Hi everyone my first message on here, i’ve suffered from sh from the age of 13 i had/have suicidal thoughts alot honestly i have acted upon them a few times but it hasnt worked. I have been in therapy but i didn’t like it as in my mind it just seems like attention seeking and i am very sensitive to what people think of me so i get overwhelmed if people want to talk about my sh. i never used to know why i first ever hurt myself but as ive grown older and matured i realise it was childhood trauma and trauma from then, my mum used to be an alcoholic i never saw anything wrong with it she was having fun in my eyes, but when i was 13 she sat me and ny sister down and said i need to stop drinking , i care more about alcohol then my kids. that hurt , hurt alot. and ive seen alot of tiktoks about alcoholic parents today and lots of things “fantasising” sh. which has triggered old thoughts and feelings which has lead me to relapse , its very strange to be talking about my feelings as i never do. I always here people talking about being a glass child, i think i could be. Why? because ever since i was younger my sister never had friends so i had to look out for her even though my friends werent very nice but i was the bubbly one with a lot of friends, when i started sh about a couple months later my sister did and told my parents straight away and seeing her have this attention and me having to be there for her all the time hurt alot, as i was going through the sane thing but i was just scared to open up and put more burdens on my parents then they realised she had scolios and suddenly there was never any time for me . Anyway sorry for the trauma dump but i just don’t speak to people about this i just squash it down
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Welcome to the site! There is caring and support here for you. There are also many who are recovering from self harm. I’m glad that you felt comfortable writing about what has happened in your life and how you feel.
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Welcome @sharklover21 im so sorry to hear about your sh and suicidal ideation. Ive experienced both but ive broken free of the habit with the help of therapy and meds.
You sound like you have a lot of insights about what pains you. Keep with therapy. Try different modalities if what youre doing isnt resonating.
Dont quit quitting. Theres hope
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