Well starting over again. I’m pretty angry with myself right now. I now know what I’m doing is not working. I think I need to try AA again. I don’t feel like I have enough support right now. I’m staying with my family. They drink a couple a night. They know I have a problem. I had been sneaking around with it and obviously got caught. They don’t want me sneaking around so they asked if I wanted a drink…one led to too many…again…then drank wine. I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I’m just so angry that I constantly feel defeated. I need to find more sober friends. I obviously don’t feel confident to be in a house with alcohol…as well as not trusting myself to be alone either. I hate this disease!!!
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Hi Jane,
I don’t really know what to say. I just want to reach out and let you know that sobriety is possible, for anyone, anywhere at any time. And you seem to have good insight into what is not working for you and what maybe has worked in the past.
I hope for myself that no amount of stress or exposure to alcohol or normalization of drinking will undermine my sobriety. And I hope the same thing for you. So you keep letting us know what is going on, and you keep trying, and I know you will be able to not drink before you go to sleep tonight and you will probably be able to do those things and get that result again tomorrow.
Blessings on you, may you emerge from under the weight of the shame to rise to beauty. 
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Thank you so much for reaching out. It means more than you know. I appreciate it. I will not give up❤
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I have been on this road for a hell of a long time I hate it too. But I have fallen and been beat up to much to not get up again and punch back. Get up and punch back. We are on your side. Anybody can quit but I believe you will get up and punch like hell.
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Thank you I appreciate the support! I hope you are doing well and having a good Holiday
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I am it started out stressful with a party I attended but I kept myself level headed and drank ginger ale and people watched. I love people watching.
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Good for you for starting over again.
I don’t think you can get too much help and support. The addiction devil is so fucking strong. I’m sure It can be done without much support but I personally don’t know anyone that actually stopped that didn’t get a whole lot of support.
You’ve taken a great first step here and now.
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Amen to that you need support, and people around you oh care and want to help also you need God/HP in your life every second of the day you have yo pray.
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Hi Jane good to see you around. I know you’ve been battling this for a while and I can hear how frustrated you are. That’s a hard space to be in; you’re going through a lot.
But you’re not giving up. You are willing to do what it takes. When you choose to put your sobriety as your top priority and every day you say, I don’t worry about the future but I am not going to drink today, you will succeed.
You’re right that AA will help (or another similar program). Have you looked at some of the other recovery programs here? There are a few different styles of recovery program; over the summer you shared that sometimes the repetition of the AA meetings you were attending made you get frustrated. There are different styles of recovery program and others you may find speak more naturally to you:
Resources for our recovery
Good seeing you Jane! Take care and remember: you’re a good person who deserves to have a healthy, sober life, and to feel good about herself. You deserve that. You can have it.
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Glad to hear you pulled through! 
Thank you It really is the devil. I’m sick of giving into it. Nasty devil juice…fuel for demon fire! Thank you
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Thank you Matt! As always you’re so helpful! I will check out the resources you recommend. I agree with you that thinking about today and not tomorrow is very important. Thinking about “never again” is too overwhelming. Thanks again for your advice. I hope you are well too!
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I understand why you feel angry and ashamed, and I am so sorry that you feel that way. If you feel you dont have enough support in your sobriety, then you are probably right. And we can all use a bit more positive support structures in our lives, right?
I do hope you wont let the shame and anger set you back. Honestly, and this is just me, but I think that something can be learned from even an experience like a relapse, and that clean time that you had built up for yourself still means something.
Honestly I hate it too. I really hated it today, I almost relapsed myself. But I know I have the disease, I can’t change it. We CAN learn to live with it, there are sober members here with years of clean time. So we do know it is possible and desirable! 
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Thank you for reaching out it’s always a struggle and it’s hard work…I think drinkimg is actually harder work when I really look at it…being hungover, trying to piece together the night before…having to apologize not knowing what you said…embarrassment shame etc etc. You’re right we can always learn something from it. I’m glad you are staying strong I know I can do the same. We are in this together:heart: much love!
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Nicely said Jane1!!! I’m going to remind myself of that everyday drinking is a hell of a lot of work and stress. Amen to thst
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