sober (nu use doing therapy when drunk of course) and it helped me so much. It’s a big part of my recovery. We used alcohol to numb and to cope but neither really works right?
Another big part of my recovery is learning that I can’t do this alone. We need each other. The opposite of addiction is connection, and I found so much connection here. So I’m very g;lad you’re here friend. The more the stronger we are. Hope to see more of you, posting, sharing, ranting when needed, supporting and getting support. You’re not alone. Take your time to read and learn. Wishing you all success in your journey. Big hugs.
Thank you 
Welcome to the forum.
I’m going to say you are normal. Your story sounds familiar to me and others so you are amongst people who have things in common with you.
The lesson here is that you can’t moderate your drinking. 1 glass is never just that. Having just one is opening the door to many more. The positive way of looking at that could be that you just need to not have that 1 drink. Just for this day, you don’t have that 1 drink. You come back again tomorrow and repeat that process.
Thanks for sharing. Not ranting… venting. And you’re in a good, safe space to do so without any judgement here. With my vices I did the same thing trying to hide from myself and my problems, wanting to be completely numb as to not feel and process the feelings and emotions.pertaining to life. You are not alone in this. Keep showing up and venting along the way of your recovery