I have been SH free for 1 year, 3 months now but I am currently stuggling so badly! I started when I was 8 years old. I am currently 29. I don’t understand why this is still a problem for me. I am so close to falling off the edge tonight though. I could really use support right now.
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Welcome to the community! Stay on here…
I am currently working, so I wont be on much the next 2 hours. But keep your mind busy here. Sesrch SH, find a “fun” thread that might intrest you. We have threads from music, to camping, to cooking to art!
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Good job on you sh free time! Whats triggering you tonight? Care to share?
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Kimmie 
I’m glad you reached out first before anything else. Stay strong! This is your life vs. one short moment you know you’d regret… Remember why you quit in the first place and the process it took to get to where you are now. Sobriety is not easy - far from it I can attest - but breathe, clear your mind: you are on top. If the mind is wandering, repeat that again: you are on top. And again. You are the captain of your boat! Unconditionally! What are you? You’re intelligent, mindful, courageous, rational, motivated, determined, strong, resilient, confident, controlled, committed… Where do you want to see yourself when you’re older? Where does it lead from here? You don’t want to run and hide from life forever - is that it? No, your life is worth way too much for that!! Look around you… You’re alive, thinking, breathing, feeling, seeing, hearing… A beating heart that needs your love. Think hard, because that is NOT for granted. 
Try this little activity:
- Name 5 things you can see around you?
- Name 4 things you can feel?
- Name 3 things you can hear?
- Name 2 things you can smell?
- Name 1 good thing about yourself?
Life is a journey, and that journey IS the destination… Embrace difficulty! It’s not about what’s easiest, but what’s best! Who are you and who do you want to be in the short, mysterious time we have here? We could have been born as anything from our wildest imagination, or not at all! Why this body, reality, time? Why this addiction? Zoom out of the narrow, claustrophobic little craving nest for a second. There’s a bigger picture out there, a bigger world, and bigger potential life within it that’s worth giving everything for…! What are you here for?
I’m sure there’s more context too buddy 
Has the struggle been continuous or particularly bad recently? What might have triggered it? Note it down if you have to… Is that trigger worth throwing in the towel for? Hell no! Nothing is! The fact that you started at 8 was not your fault! And you are very much worthy and loved, more than you could ever know my friend…
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