I am 29. At 27 I was diagnosed with a fatty liver, I was hospitalized for a couple days shy of a whole month. I had jaundice and my liver was failing. I was told I could not drink anymore. I was terrified. I thought to myself this is what I needed to stop drinking. That if I could live and heal, I would never drink again. Well that was a lie, about 3 weeks later I was back to the same amount I left off at. I was visiting my grandma, and gave into a drink of wine. How they say one is too many and a thousand is never enough is true. That one drink lead to a full relapse. Which continued to happen for 3 years, sober for a bit then back to thinking I’m ok and have one drink. One always lead to more. At 28 I was in the hospital for serious stomach pains. I had pancreatitis. Was told yet again I will die if I keep drinking. Which I didn’t stop and was hospitalized 4 maybe more times for that. Healed and went back to drinking. I have been struggling with this addiction since my 21 birthday. I’m trying, but I feel when I look back I’m obviously not trying hard enough. I want to live but with that comes no drinking. I want to not want a drink, I really do.
Fold a paper in half
In one side is good, the other side triggers
I like to ask, what was that event that you say created the obliterating of your organs
Think just before that, call that the grounding point.
Then think again just before that, before substance, that, according to your account may be the last true TRUE happy point
Then think about each time you relapsed, these are points to focus on.
Write them down
Equally yoked thoughts
Keep the good one side, triggers in the other
Only you will see this paper
Be honest
Be careful not to get to upset
And no drinking while you do this.
This is a sober task
Now, begin
Have you considered an inpatient program? I’m having trouble giving up for good as well. I’m so sick of how badly I constantly want something that is so bad for me.
I have went to rehab for 3 months that was the longest sober time I’ve had. I completely understand
Glad you are here, this is a great place to open up and talk to people some who have been in nearly the same position or exactly the same position. Life is so valuable and alcohol really doesn’t contribute to the beauty of it. It’s only a temporary thing that leaves behind so much damage. Wish you the best I think maybe inpatient is a good idea with a strong framework to build a routine.