Sex in recovery

What are some of your experiences with this?

None yet! Haha
In the past 6 years I have only had sex drunk. If someone tried to initiate sex when I was sober or hungover I always felt too awkward or weird.
If I went on a date I got a bit drunk beforehand and then totally wasted during the date. If my date didn’t drink I lost interest immediately. Most of the time I was having sex so drunk I could barely remember anything the next day.
Sooo … I guess that was bad. Now I’m really nervous to have sex for the first time sober, it really feels like I’ll be losing my virginity again. Haha. Oh man :smiley: I can’t even imagine it. It will have to be with someone I really trust.

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I can completely relate lol it’s definitely like starting over for me.

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Take your time … Trust me

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I do remember thinking it would be harder sober after getting used to using alcohol but I believe it’s a lot better especially morning sex.

Hungover, morning sex is one of the bad experiences I think back on in order to remind myself how crappy drinking was. You have a wonderful partner available right where you want them. Many people would be grateful for that wouldn’t they? However your brain is only partly there, some of your body parts are numb from the throbbing in your head and your bladder is killing you. That is not sexy.

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Keep in mind, as your body heals, you will become more fertile! I ended up pregnant after getting sober. The drugs and alcohol I was on before must have suppressed my fertility while using, and because I had never gotten prego while being caressless with protection before, I thought the pull out method was sufficient lol. It wasn’t.

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At first it seemed really weird, the longer I’ve been sober the better the sex…just my experience

Depending on the situation I can see it being a healthy thing. It’s a great way to burn stress and re amp on the other side, it can cause unwanted complications so cautious decision making is always the best route. I personally am all for it.

That’s funny fishy i got exactly the same ā€œproblemā€ planing to have 1 year no drinks drugs and sex and then i will see how it will be soeber. Hope it will still happen then :grin:

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Sober sex is the best!

Well this hits a nervous point for me. After 23 years of marriage (last 3 we have been separated). I have only been with my ex so as we prepare for divorce I have thought about it but I sure don’t have the answers. It’s been way to long but I am a male so I do have the desire. I’ve been told no relationship for a year and that leaves one night stands. I don’t want to take advantage of someone so I’m lost too.

Wow that felt good to let out.

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Sex?..Does that still exist?..I thought they stopped making that stuff years ago…:joy::sob::joy::sob:

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Codependency is a mother fucker for sure. 2 sober drunks ? Careful now…

This topic has been on my mind lately and I frankly have not had the guts to bring it up.

deep breath

For those of us who have experienced trauma (read: me), it’s a little terrifying. My walls are back up. My husband puts his arm around me to cuddle at night and I get a small jolt of fear just because it’s a response to an unexpected touch. I’m having trouble relaxing and I keep making up excuses. I won’t get super into detail…but it’s really annoying and I really don’t know how to fix it.

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For me being open and honest with my man was the key. He then understood where I was coming from and was patient and gentle with me. He gave me time and never expected anything if I was not ready or nervous. :wink:

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Same here. It’s hard to imagine how I will be comfortable with anyone touching me sober.
When I was having sex drunk I wasn’t even really aware, most of the time I just wasn’t really there and I usually felt disgusted afterwards if I remembered it at all.
When I imagine doing it sober I cringe. I started to avoid my regular sex partners as I’m not ready to deal with this issue yet. I’m going to therapy now, so I hope this problem will be solved some day. But I feel like it’s going to demand a lot of work on my future partner’s part as well and that makes me feel embarrassed and uncomfortable, like I was always ā€˜a wild promiscuous lover’ (= absolutely drunk + great acting skills + great at dissociation) and now I’ll have to be truly me and face who I really am and how I really feel about sex. Yikes.

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ā€œSex is natural Sex is fun. Sex is best when it’s one on oneā€ā€¦ I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist the late great George Michael song reference. Also the song that helped me lose my virginity… lol.

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I love sober sex! It’s more intimate, exciting and it feels better. My husband probably liked me drunk during sex in our early years bahahaha. Over time my drinking got worse and I’d be passed out by sexy time. Since i started recovery we have that special pep in our step much more often;) :wink:

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Hubby and I recently had our first sober sex in a very long time and it was great! I was present and not thinking about whether we had beer or if I needed to sneak off to the store! Drunk sex was always fun but I just wasn’t there, you know?

I would recommend being cautious in new relationships and not rushing anything. We all need time to heal after spending so much time poisoning ourselves :blue_heart:

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