Hi all! So, I stopped drinking at the beginning of January, and have been doing really well. I’ve been going to group exercise classes at my local Y three times a week since that first week of January, journaling, and doing more projects around the house that I’ve been putting off.
However, this past Saturday night, I was weak and gave in when my husband said he wanted to drink that night. I didn’t have much, nowhere near what I used to drink, just one small Mikes Harder and a couple of regular Mikes Hards (I used to drink 3-4 tall Mike’s Harders every night).
The next morning, I decided it wasn’t worth the anger at myself for giving in, the shitty sleep, or headache. Last night, when my husband busted out the remaining Mikes, I was tempted but didn’t have any!
I’ve read about a slip vs a relapse, and I think that’s what Saturday was. I didn’t seek it out, and made the right choice when the opportunity presented itself the following night. But I still feel so guilty.
Being able to say, “I’m 28 days sober” is a huge help for my mentality with this journey. But I feel like I’m not allowed to say that now, bc of Saturday’s slip. And I feel like a complete failure having to start that clock over.
What if you think of recovery as being one day at a time?
One day at a time. The day that matters is today.
I’m not being “cute” here, I’m not trying to diminish what you’re sharing. I’m being serious. Recovery is always one day at a time. The past is the past. You are not a failure. What you do need to do is ask yourself, obviously something is not working for me in the way I did it in January because I drank (doesn’t matter if you call it a slip or a relapse, you drank; you didn’t want to but you did - gotta be honest to grow); something needs to change.
Now choose a change and make it. Perhaps joining a sobriety program, something that helps you dig deeper and avoid “white-knuckling” your health and your recovery:
Participate here, spend some time here and read around. There’s lots to learn.
One day at a time. That’s what life is, and that’s what health is (and being healthy for us is being in recovery: recovering our humanity, our freedom from the chains of addiction).
You are not a failure. Failing is when we just stop trying altogether and go back to our old unhealthy life choices. You made a mistake. That makes you human. One of the things I learned thru experience is that we hold a lot of shame and guilt and for some of us, we can get stuck there. For others, it inspires them.
You messed up. It is okay to own it and learn from it. Your 28 days aren’t lost, you earned those. And for myself, I know I need to be 100% honest with myself. For me, I would recommit to my sobriety, examine what I learned from this, reset my counter and have a plan in place so I can handle urges when they come up again. But the choice is 100% up to you and what feels right to you.
Each day is a new beginning and opportunity to learn and grow. Proud of you for showing up and moving forward!!
Reset your counter and re-engage in living in sobriety. Take accountability, and set your boundaries. It would be hard getting sober with someone drinking in the same house you live in. Thats your safe space, the one place you shouldn’t feel attacked by triggers. But thats just my opinion, some people make a go of sobriety with a drinking partner, it can be done, he must respect your boundaries though I think
What’s the difference?
Firstly your not weak your an alcoholic
Secondly the only people who try and find different names or excuses for why they drink are the ones who can’t accept that fact.
Finally - Never stop trying, the day we stop trying is the only day we fail.
We have all been there, don’t beat yourself up, what will you do different this time ? have a plan of action if and when that situation happens again, is your husband supportive of you not drinking, do you have to have alcohol in the house, that is a big no no for me especially in early sobriety, i am 20 days tomorrow.
For me, part of getting sober was about honesty…honesty to myself. If it were me, i would restart my timer. A drink = A drink regardless of the amount or intent. Sobriety for me = zero drinks.
My opinion is that by not resetting you are just giving yourself permission to do it again. Sobriety requires accountability and in the end it’s your responsibility to keep yourself accountable.
Reset your counter and have accountability to yourself. There can be no grey areas in sobriety, it must be black and white. As far as the 28 days, you’ll have it back in no time. Remember how you feel right now next time you’re tempted.
Don’t let it discourage you. You didn’t lose those 28 days, they are in the books. Now you have a new record to beat.
Also, you learned a valuable lesson. You learned that instead of picking up a drink, pick up your phone and post here before you take that drink, not after.
Reset your counter and get after it, 29 days will come before you know it.
Reset the clock! If you feel guilty, shame, wrong, and hurtful then you know deep down you were wrong. You thought with the “alcoholic mind”. Your mindset and temptations have to be on the path of sobriety. Find your triggers! (Even if it is your husband) You have to know your acceptance into sobriety. Accept the wrongs and make them right. Yes! Is now the No! Turn your weaknesses into your strengths. Know your strengths! Read the Big Book! At this point, celebrate your accomplishments. Don’t get distracted by nothingness and know your worth. Feel the free and live on the happiness. You got support and love from all of us in this community. No more struggles. No more guilt. It’s guidance and sobriety. Godspeed
Annie Grace in This Naked Mind (great book if you haven’t read it) calls these data points. That’s what works for me. What did you learn from it and move on. Don’t beat yourself up. I have done this in the past and thought ‘well I have messed up once may as well keep messing up’ and gone down an alcohol rabbit hole. Don’t do this! You didn’t do anything the next night. Head high and onwards. You’ve got this.
My sponsor calls that needing more research and development. Now that you’ve had that experience and didn’t like it, you get the opportunity to make new choices going forward.
Your 28 days isn’t lost, that was 28 days you didn’t drink and I know you can do that again. Like @HoofHearted said, you just have a new record to beat!
For me, I had to reset my timer once my first week and that sucked so much. But I was honest and did it. I didn’t want to have to do that again though so I have made difference choices and did whatever it takes to end each day sober. And now I’ve got 1787 days in a row of not drinking. All hope is not lost, you can still live a wonderful sober life and that’s a true gift.
I had to talk to my wife about drinking for me like this:
“i need help, what if i said you you hey lets just get some cocaine and herion to shoot up this friday? How would you respond to me? Its that serious. Its not just a drink, its a lifetime of blackouts and apologies, then waking up at 3 am trying to piece the events together wanting to die cause i cant do this anymore.”
That tearful conversation changed everything with us and 4 years later were better than we could have ever imagined. Im grateful beyond words for her support and help. I hope you have the same experience in your marriage.
Reset, read, work and note the improvements. Be well
I want to thank you for sharing your empathy and kindness to @Watercolor_Valkyrie here. Others have, too, in their own way. Your message hit me as so true to life (at least for me in my experience) and that being kind to myself in these times with an eye on the prize and a plan for moving ahead helped me more than anything after drinking again, regardless of what we want to call it or how one chooses to view their sobriety time. Thanks for this.
@Watercolor_Valkyrie you’re heading in the right direction, you have self awareness and I think you know what you want. Keep pushing yourself!
Acknowledging your discomfort is a huge milestone in itself. You’re not a failure for holding yourself accountable for your actions and how they made you feel. It’s important to continue to embrace what you want out of sobriety as well as yourself. I believe you’ll find comfort in resetting your timer. You got this!
“If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you.”
Personally, I’d consider any intentional sip a reason to reset- and it’s ok if you want to name it a slip or relapse. You made 28 days, and now you have those tools and the knowledge from this slip. You can do this, even if it feels like starting over.
My only worry for you if you don’t reset is that you may feel dishonest about your days, or as if they’re tainted- and it can make it easier to make excuses in the future. If you start anew you can start fresh, like you deserve. Sending you love
