Shout out to my single peeps! Anyone want to share on how to rock being single in recovery? Vent? Give advice or experience strength and hope?
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Thanks for the well considered response. For me my recovery is extremely important. Iāve been advised in recovery no relationships for two years. But at times I think I know better. I like what you said about taking that extra time to work through the steps. I think I need to do more of that instead of looking for an external factor like a relationship for peace and serenity. That kind of thinking didnāt work in the past. I figured in early recovery I need to learn to love myself. A part of that process has been like living a healthy balanced lifestyle, taking care of my health, exersize, healthy friendships and family connections, healthy social life, step work and meetings. Lately Iāve been having this immense feeling of love before I go to bed and been telling myself I love myself and really feeling it. For me I think that shows Iāve come a long way and should continue to develop through the programmes of AA and NA with the steps. Thanks.
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Iām dating someone as of January this year, someone with no similar background. Quit pot in March. I thought he was pretty understanding, up until now. Iām dealing with moodswings due to the chemical changes in my brain, Iām having doubts about literally anything right now and I canāt deal with his needs very well at this point. Iām seriously considering ending things with him, just so I can focus on myself and my recovery. I donāt want to hurt him, but Iām also having trouble communicating my boundaries clearly, so in the end Iām hurting myself. Iāve been afraid of relapsing these past few days and dealing with yet another person, besides my grumpy teenager, it just feels like too much altogether. So yeah, I certainly get the advise on not getting into a relationship for a certain amount of time.
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The reason they say to stay out of relationships in early recovery is because I dont even really know me yet how can I get to know and love someone if I dont truly love myself this is my second time around actually putting an effort into recovery this time relationships can take the focus off of whatās most important my recovery and if I truly want a decent healthy relationship the wait will be worth it because Iāll actually know what I want and what I have to offer sex everyone can offer that but thatās not a relationship itās part but there are millions of other little things to it that I cannot hold my part of the bargain until Iāve done the work
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I have had guys wanting to catch up or the āif your interested I am tooā lines, and I just reply that I am working on a 5 year plan and Iām not looking for a relationship. If they ask about the plan itās just to establish my foundation and set up a better and secure future for myself.
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I was in a very toxic relationship that was filled with alcohol. The relationship ended like the Titanic. She left me and took all my friends with. Took forever to realize I was drinking just to forget her face. āShe started me drinking, left me, then all I had was the drinking.ā Now that Iām sober I havenāt āgotten back on the horseā yet cause I think / know that could be a huge trigger that would just lead to a side of myself I never want to see or show anyone again. I have to get my brain right before I can start to get close to someone again. Just my opinion. Single is safeā¦ lonely but safe.
Happy thoughts to everyone 
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Onwards and upwards! 
The ineligible bachelors 
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I am in recovery from love and relationship addiction, and itās been nearly a year since Iāve dated anyone or even sought out anyone. Iāve really lost the desire to date, which for me is HUGE!
I thought Iād never get to the place where I dont need to be involved with anyone. The most amazing thing is that I have learned I actually love being single. Whereas before, I hopped from person to person, or had several at one time. I never took a break that even allowed me to see that I loved the single life.
I even get the feeling that I may not be interested in dating ever again. Iām not ruling it out completely, but I dont think Iāll ever actively look for someone. For me, that love/relationship addiction and alcohol abuse has often gone hand in hand. The one time I almost relapsed from love addiction is when I got super drunk nearly 30 days ago. I realized that to keep sober from the love addiction, I need to get sober from alcohol as well. Seems like they trigger each other.
Anyway, heres to us singles! (And shoutout to my single and childfree people as well.)
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Iāll tell you what if your single and manage to stay sober I give you props because itās not easy. I tell my girl all the time if I didnāt have that little bit of support that she gives me, I would had been drinking already. Just being honest.
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briefly talking to one guy on a dating app (brief as in, there were a few sentences exchanged), he told me he couldnāt date a sober person because he canāt connect with people unless theyāve both been drinking/drugging. i told him that sounds like a serious personal problem, and one he should address. he actually agreed with me.
another guy i was casually dating, and really liked so far, was a recovering heroin addict (clean off H for ~ year) but drank frequently. i took him to my work holiday party, picked him up so he could drink there but when i scooped him up he smelled like weed. i didnt want to call him out bc he mentioned being nervous about meeting all my work friends. he started downing old fashions when we got there (open bar) - one right after the other. i think bc he was nervous, but his way of dealing with nerves was to get drunk. not good. that ended shortly after.
iām not judgmental when it comes to ones own partying, but iām past the point of wanting to be with someone who needs to get drunk every weekend. i dont care if they drink, but they must drink responsibly.
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Yeah but thatās bc you guys are already dating, youāre already loved and committed. Trying to date in early sobriety, often leads to a relapse bc of the awkwardness, and being shy and wanting to open up better. Alot of times itās hard to find someone else who doesnāt drink. And also in early sobriety itās the best to time fine and work on yourself again, so that when youāre ready you can fully love someone else, but trying to love someone else who you barely know, when you barely know yourself is a big disater and good way to relapse. I definitely wouldnāt mind meeting a girl tho, not in a dating way. Just having a chick to be in my corner as friend like actual friend would be cool. But is what it is, when the time comes and God is ready he will send someone my way
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Mike you are right, enjoy being sober and when God puts that special someone in front of you donāt let go .
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Currently single and I enjoy it. Actually been single for awhile but thatās nor here or there. So dating someone would be a change especially if they drink and would have to support my sobriety. If not well theres the doorā¦ it does get lonely but been on my own and alone since 18 so itās a normal for me. would I like to find someone eventually sure but not changing who I amā¦ Iām perfectly fine where Iām at in life.
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@DuncanNZ Iām not single but I just wanted to chime in here and say this is a brilliant thread and I am happy you opened it. It is thoughtful and constructive and those are qualities I really respect about you.
And to all the other posters here, you are strong & courageous to be so fearless and faithful, knowing you are enough, within yourself. I am learning a lot from you, which I will add to my marriage, to try to be more present for myself, so that I can be a better husband. I am grateful for that, thank you 
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Ineligible bachelor here 
I was recommended at least a year without relationships, but itās turned out I havenāt wanted any anyways. Just my preference? Or too busy with recovery and rebuilding myself? Donāt know 
These days (Iām now 18 months in) itās starting to enter my mind, but I know Iāve got more growth I want to do single still, so Iām saying nope not ready. No rush, right? Those desires can hang tight for now.
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I was a month into my recovery when I met my girlfriend. I was aware of the staying single advice but decided to give this woman a shot. She has 3 children, all grown except one who is a teenager. The middle and youngest live with us andā¦
Itās honestly been an eye opening experience. It wasnāt hard at all to adjust. It sort of felt natural to me. I listen now and contribute to the well being with all of em. Even her family. I think theyāre surprised about how laid back yet firm I am with all of em. Iām no fool here but at the same time Iām not a douchebag neither. My girl and her two daughterās each have there own unique personalities. The thought of drinking now just gets me up set.
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Iām feeling worried, and afraid. Afraid Iām going to be single foreverā¦ (hence my search for a relevant thread, in hope to seek out advice, wisdom or something that can help). I have been sober for over a year and half now, and I have been single for SO long. Itās been about a year and a half since Iāve even dated. I donāt want to be single. I want to find a partner, someone I can spend time with, love and enjoy life with. But I just donāt know how. I am too shy (scared) to put myself out there, I have no idea what Iām doing, and I still battle with the belief that Iām not good enough 
even tho, intellectually, I know this is not true. In the past, I used alcohol to relieve my inhibition and would meet people that way. I have been living my life, doing things I love, and waitingā¦ waiting for that special someone to āshow upā in my life, as a friend, as anyone really who I may be interested in and they express some interest in return. But it just hasnāt happen. And now, I am starting to believe, that maybe Iām destined to be single and alone forever. This makes me SO sad, I feel the sadness in my heart. I just want to give the love I have in my heart and to receive it too. I would love some affection and care from another, to feel wanted and important to somebody. I donāt know how to change any of this. I get such full on anxiety at the thought of putting myself out there, at meeting someone, just the thought of being in those uncomfortable situations. I worry about what other people think of me. I worry that there must be something wrong with me, or that Iām just not meant to find love. I donāt know how to change. I donāt want to be alone forever, but without alcohol, Iām not sure where to find the courage to do something about it. This single thing is what makes me question my choice of sobriety 
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This is something I had to deal with, I got so used to being with someone I struggled with being alone.
I also learned when you are seeking something especially relationships you learn to cut corners to just make it happen, only to end in failure.
If you lack confidence, try a dating app like match or something, thereās free ones out there but a premium site has less bullshit to deal with. The nice thing about social media and dating sites is you can casually talk with someone to gain your confidence with them before heading into the real world.
I donāt know your length of sobriety and i donāt rely on the wait this long spiel everyone grows at their own pace. However your post seems like you have some things you need to work on, validation by another is never a value of your worth
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Hi!
To be honest I owe my life to my first partner and she owes me her live too. With only 3 months recovery(both of us)I got in to a relationship . We grow up together in recovery and and we were each other suport. It lasted for 8 years and I have a son from that relationship. We ended up best friends.
The 2nd relationship I was 8 years sober and it was very toxic but I loved her so much and felt so responsible for her . I took care of her for 7 years with all her relapses until she deceived me.
So my friend it is what it is.
Some u win some u lose BUT I CANāT NEVER LOSE MY SELF.
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Hi Chris, thank you for your response and for your advice. Itās really appreciated. I agree, I do have more things I need to work on. Just feels like Iāve been working on all my āthingsā (there have been so many) for so long now, I just donāt know when, if, itās ever going to endā¦ I think itās just a part of the journey of life, that weāre always learning, growing, healing, working on shit. In the meantime however, Iām worried that this is always going to be a journey I do aloneā¦ which makes me sad because I have a lot of love in my heart, and I would love to be with someone I could share it, and all of lifeās joys, with. Iāve briefly tried a couple of dating apps in the past, but they donāt feel comfortable or āfittingā so to speak. Tho, I may try again, as Iām not meeting anyone any other wayā¦ itās just so hard when you really want something but youāre too scared to go and get it, to āput yourself out thereā. And also, now I donāt drink, I seem to just stick with my close friends and family, who are wonderful, yet not a likely avenue for meeting new, single others.