Hello. Sex addict here. Looking to speak with others who have been fighting the urge on the daily. I feel no matter what I sexulize everything and everyone. My kind is a wondering movie that goes down some deep rabbit holes even without the aid of porn or random sex. I have a fiance that has been amazing but I feel that I’ve hurt her too much for her to ever get over. Anyone with the same feelimgs?
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Hi Richard, welcome! I have been doing counseling and a recovery group at a sex addiction recovery clinic in my city for almost 2 years now. Best decision I ever made. Including the decision to marry my wife - because it’s kept me married.
Sex addiction is (like you describe) a “rabbit hole”. It’s an endless run to… what? Who knows. But it’s empty, and it leaves us hollow.
There is an active recovery community fir sex addiction. There is SA, SLAA, and other groups - there’s a good list here of free groups you can join to get recovery support:
There’s also the books by Patrick Carnes on the subject (they’re meant to be worked through with a counsellor but are useful for reference and information even if you aren’t currently in counseling):
https://www.drpatrickcarnes.com/books-videos
Good for you for reaching out. That takes courage. Keep searching, join groups, find what you need - and you’ll find your path.
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Thank you very much. This links are helpful. I’ll definitely look into them
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@Dagodon welcome to the forums!
As Matt says there are several of us here working on recovery from sexual addiction. While it’s not easy it’s worth the effort it takes.
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Thanks for messaging me… yes I am a sex addict , have been my whole life . I would like to share my story on here. just not sure how to post a message ?
I have been married for 24 years to my high school sweetheart. We have 2 beautiful boys together, and our marriage was wonderful until I managed to ruin that with my addictions. I have been a sex addict for my whole life but didn’t even realize I was. My beautiful wife has suffered with my addictions for over 17 years. I am the luckiest man alive because she actually stayed with me and now is still with me trying to help me , when she needs to help herself due to my final episode when it finally happened and I had a affair in April this year. ( with a man )… I love women and the man thing I will explain later . This is a long story that is very twisted and I would like to tell it on here , but first I need to know if their is others in the same or similar situations … please respond .
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There are others here in similar situations.
I will caution you that the public threads here - including this thread - are public, and can be read by anyone online, without any need to log in (they are all viewable at www.TalkingSober.com). If you want to talk about something that you’d rather keep private, it is best to do it in a private message. You can send private messages by tapping the envelope button (under your profile pic) twice, which will take you to your message centre.
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How do you deal with everyday thoughts of being a sex addict ??.. are you in a relationship ?.. did you have a wife before ?.. I thought at one time I was alone with my illness … but that is definitely not the case … I wish I had tried to fix myself years ago instead of ruining my marriage …
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I have a wife now. We have been married 16 years. We got married before I realized I had an addiction. I have actively communicated with her throughout my journey. I have consulted with my counsellor and my addiction recovery group before speaking with my wife about my behaviours which were hurtful to her (disclosing or discussing those behaviours without consulting with your recovery group or specialist first is unwise, because the disclosure may cause harms that are not helpful and not necessary).
I have kept my wife apprised of what I am doing: visiting my counsellor, attending my recovery meetings. I do not discuss the details of discussions with the counsellor or in the meetings - those details are private - but she is aware of the general purpose of my visits.
There is certainly help for you. There are many sex addiction recovery meetings worldwide. Visit the website www.SA.org for one program that has many meetings, both in person and online, around the world. There are other sex addiction recovery programs too - there is a list of them here:
I dont personally have a sex addiction. But ive been addicted to just about everything else… and even though theyre different addiction the roots and problems and habits are all still very similar and often hurt the people we love. Even though it can be hard, have tried having an open discussion with her on if she feels comfortable supporting you through your journey into sobriety and healing your addiction. She might not be. But if you want to make the relationship work, its important to know what her boundaries are. Remember, our partners should be there for us, but theyre not your therapist. It can be helpful to open a dialog on what shes comfortable with and what may be better addressed with a therapist or trusted friend (that you are not physically attracted to, or is of the opposite gender of your preferances). But dont ever forget that you gave an entire community of people here to support you, even if we dont understand your situation directly were all connected as one big support system for anyone struggling through their vices. Youre here. Thats a start. Dont give up on yourself! 
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Yes for sure group sessions would be great . I live in Canada and there isn’t many groups near me unless I travel to Toronto. I wanted to go to rehab and I am covered for all substance abuse , but not sexual addiction as it seems to not be a common occurrence with most people. I do have workbooks from Patrick Carne , who has done years of research with substance abuse and sex criminals, he wrote several books ( Into the shadows , out of the shadows ), and I have been reading and working off of those books so far. It’s been challenging, but luckily my wife has been very supportive and encouraging. And I’m so lucky I still have her after all the bullshit I have caused over 23 years of marriage. All stories have a common ground, no matter what your illness is when you’re addicted. I’m upset it took me till now to seek help and face my illness. So much damage I have caused unnecessarily to my family and myself. I hope to someday be that man I should have always been. All my other addictions have stemmed from being a sex addict. September 1st, I will quit smoking weed (smoked for 42 years ) , and modify my alcohol intake as well and to only drink on weekends , not every day. So hopefully I can overtake my urges and overcome my dependence on weed, and start my recovery from sex addiction.