So I was finding that my sponsor would rarely answer the phone. It may be a little messed up but I just stopped calling to see if she would even notice. Almost 3 weeks without me calling and she has not tried to contact me at all. I did text one time and said…I haven’t heard from you lately and I hope all is well and if you have time to talk call me. She texted back…have a great day. I’m just like okie dokie. I have been having trouble connecting with the big book. Feeling like maybe having someone experienced study the book with me may help me to understand more. I am thinking that maybe looking for one of the old timers who is retired and has more time to work with me may be the way to go. Am I wrong? Should I just continue to try to contact someone who seems to not really be interested in sponsoring me? I am doing well but feeling a little stuck. Would appreciate an outsiders take on the situation.
Is there anything else that she has said to you along the way that you can think of? Not saying she is right but something along the line of sobriety isn’t the most important thing or that you are not trying hard enough?
Again just asking not trying to imply anything.
I totally understand what you are saying and take no offense whatsoever. She is a very nice lady but is admittedly bipolar and has been kind of wishy washy throughout my sobriety. She is very busy with work and has at least 6 other sponsees. I think she she may care but just has spread herself too thin to be able to deal with all she has committed to. Would I be rude in devoting my time to looking for a sponsor who has more time? I love her as a person but she just doesn’t seem to be able to offer what I need right now.
I think she means very well…as do I. It’s kind of tough on both ends to know the intentions of the other when you only meet every week or 2. I don’t mean to portray her as some bad person. She is very good but just seems so busy. I did all the work she assigned. She said I wasn’t ready to move to step 3 and I asked her if we could do a book study because I didn’t feel I was getting it. She seemed to get a little frustrated with me and that’s when the distancing started. It could be in my head. Self centered fears are a big part of addiction. I just feel like I’m overthinking it to the point of obsession.
This is a difficult one. I guess my other question would be if she said what you were not getting from Step Two (which we read tonight incidentally) that you should be working on daily, like understanding what the power greater than yourself is or can do? Maybe it is that you haven’t understood how insane you were while using? (I have issues with that)
No matter what my suggestion would be to meditate and/or pray on it asking for guidance. For me this situation requires removing self and my brain from the equation to allow my higher power to connect to provide that guidance. It may not come in a day or a week, but it will come and you will know what the right thing is.
You can always ask around for another sponser that may fit you better. Some people like myself are not much for teachers. Just a watch me and follow. She might not have the time to go over steps and do step work as it might overwhelm her schedule. Best to have too many contacts (sponsers,sober friends)then not enough to talk to…
I don’t know much about how AA works but from what I’ve heard here I think you need a new sponsor. I mean, not responding to you is a huge deal. But even if you weren’t trying to contact her THAT ALONE should be a flag for her to contact you and make sure that YOU are okay…not the other way around.
It seems to me as though she is not really in the right place to be a sponsor. I would let her know that you are looking for someone new, someone who can more actively guide you through the process.
This has nothing to do with OP issues.
In my experience many sponsors will not chase sponsees down to check on them. Maybe if they have heard or seen them at a meeting in quite awhile… Maybe. One of the guys who I have great respect for will respond to a sponsee call with a seemingly urgent issue with the following:
Have you made a meeting?
Have you prayed over this?
Have you read the literature?
Have you spoke to another alcoholic?
If his sponsees have not done that, he tells them to do that and then call him if the issue is still lingering. Not because he doesn’t care but by taking action we can solve most of the problems that we find ourselves confronted with and avoid using our sponsor as a therapist or to complain to.
my first sponsor was a great guy but he had A LOT going on in his personal life that prevented him from meeting w me regularly. i looked around and found a different sponsor w more consistent availability. its working well and im still cool w the first sponsor and all we just dont work the steps together.
though i regularly meet my sponsor i actually dont call him really ever between our meeting days. i have other alcoholics i call for sure, and certainly could call my sponsor if needed, but 9/10 times i’m calling someone else then telling him about it later. we actually email though i like emailing cause it helps me sort my thoughts in a clear way besiseds just spewing out all at once.
i guess im just suggesting you look for whatever will work best for you 
“Are there any AA announcements?”… “Yes, my name is so and so and alcoholic. I’m looking for a new sponsor. Hit me up after the meeting. Thanks:)” Would be your easiest bet. Cuz yes, you need a new sponser!
A sponser should be helping you to find your higher power, not leaving you to figure it out on your own. I’m sure this lady is great and has her reasons. But those reasons do not help YOU!
On a side note, read Chapter to Agnostics again. Get a highlighter and highlight words and sentences that speak to you. Finding your higher power will change EVERYTHING!!
Your doing great pal. Keep coming back!!
Thanks for the clarification. As I said, I don’t attend AA so I’m not sure how it all works, but from older posts I’ve read I was under the impression that sponsors take on a more guidance role. Like they teach you how to go through the steps.
I do all those things but, one of her biggest requirements when we talked about sponsorship was that I need to call her to check in every day. After only getting her machine for 2 weeks straight I just decided to see if she would ever contact me.
For me personally, and this is just my experience.
I know in the past ive had sponsors whom just didnt have the time or availability for me. I was early on and needed guidance. So after trying to contact her w many failed attempts, i ended up switching sponsors.
I found a sponsor whom was retired, had almost 20 years sobriety, and had time for me. She told me from the start, well do a temporary sponsorship, and if it works out, well make it permenant.
If you do decide on switching, maybe consider a temporary sponsorship that can turn perminant if it works out.
I too would suggest praying about it. Also talk to someone in your support group. Also, if you feel like your not getting your needs met, maybe it is time…
Great advice. Thanks so much 
Time for a new sponsor. Sometimes a sponsor just doesn’t work out.
I wasn’t meaning to comment on your issues— was just trying to provide some insight to others on some ways that people sponsor.
While I would hate having to call to check in and not speak to someone, the other part of me would be awesome I get to avoid the awkward 30 second conversation or more substantial human interaction. LOL
I totally get that. It is very awkward. One hard part for me is when I feel that urge to drink out of nowhere. No rhyme or reason to it. And when I make the calls I’m told to make she gets frustrated and tells me something had to happen to make me feel that way. I have no clue what to say at that point. It becomes very aggravating. Maybe I am such an unfortunate who is incapable of being honest. That’s how I’m feeling at this point. Sorry for the pity party in that comment. Actually life is pretty good and I am blessed. Just feeling some type of way about this whole situation. Thanks for letting me ramble lol
Glad to be of any help I can.
First – you are not one of those unfortunates. You are seeking help and want to get better. Maybe it isn’t as fast as you may like --but you are not one of the hopeless.
I can understand the frustration at her, as she is the one that is seemingly supposed to be there when the rough gets going and to provide guidance. Like others have said, maybe she isn’t the one and it seems that you don’t want to just skip town at what may be a bump in the road- which i think is very admirable. Talk to someone else in the program you trust and just try to clear your head from yourself and I think (and hope) that the next right action will come to you.
Have you prayed on it?
Pray on it tonight, and again in the morning.
Use tomorrow to really think about it, armed with some spiritual guidance.
I would talk to your new sponsor and share how you’re feeling, and if things don’t improve, look for a new one. It’s okay. ╰(´︶`)╯