My name is Abraham. I’ve been lucky enough to marry my high school sweetheart and best friend. We have been together 8 years and for 8 years I have hurt her with my sex addiction. Bless her heart and endless patience she has stayed with me for the kids because we have still managed to create a happy comfortable environment for them in spite of our issues. I have pressured her timelessly, have made her feel guilt and responsible for my libido, and over the years I’ve tried to stop but I’ve recently just tried not thinking about anything sexual for an hour and then tried for a few hours and realized how MUCH I truly think about sexual things. It’s most of my time. My marriage needs me to get in control. I need it for my wife, my kids, and myself, to be in control of my cravings.
Hey Abraham — thank you for sharing this so honestly. A lot of what you wrote resonates with many of us here, especially that feeling of your thoughts being dominated by sexual urges and wanting to regain control for your family and yourself.
I don’t know if you’re already aware of them, but I wanted to share something that helped me a great deal. Programs like SA (Sexaholics Anonymous), SAA, or SLAA gave me support I couldn’t find through willpower alone. Any of them can help, but based on what you shared about your marriage and values, SA may be especially aligned for you.
I’ll also add — just my experience — that in-person meetings were incredibly important for me at the beginning. With something as intimate and isolating as sexual behavior, being in the same room with people who truly understood made it easier to build trust and feel less alone. Online meetings can absolutely be helpful (especially later on or when in-person isn’t available), but starting face-to-face made a real difference for me.
I also learned about CSATs (Certified Sex Addiction Therapists), which can be very helpful alongside meetings, particularly when marriage and family are involved.
Just sharing what helped me — take or leave anything that fits. You’re not alone in this, and the fact that you’re reaching out already says a lot about your commitment to change.