I love this @CapriciousCapricorn and thank you so much for your helpful reply. Just what I feel needed to hear/read. I will keep doing my best, taking it one day at a time and having faith 
thank you. Xx
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I understand your concept we are forever growing as human beings, once we stop growing we are setting up for failure.
Yeah dating sites are a bit awkward its almost like a very unorthodox method being that your sole purpose is to find love. Where as itās so different when you meet someone at a grocery store, or through mutual friends.
I can understand how you feel lonely, it gets me at times too. Your like Iām at the place where Iām ready to take the next steps in my life, but itās like something is holding me back.
As far as dating a normie as they say, I think it boils down to your level of comfort in your personal sobriety, where if you would be ok, with someone ordering a glass of wine with dinner etc. Or telling them your in recovery. I personally prefer to avoid recovery lovers out of personal preference but thats me some people say they are more comfortable, my biggest issues probably is I have such narrow and strict guidelines that I have probably already missed out many times.
I do wish you luck though, let it manifest as Stella said
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I will be following this. My husband & I are divorcing. Iām moving to a new house soon & will be 100% on my own.
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You have pretty much echoed my thoughts there.
Iām single, Iām happy with it. Itās great.
If someone good enough comes along- then great also! but Iām not going to expect a second person to come and ācompleteā me or āfixā me or my life or whatever, I can do that myself, and life is great!
I think thereās this whole thing over the idea that being in a relationship is somehow better than being singleā¦ Is it really?? Iād rather be single than in a toxic relationship. Iāve also had the joy of experiencing a long term relationship where I thought I was cared for, but when the shit hit the fan all he actually cared about was his own lifestyle (needless to say, Iām glad I found out after just a couple of years with that waste-man).
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Hi Matt, good to meet you! I know youāre keen to turn your life around and address the health problems your addiction to cocaine, alcohol, and other drugs has caused. Your earlier posts have been honest about it & thatās a good start. It is worth it, to stop running and to live life fully, and be present for yourself.
Be careful about the temptation to place your success in the hands of others. Whether itās imagining that youāre the one who keeps the party going (because the party has to keep going, despite health concerns), or imagining that having a romantic partner is part of your recipe for sobriety: in both cases, your health is at least half in the hands of others. Itās not fair to them; theyāre not accountable for your well-being.
I know this is a bit abrupt; I hope youāll understand what I mean.
You are enough on your own. You have to become and stay sober by and for yourself. To do otherwise makes another person accountable for your well-being - and thatās a recipe for codependency and relapse.
Do you have to be lonely? No, you donāt. There are millions of people in recovery groups every day, and they do all kinds of things together in addition to building their sober insight and strength. There are many ways to build real, sober friendships. In time the idea of ākeeping the party goingā will fade into the past and youāll see yourself and your success as independent and strong.
Take care brother and never, ever give up on yourself. Youāre a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where he can be his full self.
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Thanks Matt, you too - best of luck friend. Keep us posted on interests you develop! Boredom is a difficult feeling to process; a lot of us have been there. Get to know your sober self - heās interesting. Iām sure youāll find some creative or other outlets to keep yourself engaged! Take care brother 
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Update. Have met an amazing woman, been dating six months. Long distance, only met on one occasion but am about to go on an action packed holiday with her for a week in a half. Then am moving to her town actually to start studying at University straight after. Early days but very happy. Hope it doesnāt go wrongā¦ Recovery wonāt take a back seat either way.
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Happy for you brother - congratulations!
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Thatās awesome congrats!
I can see your putting effort in cause LD is work no matter how you cut it, but if its working and your sobriety is in check. You could have easily found your happy ending
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Hey emc, I really understand how you feel, you are not alone with this. I too have been single for a looong time (6 years I think?) and sometimes I tend to think that love and relationships just donāt happen for everyone. I dated lots of people, but never let anyone close to me. I told myself I prefered a hedonistic and āfreeā life, while in reality I always felt really lonely and longed for some kind of deeper connection. Now I know, I was just afraid and kept telling myself all those lies to protect my fragile ego. I donāt want to bore you with the details - I just want to tell you this: please donāt question your sobriety over this. I now itās hard and scary to put yourself out there and now during COVID almost impossible. Itās hard not to start being negative and bitter, or to think itās somehow your fault that youāre still single. Itās not. Youāre enough and youāre doing great. I donāt have anything wise to say, but the only thing I know is that drinking alcohol wonāt solve it and it most definitely wonāt make you feel less alone - Lord knows I tried. I like to think that sobriety makes it possible to attract positive people into your life and to connect with them on a deeper level. Iām sure of it 
in the meantime ā¦ weāll just all hang out here on TS 
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Thankyou @Penguin 
I really appreciate your kindness and generosity in this reply. I try to remind myself Iām enough, just how I am, but unfortunately, I have a deep seated belief that this is not true and I always revert back to criticising myself for all that I am not, canāt do, or donāt have. Itās frustrating and exhausting.
I love your positivity and I thank you for encouraging and reminding me to go there as well, I do well when with this type of support and encouragement from others, thank you again
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And here we are. I think this is an important area of recovery to talk about, self centredness, relationships, self love. Itās a tough one for many, me included.
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How are you doing Duncan?
@Matt i see ya there liking my comment lol. Good to not be talking into a void. I had a pretty good relationship that I prayed for. Was blessed with it, but it couldnāt bear the stresses of my life and recovery, Iāve done all I could to rectify that but it was too little too late. Iāve done all I can now. I can have some form of closure. Itās amazing how ugly it got, nothing like the past. Onwards and upwards, that was yesterday. Iāve been getting glimpses of self love from the gym, but thereās still that feverish searching mentality for inclusion and acceptance, I honestly think deeply and truely itās a character flawā¦ Saying that though is hard to acceptā¦ despite the negitive reactions it produces from some, my commitment to sacrifice shallow relationships and even commitments related to more deeper relationships for my own wellness is necessary, just perhaps if I can remove the bullshit in the process the procedure would produce the results I desire, not the half arsed ones I get. Vent over. Hope all is well lol, typing between sets at the gym!
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Thatās the beauty of time zones brother - thereās always someone here for you Kiwis 
I think you raise some important points. Fundamentally I think we humans need to connect. The key to freedom is that we need to connect with our higher power first, and fundamentally. Our higher power is enough - thatās not always easy to see or understand, because our higher power, by its nature as a higher power, is a mystery that we never fully understand.
Connection is therefore an act of faith. (I believe this is true in connections with other humans as well.)
Our connection with our higher power is enough, and it is possible - and it is worthwhile, and worthy - to live a full life as a single person. Our relationship in that case is the fundamental relationship: the relationship with our higher power.
Our relationship with our higher power is the template for all our other relationships in life. It is the template for our relationship with ourself. It is the template for any relationships we choose to have with others.
We are never alone in life because we have our higher power. It is true that our vision may be clouded at times, but we are never truly alone.
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I dunno if what I said even makes sense, but I feel a shift, indescribable but a result of less thinking and more mindful doingā¦ even that sounds too abstract.
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Well whatever youāre mindfully doing it sounds like itās constructive for you. Keep walking your path & youāll find what you need
Iād have struggled. Need somebody to keep me on a leash 
Id say from my experience, be black and white to your partner and explain that recovery comes first. Because when things go shit, a programme and sponsor will always be there. And keep up with the meetings, ive skipped a few days and can see my defects within hours. All about balance. 
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