So my DOC was meth, specifically meth and sex together. Ultimately can’t think of meth without thinking of sex, it became so linked that for example seeing an image of a shard or pipe would stimulate me sexually… Not.great.really.
My question to anyone who has any significant clean time post meth and sex co-problems - after going clean, how long did it take you to feel ‘normal sexual desire’ if at all?
I’m now 40. I don’t think i’ve ever had much sober sex in my life at all (if i’m including weed and alcohol). After going clean I didn’t really feel sexual at all. I’m now almost at my 4 month mark going clean, and i’m beginning to get some of my sexual desire back, but it’s a problem as it’s quite honestly a massive trigger, the biggest one for me. I’m trying to mourn meth sex but my sub-conscious is having a hard time giving it up.
Hey Luckyreds never done meth or had meth sex i do want to say that you are awesome for trying to overcome this !! Just want to tell you to stay strong and whatever you need in order to overcome this will be given to you in time i wish you nothing but the best !!!
Hi Rich, stimulants and sex are very commonly linked. In sex addiction recovery, it’s very common to have a cocaine or meth addiction associated with it. (That wasn’t my case, but I know from my recovery group work that it is common.)
I would take comfort in knowing that meaningful sex is really about the relationship, not the light switch “desire” or the mechanical motions of sex. One of the lies our addiction sold us is that we need it to be sexual. (The other lie - and this is the same lie that feeds the Viagra monster - is that a man is an erection.) That’s not true. Sex is about intimacy and connection.
It takes time to learn this. For the moment, I would let go of any expectations of timelines. You will not be able to say “how long” it will take. I would focus instead on really trying to understand intimacy. Patrick Carnes has done some very good research and writing on this.
I would also reflect on the connection between your addictions. Which came first on your “relapse ladder”? I ask this because it’s very common for a drug to be the thing that brings people into treatment, when the behavioural addiction - sex as escape - is an equally significant element (and sometimes the key element). It may be worthwhile checking out a sex addiction recovery program in that case - and there’s no harm in dropping in on one to meet & greet:
For sure I had sexual behavioural problems long before I was into stimulants, but never really noticed I had a problem with either until I got into doing meth and having sex.
This forum has been really useful for helping me stay clean but feel discussing the sex side of things perhaps a little inappropriate for here. I appreciate the links, I will see if there’s a forum similar to this but based around the sex side of things.
I’ve added you to a private thread related to the topic. It is not visible to anyone other than participants in the thread - you can gather more info there.
Looks like it’s just porn related, or maybe the chemsex individuals just aren’t talking on there?
Otherwise, can anyone think of any chemsex related forums out there?. Couldn’t find any on the links you posted, just SA meetings and nofap which i’ve joined but also doesn’t seem that relevant to me.
The current voices on the thread are mainly porn/masturbation related, but previous members have been sex/love addicts. (And as you said, it is possible that people just aren’t talking about sex with others.) It comes and goes in waves.
If you are looking for a group of people who are recovering from chemsex addiction, I can’t think of one at the moment but given how prevalent I know stimulants are in addiction recovery I’m sure you can’t find one. If you do find one, share it with us - I’d love to add the resource to the list.
I will tell you this: a lot is going to change for you. Sex will never, ever be the same. It will be better. But I promise you, everything you think you know about sex is going to be upended. So keep an open mind, listen (wherever you are), and be prepared to put in the work and learn.
It’s gonna take time and effort and humility. Your sense of self will be challenged. Expect that.
I think the chemsex thing is still quite Taboo which is why there’s not much out there. I’ve searched for forums to no avail but will share if I find anything for sure.
And don’t get me wrong ive had plenty of intimacy with long term partners before but was kind of hoping to meld the sex and the intimacy together. Not sure that makes a lot of sense, it’s quite late here and I’m tired sorry
No, it makes sense. It’s pretty common in sex addiction: there’s a chasm between intimacy and sex. Recovery is where we integrate them. It takes time and a lot of effort to understand ourselves and our personal history and our sense of self. But with effort we can lead integrated lives.
I have a bit more to say but I’ll do it on the private thread.
Sex addiction takes many different forms and yah porn is less taboo than others but all sex addiction has a bad stigma to some extent. I’ve known a few guys that molested kids and at least one that has the urge but just hadn’t acted on it. They’re open about it because they want to get better. Many sex addicts have addictions to drugs too, so probably some chemsex involved.
Sex under influence is a totally different experience. I used to have very wild and weird sex experiences under influence, fetishes, etc. While i never felt ashamed of doing these things, i always thought it was weird that i didnt want to do these things or didnt even think about them when clean. Isnt it weird? I still dont understand about these desires and acts we do under influence. Maybe they are fetishes and desires we have buried so deep inside our brains that we are ashamed of. But then i was thinking, this could be also like the tolerance for a drug getting stronger and us needing more of it for the same high. The difference with sex is that we seek new and crazier experiences because “the regular stuff” isnt fun anymore.
Anyway, this also ruined sex for me for a while but after i got clean for longer periods i went back to enjoying sex with affection for partner. It is much more fun and fulfilling to have sex with someone you love or like instead of having pure physical sex with a bunch of people you dont even know.
I’ve been sober for almost 4 years and chair my local chapter of NA. This is actually a fairly regular topic. I think a huge part of it is our ages. First off, even in normal circumstances our libidos decrease a little around our 40s but for us we got so use to dope sex and that intensity it’s just as addictive as any other drug. Me and husband had to really work at it,even more so for him. Its seems to be more difficult for men. In my opinion its more of a behavior and association modification process. Do you have a significant other?
Yeah this is what i’ve been feeling like, albeit much less clean time than you. Appreciate the honesty.
Yeah I am just reaching my 40s now. I do have a significant other actually, and we’ve been together for a good while now too so that is a factor too (it’s by far the longest i’ve been with anyone) altho we are both still very much attracted to each other, we are definitely ‘comfortable’ in the sense there isn’t a ‘new partner excitement’.
We do have sex but just not anywhere near as often or as exciting as before. And yes we should work on it more, I just don’t have anywhere as much urge for it (but I do still have the urge for the extreme of meth sex) & I wasn’t sure how much of it was the age/length of relationship, and how much was down to post addiction.
Yeah for sure there are some things that I wanted to do when high which when sober I am actually quite disgusted by. Totally weird, and one main reason why I stopped.
Certain things however I do want to do when I’m sober, I just don’t really want to do it sober. Not sure, maybe some things feel dirty now (not in the good way). Was thinking about this again this morning and realised that probably even before meth I may have only taken part in these activities when under the influence of alcohol (which i’m currently abstaining from also).
Yeah totally agree, group sex with randoms isn’t as much fun as it looks in the pornos eh. But deffo miss the meth sex with significant other/regular partner you care/love.
I never took meth (knowingly) but used amphetamine for a bit less than 2 years. I realized my sexual desires were getting completely messed up by drugs when I was getting an erection just looking at amphetamine. Not masturbating at all helps a lot in normalizing that and of course staying clean. I’ve also done things under the influence I would never do sober (including prostitution) I’m 18 so it’s legal here in Germany but still I left it all behind me. I’m on day 1 now but luckily amphetamines have been a thing of the past for a few weeks now, about a month. I’m very young so I don’t have any doubt my sexuality will still change a lot over the next few years and I want this process to be as healthy as possible by staying sober.
My significant other can’t get it up while using meth. Leaves us both feeling highly inedequet . That was our bonding/ we always had sex I can’t help but think he found someone else .
Ohhh boy how did I miss this thread before… the main effect of the stimulants (first adhd meds, then meth pills) was not me cleaning my house, it was to make me feel sexual… wanted and desired. For an obese woman who used to think she was so ugly no man would want to you know what her, this was intoxicating. I was about 39 at this time, a mom of 4.
Well let’s just say the stimulants led to all kinds of risky sexual behavior which led to the birth and adoption of my twins, who were not my husband’s.
At first I thought I needed the stimulants to feel sexy, but I have since discovered a sober sexual self. Lot more feelings involved.
I can’t help but think he found someone else .