Hey @Decided, thanks for sharing your pain with us on this thread. I know of lots of people that are devostated when they find out their partner is acting out sexually. Hope things are going well for you and your relationship. Take care and stay strong in your recovery. You’ll get through this. 
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It’s been s lot of work for both of us but right now, things are good! Thanks for checking in 
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I relapsed 
back to
Don’t give up @Raito_Kami. Just dust yourself off, get back up, and keep going. You got this!
Yah…thats going to happen, it’s all in how you deal with it. Being honest with yourself and whoever you have a commitment to, understanding what went wrong, putting in place a clear plan of action if your triggered this way again etc. Are you open to sharing more about your struggle and recovery plans?
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Thanks I will try again and never give up also do you have any tips
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I’ve thought about starting to a similar journey. I don’t feel I have a problem with porn nor masturbation, but after researching the benefits of “no fap”, I see how it can be very beneficial to productivity and overall well being. Very interesting thread.
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Hey @Raito_Kami. Nice to hear back from you. Sooooo, you want some tips, eh?
Well, for me, staying plugged into this community goes a long way. Checking in every day, sharing what I’ve been doing with myself throughout the week, sharing my experiences with others, offering words of encouragement to others here. We make friends here. And that takes a little investment, but the friendship and support that I draw from here is huge.
We want to get to know you. Tell us about yourself. Share with us, what’s been going well with you, and share what you’re falling short in. We don’t want to know you as @Raito_Kami, the addict. We want to know you as @Raito_Kami, our friend.
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My BF is at almost 3 months and the difference in everything from his confidence to motivation has changed drastically. His mood has improved as well but it’s crazy how much more driven he is on a day to day basis. I use to have to drag him through life and now he’s just over all very driven and positive. It’s worth a try for sure! Curious as to how it affects you.
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I’m doing well my first day is going well got a little erge but I’m going to go on this app everyday to stay away from PMO
Right on @Raito_Kami. You got this!
Doing all right 4 pm right now my first day will start soon then the second
Been up talking to friends trying to stay active and stead of being bored
I’m curious, as an outsider to this area, what do you all think of the idea of being “sex positive”? Can it go too far, this self-policing over fantasies and masturbation? I can see how porn can have down sides, as an industry and a genre and as a way to spend time. But I wonder if it’s possibly self destructive for some people, to treat masturbation as “bad”. What about just being more self accepting?
I relapsed yesterday because I watched porn I did not masterbait
To answer your question, for some people masturbation or even something as simple as a Walmart catalogue is like trying to have “just one drink” then waking up feeling hung over and ashamed of yourself for having no self control over something “everyone can do normally”. Sound familiar at all? Lol
I think you have to look at it as you would any other addiction. In itself it isn’t an issue, but when it interferes with your ability to connect with other people, function at work, stay out of trouble with the law, stay faithful, stay safe etc, it’s a problem.
For my BF the masturbation was draining him. It’s not something he could do or not do, it was something he felt he HAD to do from when he was a kid. When you masturbate excessively you have to keep upping the stimulus to get the release…that’s where porn and risky behaviour tend to creep in. Before you know it you are stuck in a loop that you use to regulate your emotions and you can’t seem to stop. Just like drinking or drugs.
If someone is trying to stop masturbating it’s not always because it’s “bad” like from a religious stand point. Most of the guys I know who deal with this want to stop for the same reason I had to stop drinking: you can’t just stop when you want and it’s taking over your life in a negative way. It’s starting to have consequences.
I’m very open sexually and this addiction led my BF to some seriously dangerous places, it took a while , and a lot of seeking out and exchanging with other guys ( in this forum and others) who struggle with this, for me to understand and accept it as a legitimate addiction just like mine.
Another example of how something usually considered healthy like masturbation, can have a negative effect when abused is that my BF couldn’t orgasm unless he masturbated, until he stopped mastuebating for a while. He’s 40 and only now does he know that he’s not broken just needed some rewiering…
One of his most trusted stress relievers was actually causing him performance anxiety and keeping him from choosing sex with his girlfriend over counterfeit sex where he didn’t have to risk vulnerability.
Because he used masturbation as a stress regulator all the time he started watching porn like most people watch YouTube videos, constantly building a “spank bank” of mental images, even if he was with a real person he was desensitized and had to go through a mental Rolodex of images to finish…by himself.
It’s taken me 6months to get to this level of understanding and I still don’t always get it lol but I definitely know now, that it’s a problem for a lot of people, that they don’t talk about it because it’s still taboo and that makes them very depressed and anxious because they feel like horrible, sick people.
They have withdrawal symptoms just like people who drink or take drugs, they struggle not to relapse through "sexual acting out " when they are faced with stress or discomfort just like most other addicts etc etc etc.
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Wow @Decided, you are on fire today! For someone who is not a PA, and for someone who has been negatively impacted by a loved one, you have developed a lot of insight about our condition. Everything you shared was spot on. Yes, I take what is healthy, and I twist it into something that is addictive, unloving, and destructive. And you are right about the withdrawal symptoms. They are very real. Thanks for sharing. I feel so validated.
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Hey @Raito_Kami. Keeping at this. Don’t give up. We’re behind you. You’ll do better next time. You got this!
I’m am Ratio _ kami Just made a new account I’m now on Day 9 And I don’t have anymore urges Not anything I’ve been okay it’s been a week and 2 days gonna hit the double digits soon
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Thanks for sharing @StayFocused. Welcome. This is a good community. Congrats on the 9 days. You can do this!