I’ve recently accepted that I am not a normal drinker and it’s time (past time) to be completely sober. I’ve taken breaks before (20-30 days) but would always go back to drinking, thinking that maybe I could manage it better, but always end up back in the same place, over-drinking, drinking daily, etc. and feeling awful mentally and physically.
I feel SO much better when I take breaks. And I know this. I’m a more patient mom, I’m nicer to myself, a more stable partner, happier, in general.
But I ended up back in the same place again, over-drinking. And today is day 1 of what I really want to be full sobriety.
I’m feeling so much shame today, frustrated with myself for making the same decision to drink knowing where it would end up. I’m hard on myself in general, but when it comes to my drinking problem I just have so much shame and frustration with myself for even struggling. Which I know isn’t helpful. And it’s not how I feel about anyone else with a drinking problem.
I’m just looking for some support and suggestions for working through this, affirmations maybe that you find help, any advice for someone who is really wanting to be sober for the long run this time.
Hey @AGOne
I used to be a binge drinker and I’d experience such deep shame when I’d gone through another period of losing control with alcohol. I hope there’s a little comfort in knowing that you aren’t the only one who’s gone through these feelings. Being an alcoholic means having no control when drinking alcohol- and you’re in good company here. But you aren’t a bad person just because you lack control with drinking. You can achieve sobriety with connection to other sober people and a recovery path or program of your choosing. It’s natural to feel ashamed when you’re not acting in accordance with your values, but there’s hope on the other side of one day at a time sober. You can absolutely do this and you’ll feel better every day.
Welcome
Have a good read around. There are threads for ressources for recovery, how to make a plan, for quit lit, podcasts, scientific stuff about addiction, check in and gratitude threads to stay accountable and lotsa more.
Hey there! The feelings of shame and regret are some that I share with you very fondly, but don’t let it destroy you. You are so capable of being sober and you are deserving of being well. Like you said, you feel so much better being sober, this time don’t let that escape you and take it one day at a time. Rooting for you
Start each day committed not to having a drink today. Fight each craving as they come, after time it gets easier. Do what it takes to go to bed alcohol free. Then wake up no regrets, no hangover. And then repeat. Take care of the day you are in. Worry about tomorrow when it gets here. It has help me a lot to think in these terms. Forever seem very difficult but we can take control of today! Just today! You got this! @AGOne
I’m right there with you. Today is day one for me as well, of many “day ones”, and I’m hoping the last. The shame is real, and it’s easy for me to sit here and tell you you shouldn’t feel shame, while I’m sitting here feeling the same shame. But neither of us should beat ourselves up, because we’re trying. We are here, on day one. We know what our reasons are for quitting and we know generally what has caused us not to succeed in the past. This can be the last day one. It can. Sending you love.
I know what you mean ! Its so frustrating when you get sucked back into the drinking machine, especially like you say when you do feel so much better when you dont drink for a period of time. For me I think I subconsciously thought ‘oh ive got this now so can go back drinking’ but like you said it never seems to work out that way and you end up in that same place wanting to stop all over again !
Im on day 17 now, and for me whats making the difference is that when I get that urge to drink instead of focussing on ‘I want a drink’ Im thinking about the consequences, that feeling of frustration, the hangover, the lack of motivation and energy and mental anguish, then I ask myself is it worth it and so far the answer has been ‘NO IT ISNT’ Ive just watched my football team win the league for only the 2nd time in 35 years, and im stone cold sober so am hopeful can keep going now !
Accepting you aren’t a normal drinker is honestly huge! I used to take breaks too for at most 29 days because I couldn’t actually make it 30 days as I didn’t see the point by that time.
That shame does you no good love. The guilt, shame and remorse actually can keep us perpetuating that cycle. And I’m sure most, if not all of us understand that feeling.
For me, I had to do whatever it takes to end my day sober, one day at a time. I have to say no to the first drink today-that is all that will keep me sober. Knowing that I am not a normal drinker helps me stay sober. Once I have that first drink, all bets are off and I keep drinking without my own permission. So I can’t have that first drink.
I’m glad you’re here! My first 2 years sober I lived on this site and then I ended up in AA. That’s what honestly changed my entire world. Putting down the drink alone wasn’t enough for me. I was repeating the same things, even in long-term sobriety. I was able to learn how to live in an entirely new way and this saved my life. Today I am grateful for my past with my alcoholism as it lead me to a new and better life.
You’re right on the cusp of a new life too and I’m glad you’re here.
Welcome to the community. I know EXACTLY how you feel, it’s almost uncanny how the words you wrote reflect my own reality also. I don’t have any affirmations or anything to give you, but I can say that you are not alone. I am trying to essentially relearn how to live, how to be myself without drugs and alcohol.
Take it one day at a time you will find a great community here.
Welcome. Things that helped me when I felt shame were remembering that alcohol misuse wouldn’t be such a widespread problem if it were a difficult trap to fall into and easy to get out of. It is precisely because alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful (AA quote there) that you, I, and many people on this site struggle. Also I feel less shame the more my current life is different from my drinking life, so pay attention to how you release stress properly rather than reach for a bottle, or are more patient because you are not half-cut. You cannot change the past, and will only drive yourself mad wishing you could, but you can make today a day you can be proud of.
Take it easy on yourself. If you had a friend who was going through what you’re going through and they confided in you, what would you tell them? Treat yourself like that, with love and empathy. Don’t be mean to yourself, no one else is going to be that way to you and if they did they wouldn’t be in your life for very long would they?
I can tell you this: for me, this shame cycle was always what brought me back in. It was very much part of my boozer mind and was the easy way for booze brain to justify drinking again. It was imperative that I do work on myself to break the cycle, which meant facing that I didn’t just have an alcohol problem- I was an alcoholic. That meant I had a condition that required treatment, and if I didn’t get the treatment and maintain it, I was going to stay sick. I wouldn’t do that with asthma or migraines, so why was I doing that with alcoholism? It was hard to accept at first, but also liberating, since there are so many options for initiating and maintaining treatment these days. Once you stop that cycle, the shame becomes more motivating instead of defeating. You own it and look back on the shameful moments as reminders of why you’re still working on your treatment.
