Im 30 days sober i was so excited for today but its just been a shit show today like im being tested. I woke up and my 9 year old son decided to freak out and cry and scream bc he didnt want to go to school today it was extremely stressful which set the mood for the day. Around 11 30 i decided to go for a drive to the park and idk why but all these emotions came flooding in and i sobbed the whole way there. Now my sister calls me telling me that my little cousin has passed away from a motorcycle accidentā¦he was so young and he had a family. Idk how i feelā¦ i know normally id be drunk by now and while im not dying to go to the liquor store i am worried ill find the want to be stronger laterā¦
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Iām sorry to hear these things that you are dealing with. The death of a young person is always particularly sad.
Someone told me once that so far, Iāve survived all of my bad days.
Iāll go a step further, adding that Iāve made more bad days than there were, because my past way of surviving those bad days was to use them as a drinking excuse.
Youāll surely survive these bad days, and the very important fact that you came here says that you too donāt want to add more bad days.
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Hey,
Thanks for sharing that.
I only said to my partner today one of my biggest triggers are my nearly 11 year old girl and her bloody moods lately.
Like she can be amazing but she is coming into that difficult time puberty and sometimes she is just mean.
Also i think these things hit a little harder when you are doing your best to stay sober. Kids dont understand though they are just being kids but im glad im not the only one triggered by my kid! Also im so sorry for your loss, thats tragic. You know and i know that alcohol wouldnāt help and imagine the aftermath. If you can be there for people through this tragedy and be present I think you will do a wonderful thing for the family.
I get the demon drink on my shoulder trying to trick me all the time.
Just have to tell it to fuck off.
Dont drink poisin.
Look after you.
Sending loveā¤
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Aw, Iām so sorry for your loss. Of course your emotions are all over the place - a rough start to day and then a family tragedy. Even milestones, such as your 30 days, can make us feel a full range of unexpected emotions!
But play the tape forwardā¦ will any of this get better if you drink? We may have made it a habit in the past, but we know it didnāt work. We end up feeling worse, adding to our suffering, when we try to run from it and numb it.
Be super kind to yourself, please. And proud! Congrats on your 30 days! That is huge.
Also? You drove to the park instead of the liquor store. And you came and posted here instead of drinking. You should be mighty proud of that too. This is how we make new habits, the ones worth keeping.
Sending hugs. 
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Iām sorry for your loss. It is a tragedy.
But, just hang in there. The minutes will pass. Then an hour. Two. You will calm down. You ARE stronger than your addiction.
The last couple of months I was having awful rows with my eleven years old son. Until I snapped, three days ago, and left him with my mother. I told him I was sorry for being wasted - he knows about my alcoholism, though luckily he only (?) saw me drunk on five or six occasions, but noticed I was āweirdā, as he put it - or traveling for a good part of his childhood and that I took full responsibility for that. (I told him the same things before). I also told him what I thought of his behavior and that I wonāt be coming back (well, I live just a floor above my mum 
) until he starts realizing what heās turning into and what his tantrums do to him, most importantly.
At first, I was furious. And then sad. Anxious. Preoccupied. And then afraid I would be picking up a bottle.
I took my prescribed xanax, cried for a while - I was soooo glad I could cry - lit a cigarette (Iām not much of a smoker - I can go days without having a pack in the drawer- and I know itās unhealthy, but for me a few cigarettes are far better than alcohol) and slowly calmed down.
I guess what I want to say is that it SHALL pass. And youāll be happy and proud and stronger.
Someone here wrote - yesterday or the day before - that there isnāt a thing, bad or good, that alcohol wonāt make worse. Iām so sorry I canāt remember the name of the person (and Iām afraid my post will āvanishā if I close it and start looking for that post). But it was someone who made it to two years and has, without a doubt, had bad days during that time. Your grief for your cousinās death wonāt go away if you pick up a bottle. If anything, itāll get worse, ācause youāll probably āaddā anxiety, depression, self-loathing and sense of shame to it.
As I said, just hang in there. Even better: hang around here.
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And I love this. Sooo true.
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I am so sorry for this tragedy and all that today brought. Life is definitely lifing a lot of us right now. I am glad you reached out. And congratulations on your 30 days
ā¦it is a big dealā¦even with the sadness and loss. Something to hold fast to. YOU made that happen. I hope you will honor your self and stay strong and sober. Waking up with a hangover and regret would suck. 100% I know that.
We are here for you. 
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There is nothing that a drink wonāt make worse.
ā¦. though @LuluOnTheBridge summed it up perfectly.
I said (and say it constantly). Particularly after my momās car accident a few months ago which she will never recover from.
I thought a lot about drinking but I kept saying the mantra over and over.
I am so very sorry for all that you are going through @Emmers123
I wish I could take the pain and the hardship away. All I can tell you is for me, I know things would have been far worse and far more difficult had a picked up. It was/is hard enough. To add alcohol to the mix would (for me) literally only inflame an already huge fire.
I send you my care and prayers
All this said, Congratulations on your 30 days! 
. That is a Huge accomplishment and milestone. You are dealing with so much. We are here.
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