Slip of the đź‘… colleague

Emotional Support
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About 10 months ago a good colleague of mine noticed my red head while on zoom meetings. I geuss it needs no explanation what was the cause of that (I kind of went full throttle after my fiancée left after another relaps). Next to that I missed meetings since I blacked-out during the day. He adviced me to call in sick, doing so left no room for my employer to fire me. If I would have been caught in the act it could have been a reason to get rid of me.

Today during a call I had with him alone he had a slip of the tongue. He wanted to say Analyst (we work as data analyst), but it became:

Alco….alc….Analyst

It became a few seconds still. I didn’t respond. So my thoughts are going over it now. It’s basically my head that spins. Is this the way he really sees me. Do I feel hate, anger, should I have made a joke about it or do I feel pitty for him because he thinks that way. I just don’t know what to think or feel around it. It’s a good colleague but we kind of have a hate love relationship. Especially when it comes to content about our work. He knows and acknowledges that I know more but each time we have an argument about things he takes the upper hand. He than gets a certain demeanor I really dislike and are allergic too. I notice I withdraw then, maybe also because I think I owe him something because he kind of saved the day. While I know I did it myself. I went to detox, rehab (4th) and I’m 8+ months sober. Work is challenging, sometime I’m jealous about him too, because he takes good care of himself only not in the way I like. I know my eyes are turned on me because I’m underperforming, and don’t speak up enough. They see things in me I don’t see myself. That’s why I ended up on some big projects and they expect me to take the lead. I just don’t feel ready for that, I’m healing and that’s my priority one. But I’m jeopardizing that now……so anxiety is there for sure.

Hope it makes any sense :see_no_evil:

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Maybe you two can find a common ground of understanding or something, like doing something together. Maybe it’s a girl train of thought but it made me think of great men in the past who were rivals but actually were inspiring in a way.
I live in FL and Thomas Edison and Henry Ford have a long legacy here. Interesting story with them.
You’re too hard on yourself probably; instead of thinking you can’t think, “Im really good at what I do!” :blush:

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You take care of you Rob. You’re in recovery. That’s hard work. You started therapy already? That will be a big eye opener for you I think. You will see the things in yourself others already see. I think. For now you work on you and TRY not to worry too much how others see you. For me the results of therapy are starting to shpow, to begin with I’m happier at work, not avoiding all the stuff I’ve been avouding for years. That includes colleaugues. I don’t care as much how they think about me which in turn makes me perform better, both in my direct work and in my relationship towards colleagues. And less anxiety.

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Hi Menno,

I had one session. After the therapist’s holiday We’ll continue. Good to hear it helps you forward. I’m look forward to it, since I know it should help me with the things I currently encounter in real life. Which are also the kind of the things you mention.

Have a nice evening.

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Hi Donna, thanks for your reply. In wewe sometimes girlish things :joy:. In the form of a friday after work or evening drink. In fact I had in mind to ask him for this Friday, but my first reaction now is like: no way. Geuss I have to put my ego aside and just ask him.

Curious about the dynamics between the guys you mentioned :nerd_face:

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Well no evening drink, :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:
There were other “rivals” I’ve read about through history too, like the antagonist makes you try harder or something.
I used to feel like I was the odd one out all the time and I may be now and again, lol, but I know where my intentions are and people who know me like me fine, :relaxed:

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Well all my drinks are mostly water :blush:. Although I understand the ODAAT principle, seeing my sobriety as a fact suites me more, and if needed I switch to ODAAT. It sure is an antagonist (and I’m for sure) the one that doesn’t know shit about some things :joy:. Just kidding, or not :thinking:

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