This image feels like “everything is flying… except the one thing I keep dragging behind me.”
I’m writing because I’m in a weird place that might sound stupid on paper, but it’s real.
From the outside, things look great: I have a solid job, my health is good, and I train hard. I run, I do strength work, and I’m consistent enough that my fitness is improving. I track my metrics with a smartwatch and honestly… I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been in. I also eat pretty well most of the time.
And yet: alcohol is still there. Most evenings and nights. I’m not pretending it has no consequences. It does. Sleep, recovery, mood, motivation, occasional anxiety, the constant “tomorrow I’ll do better” loop. But the scary part is that the consequences don’t always feel dramatic enough to create that big “wake-up” moment. No obvious collapse, no massive crisis. So a part of my brain uses that as permission: See? You’re fine. Keep going. But I’m not fine, because this is still alcoholism. It’s still control being taken from me, even if my life “looks good.” It’s like building a strong body and a good life during the day… and then quietly sabotaging it at night. I’m asking for advice from people who get it:
If you were high-functioning for a long time, what finally helped you take the next step seriously?
What helped you break the evening routine when your days were productive and healthy?
What practical tools worked for you: meetings, therapy, accountability, tapering vs. cold turkey (with safety), medication support, habit replacement, anything?
How did you deal with the voice that says, “It’s not that bad… yet”?
I’m not looking for judgment or scare tactics. I’m looking for something real that works, because I don’t want to wait for the “kick in the ass” moment. I’d rather choose change while I still have my health, my performance, and my life intact.
If you’ve been here, I’d genuinely appreciate what helped you move from “I should stop” to “I’m stopping.”
I’ll use that international zoom thing as opportunity for staying sober
Im sorry ur going thru some hard stuff right now. I think addiction is extremely tricky. As in our addict thinking will constantly lie to us, telling us that we are okay, that we are managing, that everything is fine. Im glad u have that self awareness tho, to know that things are NOT fine. There was a reason why u initally quit in the first place. What were those reasons?
Get a sponsor. Someone u can call to talk things out with. Start going thru that Big Book. It changed my life and many others as well. It can for u too, if u do the work!