Why the fuck am I being tested right now. I’m so close to 3 years sober. And out of no where I get a text from a number I don’t have saved so I asked who it was…
Of course of all fucking people it’s my old dealer.
Are you fucking kidding me…
I’m mad l that I’m being tested right now.
I’m mad that he’s crossed my mind recently.
I’m so fucking mad that I’ve fucking debated trying to find his number on an old phone.
I’m so mad but mad at myself for wanting this the happen to…
Fuck you I’ve come so fucking far.
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Resentments will send you back out, even resentments to self. Instead of feeling anger why dont you try to find some compassion for yourself? We are addicts, if getting loaded didnt cross our minds once in a while we wouldnt be addicts. Anytime I come up on my cleantime anniversaries my disease also “flares up”, its kind of natural to start thinking about where we came from, who was in our lives then, etc etc. You are still in early recovery and you have not completely carved out new neural pathways but they are there. Keep turning your mind to healthy thinking so those new pathways get deeper and deeper.
Kindness, compassion and understanding will get you much further than anger.
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