Self sex is safer

So I am 5 years 8 months sober off cocaine and alcohol. Super excited about life. Been through some tough stuff but nothing has me considering relapse. I mean I absolutely love the sober life. I have been completely sold on the ideas contained in the Big Book.
With that being said I have this insane sex addiction. I live in a lot of fantasy because indoor have time to live it out but at any given moment I am obsessed with sex. I have a live in girl freind and a guy that I am doing regularly and that was sufficient for a long time but in the last year I have met with random people for sex. Masturbate in public. Call in sick to meet up with strangers. I have a pretty extensive collection of toys and thought it may help but this has been hardest year of my sobriety. I fear that all of the diseases I was spared while using may become a reality in sobriety. My girlfriend pleads and cries for me to become c9mmitted to her and I refuse because i know I will just end up cheating. This seems to be somethinf men talk about alot but am I the only woman that deals with this.

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Hey Stephanie, you are not alone. There are women who go to some of the SA meetings in my area. I can tell you, trying to limit yourself to sex with self probably won’t help for very long because of the progressively addictive and destructive nature of sex addiction. I know SAA also has meetings in my area and there is a stronger female presence there, but I haven’t been to those meetings.

There was a thread active yesterday where @A_Renee and @moges were posting about love addiction. You may find some commonalities with them.

Please seek help outside this forum though. This is a great tool, but it probably won’t be enough. Sex with strangers is very dangerous, I know, because I’ve been there. I too was scheduling my life around acting out and tried to set rules so I could “control and enjoy” my addiction. But that’s a trap. I’ll be praying for you. There is hope to be had.

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I agree mike !! Stephanie you need to get in a group ASAP !! This sex addiction is the hardest for me to beat I know I couldn’t do it without a good support group!! GOOD LUCK !!!

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i go to women’s only SLAA meetings and they’re incredible. If you like 12 step it works for sex addiction as well. and having the support of other women is necessary if you want to have relief from this addiction. it’s an intimacy and self esteem disorder— you’re trying to (literally) fill the hole inside you. it IS progressive and can eventually kill you, either thru risky behaviors or suicide due to depression and shame. there are many like you. please don’t be scared to find a group to support you and start the steps. it is agonizing work but “worth it”

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Thank you Moges, I live in Los Angeles so there are a lot of 12step programs available. I think that I have this self induced shame that I shouldn’t be this way. I was raised better than this and it feels like people are cruel when it comes to a women having issues in the sex area. I will make a couple out reach calls and see what happens.

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LA has tons of women’s only SLAA meetings. You can look online and just show up and join as a newcomer. i’ve been to a few bc i travel there a lot for work. very supportive. PM me if you’d like private recs for specific meetings.

I recommend women’s only as you start your sobriety bc, well… i just do :slight_smile:

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