Writing it all out helps me as well. And I hear you on the stress…a lot going on for so many of us. Many hugs to you. You aren’t alone.
Ps, Allen Carr was very helpful for me as well. I also attribute taking Wellbutrin for a few months as an added oomph to get me over the very considerable relapse/quit cycle I was stuck in.
This helps me so much. I’m amazed by the fact that we are all from different backgrounds, different countries, different habits…but when it comes to addiction recovery we all have so much in common.
I’m going theough the same process of trying to get to my “whys” and to what each addiction means, taking away all the misconstrued facts that we learned our whole lives.
I really want to quit for good. This support means a lot to me. Thank you 
That is amazing…thank you for the inspiration
Ok, so this is day 3 not smoking and I’m grumpy, very short on patience at home. Mostly tried to be left alone and read my book. Went for a swim when I felt like I was going to lash out at innocent bystanders…an early bedtime seems like the best bet.
A day without a cigarette is a day without a cigarette. Well done! You deserve a good rest. Plenty of 8 pm nighttimes got me through.
Thank you for the support…I’m feeling all the feels and it’s been a confusing couple of days. I don’t know what is the nicotine leaving my system, what is a plain midlife crisis, what is a real issue…
Rest, trying to get lost in a book and a comforting cup of tea has helped yesterday. Taking lots of deep breaths and reminding me that the cigarette did nothing to help any issues, just made me kick the can down the road and be in poorer shape to face what needs to be faced.
Blew up at my husband yesterday, feeling like I’ve been trying to hold it together for the past year and a half when his job has been all-consuming and he has been away from the family during the week (sometimes weekends too…) I’m so tired of having no control over this situation and not a lot of help with my growing boys…it was easier when they were little, I think.
It’s not a coincidence that I picked up the cigarettes a few months into this hurricane of a situation. I feel like it was maybe a way to help me cope. Did it help? Definitely not. Does it make my anxiety worse? Definitely.
My outburst was not a horrible one though. He listened. Stepped away. I waited until we were both calmer. Broke the ice with a joke, he laughed. We talked about it. He asked me kindly when I would stop smoking. Of course he knew…it’s a relief really.
Woke up today and was resolute in my new path quitting smoking. Grumpy, but certain it is the right thing to do.
Sorry it’s such a long post…I’m a bit all over the place at the moment. Sharing, writing it down helps
Writing out the thoughts in my head in this space saved me many times.
I’m glad your husband knows now. My addictive behavior is always worse when I can hide it.
Its so odd that we can only see in hindsight that our coping mechanisms aren’t helping us cope. Yell, scream, breathe, and talk it out.
Busy day with school orientation meetings for the kids and working from home…I was very happy that I didn’t have to think “do I smell like smoke?”
I was also incredibly open to my kids. My youngest wanted to make pizzas for dinner and we took the time to make them…my oldest gave me the biggest hug (those are rare for a 15-year-old boy) and we had a very honest, wonderful conversation.
@Mno I really thought about what you shared…connection was the biggest reward itself
Keeping tabs on myself by writing it here. Kids off to school. This is one of the times I had my sneaky one…no more. Craving, but understanding that this is just a fleeting emotion that will soon pass.
One more cuppa coffee and going to work.
I have to post here something that made me feel over the moon with happiness: I motivated myself to run 5k yesterday after work. I would NEVER do that while smoking. The tiredness from having even one, added from being tired from work, would make me give up on the idea.
Not only did I run, but I did it in a time much closer to my goal than all other times I ran in the past year: 25:42min!!! I could not bring it down from 27-28min before! This is after quitting for 4 days!
So happy, so very happy!
Yay!!!
10 days. Gym is winning for me as well. Not only improved my run, but swam 1.7k this past Saturday. This was not even something I considered in the realm of possibilities for me before.
Feeling strong and happy I can take deep breaths again 
Good thats great well done