Hello fellow mates.
I am seeking advice because for once I shared with a friend about my alcoholism. At first she just completely said no your not STOp talking smack, there’s people with real problems. I explained how I am fuxntilnkng and schedule my drinking to fit my life. Then I just let it go.
Two more times I shared my struggle and she compared it to things that were irrelevant like food or cigarettes. Last night I called her out of frustration because I made it to 8 pm and then without any trigger thought “I deserve it, I meal prepped, read to my son did HW and dishes”. I ran out like a lunatic before the liquor store closed.
I called her for support and she basically said how many times o was going to say the same thing and even quoted Einstein saying that why am I expecting something different of I am doing the same thing. Which she doesn’t even know. She said how often I was going to say the same thing and I felt like she was annoyed. This is my friend but she is being very intolerant to my struggle as I have seen her be to others.
She is a friend but I don’t even feel like talking to her. She told me to take responsibility for myself and just stop.
Any advice because I feel like treating her indifferent or cutting her off. But I know if I say something she will say I am seeing sympathy.
I have shared my journey with a few friends and seen the spectrum of responses. One friend embraced me, another didn’t know what to say, and a another punched me in the side of the head so hard I couldn’t hear out of that ear for three days.
You do need support from people who have been where you are, and your friend likely won’t be the person to fill that role. I am big on meetings, but you can also come here for the sympathy you seek. We know how hard it is.
While it makes perfect sense to want some validation from and resonance with our companions, our love for them also asks us to not try to compel them (most of the time).
In terms of your friend’s own conception of what an addict is like, I would not hold it against her. This sickness we have is strange. It’s real, but it’s weird. It’s not what most people deal with. It’s hard – arguably, impossible – to imagine.
Let it go, big dawg. If she’s let you tell her multiple times and she’s attempted to persuade you, she too is engaged in the friendship. She must be there for real. No need to force her to wear your hat.
I’ve tried making some people in my life understand what its like to be dependent on a substance. The conclusion that I’ve come to is that in my experience is that they mean well but just don’t get it. I’m very close to my boyfriends mom, I consider her another mother and she knows of my problems. She tries to give me advice but sometimes it feels like I’m talking to a wall. That it’s as simple as saying no and then my cravings are just gone… But they’re not. I still get them. And if I bring it up to her, at times it seems like she’s dismissing what I’m saying.
Now all that being said I love her and my boyfriend and they both want the best for me. There good people and I want to be the best that I can be. For me. And for them.
They mean it well, but they do not understand. For them it’s just a glass of wine you can drink or not. For us it’s poisson, addiction, craving, you name it. They can’t feel it. So they can’t feel you/understand you.